Page 47 of Tempting Cargo

“It was… very awkward in places. But, aye. I’m happy.”

“I hear another ‘but’ there. And I want to hear about the awkwardness. What’s the other ‘but’?”

I glanced around the engineering bay, wondering what had broken today on my lovely ship.

“Now you’ve had him once, you want more?Is that it?” she asked.

For a moment, I was a much younger female. One with options, one who saw the gods in the stars and wished for something more. A youth barely out of girlhood, with a crush on another female, or maybe a male, someone I might dream of taking as my mate, though being an adult was far from my mind.

I wasn’t that young any more. My parents had stolen my dreams from me.

A tiny, innocent part of me—one I kept bolted down—took a tentative breath. “Yes. I want more. Is that wrong?”

This was why I’d given myself boundaries, Kridammit. But Garrison was human. Safe. Maybe those boundaries didn’t have to be so firm.

My friend’s eyes tightened. “You know it isn’t. You deserve to be happy, Shohari. You won’t be beholden to them forever. I know it. You have to believe it.”

She took a step towards me, and I held up a hand. “Don’t even think about hugging me. I’ve just showered and you’re all… tubey.”

“‘Tubey’? Is that a word? I’m really sure that isn’t a word.”

“Quiet. I’m the captain and it’s a word if I say it is.”

Why couldn’t all of life be this simple? Why couldn’t I declare the future to be whatever I wanted, just because I was the captain, or because I could? “I hope you’re right, Muzi.”

“So are you going to ask him to stay?” She raised her eyes to the gods when she saw my face. “You haven’t even considered it, have you?”

“Why? He’s leaving.”

“Does he have to?”

“Why would he want to stay here?”

“For skyk’s sake, Sho. I know you’re Orithian, but don’t be so obtuse.”

I glared at her, but there was nothing I could say, no argument to have.

“Please, Sho. Just ask him.”

I shuddered a deep breath. “I’ll try.”

But we both knew I wouldn’t—because I never asked anyone for anything.

Garrison

“EVERYBODY HEARDyou two fucking,” Imani said casually. “Everybody.”

I sank down onto a pile of blankets. “Sorry.” But I couldn’t keep the shit-eating grin off my face.

Even finding Shohari gone when I got out of the shower wasn’t enough to dull my mood. It was always two steps forward and one step back with her. Being inside her had to be five steps forward—at least.

“It’s okay. You weren’t the noisiest one.” She considered me for a minute, then gave me a bigger smile. “You look actually happy.”

“I’m always happy.”

“Not like this. You’re… glowing. Whatever that means.”

“Don’t ask me. Isn’t that what they say about pregnant people?”