Page 117 of Tempting Cargo

SOMETHING WAS upwith Shohari, something she wasn’t telling me. She’d called memitshaagain, and last night we’d felt like a couple again, but the not knowing gnawed at me. The liminal space we’d been in was clearing, but not fast enough.

It was a relief to strip off my armour, and I headed to the mess hall, needing a brew.

The single mug on the counter looked wrong. How long had it been since I made a drink for just me? Weeks?

Even though I wanted to make one for Shohari, I didn’t want to intrude. She and her brother had a lot to talk about, though Airida had already gone to bed; his withdrawal would be rough.

The only other person in the mess hall was Coerril. Not the female I wanted to be spending time with, but it was probably better than being stuck with my own thoughts.

“Are we going straight to Anandri now?” The big ydouir’s tail swished from side to side as she paced the length of the galley. “That pod was so small. No room to stretch my wings.”

“That’s the plan.” I sank into the red sofa. There was a reason it was Shohari’s favourite, and my aching muscles appreciated it.

“Good.” She stopped, looking out of the small window, not that there was anything to see but the grey swirls of voidspace. “I am pleased you were successful.”

“Me too.” I’d be more pleased once I’d seen Shohari properly. The last few weeks had been hard enough, sleeping in bed together, for the most part only holding each other as if that was the boundary of our relationship. At least then, I’d had something to occupy my time.

I drained my mug and set it down. “I’m sorry, don’t mean to be a bad host, but it’s been a day, and I’m going to bed.” If she wanted company, she could always go down to engineering.

“Host? Are you crew, then?”

I flashed her a faint smile. “I bloody hope so.”

I fired off a quick comm to Imani and Fenn, letting them know we were on our way back to Vadias. It probably wouldn’t reach them until we were nearly there, but it felt right anyway.

After everything that had happened, today called for a proper shower, so I went straight to Shohari’s quarters, letting the hot water soothe my aches and pains, and steam away what worries it could.

Sleep had almost claimed me when I heard the water in the convi, the drop of her boots onto the floor, and the swish of her clothing. The mattress dipped as she got in behind me, and my stomach jittered with anticipation.

Instead of the usual arm over me and the unspoken agreement we were just holding each other, Shohari grabbed me as if she had to cling to me to live. Her hot breath gusted over the back of my neck. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant,mitsha.”

Whispers of possibility, of promise, ran through me. I didn’t dare breathe. “You’ve had a lot on your mind.” I tried to keep my voice neutral but all my hope and fear bled out anyway.

“Too much and not enough, all at once.”

“And how is your brother?”

“I do not know.” Her sadness carried a bitter undertone. “He spoke with Tokki and Daiytak a little, and slept. Which… I understand. He feels unwell. He has much to learn.” She snorted. “I sat with him.” When she spoke again, her voice was all anger and pain. “I sat with him while he slept when I could have been withyou. How can you bear it?”

The soft exhales of her breath curled over my skin, scorching a path, leaving chilled absence in their wake.

“He’s your brother, Shohari. You’ve been working towards this for years.”

“Yes, but I… I realised something. On Orith. I’ve been a fool, Garrison.” She bit my shoulder, tugged me, and I rolled over.

The expression on her face cut through me; I longed to wipe her sadness away and replace it with everything I felt for her.

“Did you mean it? What you said?” she asked, nibbling her lower lip.

I kept my voice even. “Of course.”

Something had changed. I could see it in her eyes, her face, something unnamable.

“Mitsha, I’m scared. I’ve never been able to see a future before.”

I held her wrists in gentle hands. “Of course it’s scary, Sho. I know how scary it is. I’m one of only thirteen humans in the whole allied galaxy, remember?”

Her crystalline eyes held mine, their amethyst depths anything but alien.