Page 107 of Tell Me I'm Not Dreaming

Bridget smiles. Tanya had no business reading Bridget’s books when she was twelve, but that’s exactly what she did. The good news isTheQueen’s Dilemmais a slooow burn, so Tyberious and Miranda have not had sex yet. But there was a shitload of violence. Both kids are at the age where Bridget is okay with them reading it now, and she warned them that the next book has nookie. LJ said he’ll skip those parts. Tanya said she’ll read them with an open mind.

“Tanya just described the perfect death scene for him,” Silas adds.

“God, not the diarrhea thing.” LJ rolls his eyes.

“Yes, he’s been poisoned. Why not have the side effect be that he poops himself to death? It’s the death he deserves,” Tanya cheers.

“Hear! Hear!” Tiffany agrees. “His death should be as painful as possible and think of how humiliating it will be for him to die in such a ridiculous way. He’s not known for being a good king. All kindness and care for the kingdom comes from Miranda. So,the only thing he’ll be remembered for is pooping to death. It’s perfect.”

“Thank you,” Tanya replies. She turns to her brother. “You just don’t see the vision.”

LJ rolls his eyes, and they all laugh.

“I wanted to meet you both in person and let you know that your mother will be safe with me.”

“Oh, we know. If she isn’t, Uncle Big Head will kill you,” Tanya says casually.

“Yeah, I’ve heard about that brother. As formidable as he sounds, I’m more concerned with your aunties.”

“You should be. Auntie Lyric will shoot you. She works in PR and has a rich boyfriend. She’ll get away with it, too,” Tanya replies.

“Well, I definitely don’t want to get shot.”

“And I’m assuming your two daughters will want revenge,” Tanya says to Tiffany and Danielle. “It will turn into a whole bloody mess straight out of one of mom’s books.”

“Understood. Your thoughts, LJ?” Silas asks.

“I don’t have any. Tanya broke it down nicely.”

Silas grins. “Okay, is there anything you two want to ask me? Tiff, Dannie, do you want to ask Bridget anything?” Tiffany opens her mouth to speak. “Something that isn’t book related, Tiff,” Silas adds.

“Not really,” Danielle says.

“If it’s not book related, then no,” Tiffany answers.

“I don’t have any questions either, but if things go sideways and you end up punching my dad in the face, just know LJ and I won’t care.” Tanya nods.

“I concur,” LJ says.

Silas bursts out laughing. “Y’all are funny. It must be jokes all the time at y’all’s house.”

“It’s all fun and games until they team up on you and you’re the only guy in the house,” LJ remarks.

“Oh, boo-hoo. You have to live in a house with women. We give you advice about girls most guys would kill for,” Tanya teases. “And with Tiffany and Danielle in the mix, you have more female opinions and advice.”

“I hope their girl advice is better than yours, T.” LJ addresses Tifanny and Danielle. “She once told me to buy my girlfriend, Charmaine, a large pizza when I was trying to think of an apology present for her.”

“What? You didn’t even try to see if that would work,” Tanya protests.

“I’m not gonna lie, that would have worked on me,” Danielle says.

“I wouldn’t have even needed the pizza. An order of wings would have worked on me,” Tiffany adds.

“See! He ended up getting her a boring-ass bracelet.” Tanya shakes her head.

Silas and Bridget laugh hard and loudly.

“Okay, you two, do either of you actually have any real questions for Silas?” Bridget asks her kids.