Page 6

Chapter

Four

F rank and Linda leave me with strict instructions to stay inside for the evening.

Apparently, the ocean has a darker side that comes out at night, and it would corrupt my meager Burgher brain to witness it.

They are unaware that I’m not a prized Hallowed with a pampered rear end who can’t even dress herself.

Nope, I am Daphne Stone of Strongfair, and I battle dragons and thwart Prince Poopfloofs.

I also grow beanstalks and set fires, but that was off topic.

The house walls have a blue, sparkly glowing substance infused into them.

They shift when I touch them, making me believe they are teeny tiny living lights.

So very cool. Gwyneth would have her big brain on show as she discovered and explained what these things were.

A pang of loneliness strikes my chest. In the meantime, I can admire their beauty and marvel at the mini creatures living in my home, meaning I am far from alone.

They don’t speak, though—I’ve already tried.

Either they can’t understand me, which is understandable given they must have tiny brains, or they are ignoring me.

I yawn and stretch my arms as I make my way to my bedroom.

I need to check if the bed is the equivalent cloud-like piece of furniture that the Hallows has.

If not, I will lodge a complaint with, well, whoever takes complaints.

I could tell Poseidon, but he would either wonder who the Blazes I am, or command me to wait for him in his bed.

I need to pee, and nobody thought to explain where the Blazes I should do that. My lips purse as I ponder my predicament. Can I just urinate outside? Pooping might be a bigger issue, but I could postpone dealing with it until tomorrow. I think.

As I head toward a set of double doors leading out to an oceanic garden, I stop for a moment in front of a large mirror located beside them.

I tilt my head and lean toward my image.

I resemble myself, yet I don’t. Daphne, but other.

I suppose that’s to be expected, given I can now breathe underwater, and I’ve become a main character in a narrative.

But no amount of reflection staring is going to relieve my bladder.

After slipping out of my underwear and wrapping them around a bedpost to prevent them from floating away—I don’t want to attract a reputation as a lady with loose skirts, after all—I fling the doors open and check the ocean for any sneaky creatures.

All clear. Hopefully, it’s not a crime to pee in your own garden.

I take two steps out of the door and lift my skirts with a laugh at my reflection in the mirror. The bubbles leave my mouth and float up and away. Wait. If my bubbles rise, surely my urine will as well?

Ew. I would be surrounded by my pee. Everyone, without fail, has peed in a pond, lake, or ocean.

If they say they haven’t, they are liars.

But in those cases, their faces weren’t in the water.

Um, okay. So my floof needs to be above my head.

Easy peasy. I just need something to anchor myself with.

I grab the door handle and kick my legs so my body floats off the floor.

A little higher. There. I sigh as the first trickle of pee leaves my body. Sweet relief.

“Oh, most fair Daphne. I have found you.”

I jerk my head up and find my mirror man staring out at me. My heart squeezes at seeing his familiar face. “Dude, you’re here.”

“What are you doing? Oh. Oh. ” He actually blushes.

The guy has seen me naked more times than anyone else, and he’s embarrassed about a little pee?

We all have our limits, I guess. But I can’t stop midstream—that’s impossible.

That’s like trying to eat half a sausage and saving the rest for later.

Stupid and impossible. Devour the whole thing and get another if you wish.

Plenty of sausage in the Hallows to go around.

“Don’t look,” I grumble.

He sneezes. Since when did he do that? “I need to report back to Glenda that you are safe and well. She made me promise.”

When will this pee end? “Okay, you go do that. I should be done by the time you return.”

“You are still the most fair.”

Aww, my mirror man is reassuring me I have a pretty floof. It’s what every maiden needs to hear.

“Thanks. Now go tell Gwyneth I’m alive, and following that, return here. I have so much to tell you.”

He salutes me before vanishing. The pee that never ends continues for another half a tempo. Before I can right myself, a mystical muscular purple being with a top knot poofs into existence beside my head.

“Well, that’s embarrassing,” he mutters as his nose twitches. Can he smell my pee? Oh my Idols. Will the entire ocean know I did my business in the garden?

“Genie, while I’m super happy to see you, can you give me a little privacy while I finish up?”

He rolls his eyes and spins around as I fight to place my feet on the floor. With my floof safely tucked under my skirts, I enter my bedroom.

“Come on in,” I grumble.

The genie follows me and inspects my bedroom like a nosy inspector. I close the doors and sink onto the bed. Ohhh, extra soft.

“How did you find me?”

“Mirror man has been searching everywhere that has a mirror for you. Spoke to a squid named Maisy who gave him some cryptic clue, which he somehow translated and led him here.”

This is why we make friends.

“Is Gwyneth okay?” I check.

“She’s fine and back at the Hallowed Palace.”

I gasp. “Why would she do that?” I risked everything to get her away from Charming, and she immediately runs back into his arms the second I meet my doom? I thought more of her.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Charming got the biggest chewing out in front of the Hallows’ highest and finest. It was epic. She went back to the library to research about the Lady of the Lake to save you.”

Of course she did. My big-brained, super-smart sister wouldn’t sit at the edge of the lake and cry like any other maiden. She took the diurnal by the balls while putting an idiot prince in his place, and if he dared to get in her way, he would have only himself to blame.

“And the knights?”

The genie stops snooping and turns to face me. He folds his arms and raises an eyebrow. “Furious.”

I gulp. “At me?”

“At you, the previous Lady, Charming, the Idols. Basically, all fairy folk.”

The mirror man shimmers back into existence, but he’s got his eyes squeezed closed. “Oh, Lady Daphne, you are the most fair in all the ocean.”

“You can’t see me, so how could you know?”

“It’s a feeling. Are you decent?”

I glance down at myself to check all my clothing is in place. “I am.”

He opens one eye to be on the safe side, before relaxing as he opens both. “I can confirm you are indeed the most fair in the ocean.”

When I’m being compared to sea witches, it doesn’t exactly bring me a sense of accomplishment. But there was that one woman, Aphrodite. Nobody was fairer than her.

“Back to my knights,” I say, before we spend the entire night debating who is the fairest. I don’t care about where I sit on the beauty pecking order, so long as they find me the prettiest.

“Oh, I have a message from Norman,” the mirror man declares.

I frown. “Norman?”

“The dark, broody older one.”

“Nash.”

“That’s what I said. Anyway, he says this display of idiocy will result in your pleasure a hundredfold.”

A hundred fold of pleasure? Sign me up for fairy-tale disasters every diurnal.

“Wait, no.” The mirror man frowns and raises his eyes up like he’s trying to remember. “Not pleasure. Punishment.”

That is definitely more like Nash. However, I would accept the punishment in exchange for my freedom.

“The dragon says not to fall for any slimy merman, or he will eradicate them all.”

Aww, Theo.

“The scary one, Herbert, wants to understand how long he can look forward to a chaos-free existence.”

Hart loves my chaos. Deep, deep, deep down.

“And the other one, Mally, says he has your scarf and your sausage. Hurry back before he gifts them to another maiden.”

I gasp. The sausage tease was a step too far. Mal was literally trying to torture me. “He wouldn’t dare.”

The mirror man blinks at me. “Should I relay that?”

“Idols, no.”

The mirror man sneezes again. “Bless you,” Genie says.

“Apologies. I have allergies.”

“To what?” I ask.

“Water.”

What a very odd thing to be allergic to. I flop back on the bed and put my hands over my face. “I want to speak to them. It appears as though ten annuses have passed.”

“It’s not even been a diurnal,” Genie points out.

“My heart doesn’t understand the passage of time.”

“A simple solution exists for all this,” Genie grumbles.

It didn’t take him long, and I’ve never been so tempted. But the consequences may be too great. I drop my hands and glare at him. “I am not making a wish.”

He pouts. “Spoilsport.”

“What can we do?” the mirror man asks. “Your sister is working on a solution, but how can we ease your separation from your beloved?”

“Beloveds, plural.”

“You aren’t picking one?” the mirror man asks.

“Don’t judge me.”

He gasps. “I would never. I was curious about the perception of such a relationship.”

“The fairy folk hate me whether I’m alone or hopping between four knights. The only difference is I get more fun and happiness with the latter.”

“If you aren’t making a wish to get out of here, how else can we help?” Genie says, dropping his sulky demeanor.

“I would love to see them.”

“Which would involve you getting out of here,” Genie says slowly.

I twist my lips to the side. The mirror man suddenly rams his face against the surface, squashing his nose. “I have an idea.”

Oh, holy Idol balls. This should be good. I jerk upright to witness whatever disaster he’s about to spout.

“There is a mirror.” So good so far. This is his wheelhouse, unlike the time he wanted to audition to become a dwarf for Snow White. Her narrowmindedness made it impossible for her to see beyond the traditional view. My mirror is too progressive.

“What does this mirror do?” I coax.

“The owner can command it to show them anything their heart desires.”

My mouth falls open as my heart thuds a little faster, and my hands twist in my lap. “That could totally work.”

“Those mirrors are one way,” Genie snaps. “It would be cruel to show Daphne what she is missing and not be able to communicate.”

My mirror man grins. Ooh, he has a plan. “That would be true, unless her heart’s desire owns the twin of that mirror.”

Genie scowls. “That is not in the fairy tale.”

“The Hallowed concealed this, because there’s a cruel twist. Should the owners desire something different, the mirrors won’t permit communication, effectively breaking one of their hearts.”

“That is sick,” I mumble. “But I have no worries that we won’t be able to make it work.”

“Excellent,” the mirror man says. “The next step is to discover the twin.”

“Wait, we already have one?”

How could I have missed this? My mirror man has been keeping sneaky secrets from me.

He puffs up his chest. “Naturally. I am the original magic mirror, the one Belle was given.”

My mouth falls open, and the genie floats down next to me, like he’s shocked by this revelation.

“Is he joking?” I whisper.

“No, Daphne, I don’t believe he is.”