Page 22

CHAPTER 22

C hristophe

“How is she doing?” I ask Mike as I hand him the latest tablet he’s brought over for me to fix. For the past couple of weeks, he’s brought over the odd tablet or smartwatch, even a projector once, that hasn’t been working, asking me if I could fix it.

Of course, I do.

Apparently, he’s bought a lot of tech over the years that has stopped working for one reason or another. At least, that’s what he says.

We’re standing outside of the front of my home. He’s on guard again tonight.

“Thanks, man.” He starts to clap me on the back but stops himself with a large grin, before he sticks out his hand for me to shake instead.

Guilt wells up inside of my chest.

Why didn’t I take the time before to just be honest about how I felt about his teasing and slight pushiness? Since I mentioned it, he’s gone out of his way to tone down the teasing or elbow nudges and slaps on the back.

I’ve started to wonder what type of relationship I could’ve had with him or my other packmates if I had been more upfront about my feelings.

Instead, I withdrew into a solitude that turned my heart to stone.

“She’s getting bigger by the day,” Mike replies, laughing, answering my question about his mate. “Wanna see?” he asks with an almost childlike giddiness.

I barely nod my head up and down before he’s pulling out his cell phone and opening up the phone’s gallery.

“This was this morning. While she was asleep.”

My wolf, omega that it is, whimpers inside of me at the tenderness in his voice. I stare down at the photo of a woman with long, dark hair, sleeping on her side, her hair spread across the white pillowcase.

My eyes cut away from the photo. I do my best to mentally to push away the longing that begins to well up inside of me.

What does Ashley look like when she’s sleeping? Does she like to sleep on her side?

My hands ball into fists as the questions course through my mind. I don’t even know if she has long or short hair. Is it straight or curly? What color is it?

I can’t even try imagining her face without that explosive pain going off in my head. It’s a reminder that I’ll never have what Mike and his mate have.

“Do you want to go on a run tonight?”

My eyes open, causing me to realize that I’d closed them. “What?”

Mike’s eyebrows rise, conspiratorially. “Tonight? It’s been a little while since your wolf’s been out for a run.”

I press my hand to my chest as my wolf’s ears perk up. He is definitely interested in going for a run. But the idea of going also causes the longing to stir in my gut once again.

She won’t be there, I tell my wolf. He, like me, wants to see Ashley, but this time her wolf won’t be there.

Still, a run sounds good. After most days cooped up inside staring at a screen, I am feeling restless. Even with my late-night workouts.

“Sure,” I finally say. “If it’s okay,” I add, not certain that Chance, who’s still in charge while Chael is away, has agreed.

Mike waves a hand. “Already squared it away.”

Relief fills me. I hadn’t realized how much I wanted a run. Yes, I’ll hate that Ashley won’t be there, but at the very least my wolf will have a chance to stretch his legs.

Don’t get used to this , my subconscious mind tells me. I make sure to take heed. This might be one of the last few runs I get to take my wolf on. Once we track down the remaining imprisoners of the illegal prison, I’m back in a prison cell.

“Great, let’s go,” Mike says before using his key to lock the door behind me and he starts walking toward the forest.

* * *

What is he doing? I think inside of my wolf as we watch Mike’s wolf round a tree that’s off the trail we’ve been racing along. The turn leads us to a small outcropping where a few large boulders sit at the edge of the river that runs throughout the mountains surrounding Nightwolf territory.

Mike’s wolf yelps, looking back at me, as if he wants me to follow him.

I take a few tentative steps until her scent hits me. My wolf raises his nose high and inhales deeply. Both my wolf and human are overcome by her sweet smell.

She’s here.

I look left and right, until I see her. From behind one of the far-out trees, Ashley’s wolf emerges. My wolf doesn’t give me time to think before we’re racing toward her.

I don’t stop to ask Mike if he set this up, or what she’s doing out here at nightfall. All we want is to touch her.

Ashley’s wolf snorts, like she’s laughing, when my wolf rubs his head against her neck and head. He licks the side of her neck and then her ears. When her wolf’s ears perk up, we discern that she likes that, so I continue doing it, until she backs away.

She juts her head over my shoulder. Peering back, I see Mike, now in his human form. He’s dressed in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Mike points back toward the large rocks.

“There’s a change of clothes for you over there.” He glances up at the sky before looking back at me. “I can give you one hour before we have to head back.”

He doesn’t say another word before he heads off in the direction of the forest, essentially disappearing from sight. Though I know he’s still there, somewhere—I can smell him—I understand he’s giving us our privacy.

I turn back to Ashley and my heart sinks.

She’s not there anymore.

I take a few steps, looking around. Even in the darkness, given my wolf senses, I don’t need more than the light from the half-moon and stars above my head to see clearly.

My wolf calls out, but it comes out in a bark. I flinch, hoping I didn’t scare her.

“Over here.”

I quickly turn around, toward the boulder. That was her human voice. I shift back into my human and walk to where I heard her voice come from.

“Don’t come too close,” she says, holding her arm out, but keeping the rest of her body hidden behind the boulder. At first, I think it’s because she doesn’t want me to see her nudity.

But then she reminds me, “You can’t look at me.”

My heart sinks.

For a brief moment, I’d forgotten.

“Mike brought both of us some clothes,” she informs me.

When I hear rustling sounds from the opposite side of the boulder, I conclude that she’s getting dressed. I, too, put on the clothes that Mike’s left for us—a pair of dark jeans and white T-shirt.

“What are you doing out here?” I whisper once I’m dressed.

“I wanted to, um, see you.”

For some reason, I chuckle at the way she says ‘see.’

“I also wanted to give you something.”

Surmising that she’s taken a seat on her side of the boulder, I also sit at the edge of the boulder. From the corner of my eye, I can see her movements, but am still not able to see her.

This is as close as we’re going to get for now, I suppose.

Ever, my subconscious reminds me.

“I baked a cake today,” she says.

“Really? How’d it come out?”

After a beat, a small groan cracks the silence. “Well, the truth is that Ms. Elsie baked the cake. All I did was mix the batter and put it in the oven.”

I chuckle again. “That’s a lot.”

She snorts. “It’s barely anything. She had to add all of the ingredients in the right amounts. And even when I forgot to set the timer, she knew instinctively when to take the cake out. If it were up to me, I would’ve burnt it. Again.”

“It would’ve been delicious either way,” I reply.

“You always say that.”

“Because it’s true. Give me your hand.” Needing to touch her, I hold out my hand. As painful as it is to be this close without being able to look at her, to not touch her, at least, feels like torture.

“Wait,” she insists.

I can’t help the way my mouth frowns.

“Ms. Elsie gave me something.”

“What?”

“A box of colored pencils and a sketch pad.” She pauses. “I drew this for you.”

Instead of her hand, she places a piece of drawing paper in my hand. When I unfold the paper, my breathing stops.

I stare at the man with the golden wolf standing behind him. His hazel eyes stare back at me, a golden skin color, dark hair that brushes against his shoulders. Semi-broad shoulders in a T-shirt and black pants.

“It’s, um, you and your wolf. It’s the first thing I’ve drawn in years. Ms. Elsie remembered that one of the few things Emery had of my possessions was an old sketch pad. I hadn’t drawn in it since I was like, twelve, I think, but for some reason I never threw it away. I probably should have. Anyway, Ms. Elsie saw it and got the idea that I like drawing, so she bought me a gift. You were the first thing that came to mind to draw …”

Her words trail off as if she’s realized that she started rambling. I want to tell her that I don’t mind her rambling. The sound of her voice brings me life.

But I’m too busy staring down at the drawing. It’s incredible.

“Is this—” I clear the thickness in my throat. “Is this how you see me?”

I continue to gaze down at the illustration. In the image, I stand in front of my wolf, unflinchingly staring ahead, arms folded. My wolf stares upward. Toward the full moon overhead.

I look brave. Fierce. And totally unlike the real me.

“This can’t be?—”

“Of course it’s how I see you,” she cuts me off.

I almost allow the word how to slip out of my mouth, but I don’t.

“Christophe, don’t!” she yelps when I move around the boulder and pull Ashley onto my lap.

She quickly clamps her hands over my eyes. “What are you doing? You know you can’t?—”

“I want to hold you.” Holding her hand isn’t enough anymore.

It takes some adjustment, and Ashley firmly keeps her hand covering my eyes, but I get her situated so that her thighs are straddling my lap. Heat rushes through every part of me. This is the closest we’ve ever been when not in our wolf forms. I desperately want to see her, but I know what’ll happen.

Possibly, it’s for the best. If I could look at her, truly look at her, I know I’d fall harder than I already have. It’ll be difficult enough to say goodbye to her once this all ends.

“I want to touch you,” I tell her.

“Touch me?” Her question is hesitant.

I nod before moving my hands up her jeans-clad thighs to her hips and then up along her waist. When my hands reach her shoulders, I run my fingers down the length of her arms. As soon as I make skin-to-skin contact, her breath hitches.

A small gust of air that she lets out brushes across my nose and lips, and my wolf purrs.

“The hairs on your arms are standing,” I notify her.

“I-It’s because you’re touching me,” she whispers.

Dear Mother Moon.

The sound of her voice is already the sound of my dreams, but hearing her whisper with a little hitch in her voice might send me over the edge.

I move my hands back up the length of her arms until I reach her neck.

“Soft,” I murmur. Just like the rest of her. Quietly, I count—one, two, three—slowly dragging my fingers up the column of her neck until I reach her jawline.

I trail both of my pointer fingers along her jawline until they meet at her chin. A slight quiver draws my attention.

“Are you cold?”

She lightly shakes her head. “It’s you making me tremble.”

“Tell me more,” I say in a deep voice that I barely recognize as my own. This time, I bring my hands up to palm both sides of her face. It fits perfectly into my hands.

Mine.

Never has one word roared so loudly in my head.

I pause, forcing myself and my wolf to calm down. I shouldn’t be thinking in those terms. This could never be forever.

To distract myself, I trace along the contours of her face with my hands. When one of my fingers reaches the top of her forehead, I drag it down the length of her nose.

Ashley giggles until she snorts.

My lips twitch. I love her unique laugh.

“I want to hear that again,” I tell her.

“Me snorting?” she asks, as if that couldn’t possibly be the answer.

I nod.

“No, it’s so weird,” she says, laughter still in her voice.

“It’s you. And you are immaculate,” I say without thinking.

“Immaculate?” She laugh-snorts again.

I run my finger along with the tip of her nose, and she pushes out a trembling breath. I memorize the feel of her skin beneath my fingertips, choosing to stuff it away in a lockbox in the back of my mind to keep me company on lonely nights.

“You’re almost as weird as me if you think I’m immaculate,” she counters.

I grin. “Baby, I don’t know if you haven’t figured it out yet, but I am weird.”

“We’re two peas in a pod then, huh?”

“Exactly.”

I run one of my thumbs across her bottom lip. A rush like nothing I’ve felt before pulses through me.

I pull her closer.

“What are you doing now?” Her voice contains less laughter and much more breathiness.

“Kissing you,” I say before bringing her mouth down to meet mine.

My lips fumble to find hers, at first, with her hand still covering my eyes, semi-blocking the kiss.

I pull away briefly. “I’ll keep my eyes closed,” I promise. “Move your hand.”

“I can’t,” she says softly.

“Why?”

“I-I don’t want to hurt you.”

My heart squeezes inside of my chest. It’s on the tip of my tongue to confess my true feelings for her, but that wouldn’t be fair. Not given the circumstances. Hell, being here with her like this, kissing her, touching her, probably isn’t fair either.

But there’s no way I could pull myself away from her. Not like this. Not now.

“You could never hurt me. Move your hand,” I tell her.

“That’s not true,” she counters. “If you open your eyes …”

“I won’t, I promise. But I want to feel your lips on mine. Move your hand, Ashley.”

Slowly, she releases the pressure of her palm against my eyes until she removes her hand completely. The urge to open my eyes, to stare at her, to drink her in with my gaze, comes close to overwhelming my good sense.

Yet, I’m able to suppress the urge to do so. It’s only because I made her a promise.

With her face between my hands, I pull her into me again. This time our lips easily find one another’s. Everything inside of me sizzles with an energy that’s indescribable. A power surges through me, forcing me to deepen the kiss.

I pry Ashley’s lips open with my own. She tastes like the sweetest honey and nectar that I’ve ever had. It makes me crave her more. When her breath hitches before she lets out a tiny moan, my wolf loses it inside of my chest.

Ashley’s hands move to my shoulders, squeezing as if she’s using me as an anchor. She must not realize that she is my anchor. Has been ever since the first time I heard her sniffling and crying in that horrible cell next to mine.

“Christophe,” she gasps when I suddenly flip our bodies until she’s on her back with me hovering above her.

Ashley quickly moves her hand to cover my eyes even though I haven’t opened them, as promised.

“Wh-Where are you going?” she asks in a breathy tone that makes my dick press against the zipper of my jeans.

“I want to find out if the rest of you tastes as sweet as your mouth,” I tell her before moving down the length of her body.

She moves to sit up, but I hold her back down with a hand pressed against her shoulder.

“Don’t move. I won’t do anything to hurt you.” I mean every word of that comment.

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” she whispers.

My heartbeat stutters from the sincerity in her voice. Knowing she doesn’t want to hurt me makes me even more willing to put myself between her and any possible threat of danger.

“What if you get hurt?”

“Shshsh,” I shush. “I’ll be fine.” I catch myself from confessing that I’ll be in an even greater world of pain if I don’t feel more of her.

I move down the length of her body, slowly opening my eyes.

I push the T-shirt she’s wearing up until her stomach is exposed to me. I’m met with soft, brown skin. Without a second thought, I press a kiss to the middle of her belly. I kiss a small trail down to her belly button, before dipping my tongue inside.

Ashley’s entire body trembles.

“Christophe,” she whispers with a desperation that calls to the depths of my soul. My name on her lips is a question and an answer at the same time.

I lap at her belly button a few more times before moving lower until I undo the button of her jeans.

Her body stiffens, which makes me pause. “Do you not want me to?”

There’s a long silence. I don’t wait as long as I can before looking up at her. Right when I start to lift my head, she tells me, “I’ve never, um, had sex before.”

My hands tighten around her hips as I fight to control myself.

“I …” I pause. “We won’t tonight,” I tell her. “I just want to taste you.”

She relaxes, which is my signal to unzip and tug her jeans down the length of her legs. I press a kiss just above her mound, and then against her pelvic bone and either side of her inner thighs. It doesn’t matter where, I just want my lips on her body.

A craving that seems almost unnatural overcomes me. I kiss her lower lips. Before I do it again, I hesitate.

Since she confessed to me, I should make a confession of my own.

“This is my first time doing this with a female,” I say. “Let me know if I’m not doing it right.”

I’m not a virgin, but I’ve never been this intimate with a female before. Never have I wanted to.

“O-Okay,” she breathes out.

With that, I do what comes natural to me. I kiss her clit before moving lower, acquainting my tongue and lips with the feel of her pussy. A new craving I’ve never experienced before overcomes me.

Whenever she quivers or squirms, I take it as a sign that she likes that particular move, so I make sure to lick and pay special attention to those areas. The more I taste her, the more liquid she produces.

I use it as coating to swirl around her clitoris.

I don’t recall the exact moment I hoist Ashley’s legs over my shoulders. It must be a natural progression to give me the opportunity to have better access to her core. I’m unaware of how long it takes, but I’m very aware of the point at which Ashley’s thighs start trembling.

I don’t recall this from my one and only sexual encounter, but I get the sense that this is Ashley’s body’s way of telling me she’s reaching her climax.

A greed unlike one I’ve ever felt rises inside of me. I continue to eat her out until she’s gushing, trembling, and yelling out her release. I’m not satisfied to sit back and watch. Instead, I keep my mouth on her until the last moment.

Only once her body relaxes, do I separate my mouth from her body.

“Oh, Mother Moon,” she hisses out.

A chuckle spills from my lips.

“I could do that every day for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be enough.”

Ashley gasps. “Don’t say that.”

Frowning, I start to move up the length of her body.

“No,” she quickly says, before she slaps her hand over my face, desperately searching for my eyes. Once she reaches my eyes, she firmly covers them.

A new, even dimmer darkness settles over me. For a while I’d forgotten our reality.

My reality.

All we have is right now. There is no future for us.

She’s right. I shouldn’t say things like what I could spend the rest of my life doing with her. All we have is right now.

If right now is all we have, I’ll take it.