Page 24 of Take This Heart (Windy Harbor #1)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

COMPARISON IS THE ENEMY OF JOY

GOLDIE

My dreams are a jumble of Ava Piper and Bruce Granger yelling at me in Kitty-Corner, people from town giving me dirty looks, and then they shift to Milo’s mouth between my legs.

I wake with a start, wet and pulsing around nothing, and my cheeks flame when I remember the night before.

I’d be certain last night was a dream too, if it weren’t for the way my chin and inner thighs tingle from his stubble.

My nipples pebble as I relive him staring up at me while his tongue and fingers made me see stars.

I press my fingers against my lips, feeling their puffiness from our kisses, and smile.

I’ve never felt the way I do when he kisses me, and the memory of the magic he inflicted with his touch makes me hot all over.

It’s crazy to say that it was the hottest experience of my life.

I was so serious with Wes. I thought I’d marry him one day, but he never made me feel anything close to the way Milo does.

He also didn’t drive me crazy like Milo…

everything about Wes feels bland and dull when I think about him now.

I hate comparing the two, but it’s hard not to since I opened up about him to Milo.

But then I remember Milo stopping us from going any further last night, and it’s like cold water being sloshed in my face. What man doesn’t want to have sex when he has a willing body? All my words about not trusting him, yet I practically threw myself at him.

He must’ve regretted going as far as we did. I know he liked kissing me—I could feel how much he liked that. That was impossible to ignore.

I cover my face with my hands.

Oh God, oh God, oh God, maybe he didn’t like how eager I was, how I tasted…how I tried to lure him into my bed.

Maybe he’s still hung up on Roshana.

I jump up and stare at my reflection in the mirror. Horror stares back.

How am I going to face him today?

I shower and get dressed, gradually numbing myself in preparation for the day.

I don’t like being this way. I want to be an evolved human and deal with emotions and feelings head-on, but I think that ended with Wes and when I lost my mom in a car accident.

Don’t even get me started on my own car accident.

I press my lips together after I apply lip gloss and force a smile.

“You’re doing good to still be standing. Don’t be so hard on yourself,” I say to myself in the mirror.

But then I walk into the kitchen and Milo and Dad are sitting at the table, laughing and having coffee, and I nearly turn around and go back to my room.

Milo looks over, a wide smile on his face. It falters when he sees me.

Probably has something to do with the blank look on my face.

I’m not proud of it, okay?

But he’s the one who put a halt to things, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself, it’s that I need to protect this heart.

“Hey, buttercup,” Dad says.

“Morning, Dad. Milo.”

Dad chuckles. “Milo was just telling me this funny story about the guys out there—”

“He’s a good storyteller,” I say, moving to the coffee and filling my fattest mug.

“Well, you should have him tell you this one,” Dad says. “I’m having Second Breakfast with Jason today.” He smiles and gets up, stopping to kiss my forehead.

“You’re such a hobbit. What’s next? Elevensies?” I grin. “Tell Jason hello for me.”

Jason is Erin’s dad and one of my dad’s good friends.

“I will.” He points between the two of us. “I’ll probably be gone a while. Stay out of trouble today, would ya?”

My face flames. “Of course. Don’t overdo it, okay?” I smile at him and he squeezes my shoulder before walking out.

I move to the fridge to get the half and half. I’m pouring it into my mug when I feel Milo behind me.

“So, we’re doing this, huh?” he says.

I glance over my shoulder and he’s closer than I thought. I swallow hard and turn back to my coffee.

“Doing what?”

“Acting like last night didn’t happen.”

“I’m not acting like it didn’t happen.” I lift my shoulder and turn, leaning against the counter as I take a sip of coffee.

“Why are you being distant?” His brows furrow in the center and I want to reach out and smooth it.

“I’m not.” My voice comes out sharper than I mean, so I soften it. “What’s on the agenda for today? I thought we had a clear day.”

He lets out a short laugh, and it’s not the easy one he had with my dad. “Tell me we’re not just rewinding to the beginning, please.”

“What do you mean?” I frown and straighten, which brings me closer to him.

I move around him to the other side of the kitchen and set my mug down, lifting myself onto the countertop. He leans back, his eyes drilling into mine, and then he stalks toward me. I gasp when his hands widen my legs as he steps between them.

“Are you really gonna go back to being frosty Goldie?” he whispers and I shiver when his warm, sweet breath hits my face.

“What? No.” I scowl and he scowls back.

He steps back and runs his hand through his hair before dropping it to his hip. “Last night was—” He shakes his head. “I thought we were past pretending we don’t care.”

“I’m not pretending anything.” I gesture between us. “So there’s chemistry between us sometimes. You’re able to shut it on and off just like that.” I snap my fingers. “And I’m still not even sure whether or not I should trust you, so it’s just as well that you run hot and cold.”

His mouth drops. “I run hot and cold?” His jaw tightens and then he lets out a sardonic laugh.

“Right. I knew you’d be like this today.

” He shakes his head. “It’s why I didn’t have sex with you last night,” he hisses, low enough that only I can hear.

“I was afraid you’d use it as ammunition today, and I was right… without us even actually having sex.”

I leap off of the counter and get in his face. “How nice that you were calling all the shots. You had it all figured out, didn’t you? It’s a good thing we didn’t have sex, isn’t it? Big, bad Goldie would’ve eaten you alive this morning.”

He leans forward until he’s an inch from my face. “You’re welcome for me eating you alive last night.”

I gasp, my head rearing back. “I didn’t realize I had to thank you for the orgasm.” I step back and take a bow. “Thank you. I’m glad we’ve cleared this all up.”

“Crystal clear, Whitman.” His voice is clipped, my name sounding like a curse.

“Excellent,” I mutter, but there’s no victory in it.

He turns and storms outside, the screen door banging behind him.

I stand there, my heart pounding like I just ran a sprint. Dad walks in and clears his throat, and when I glance over, he lifts his eyebrows.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

“Oh, you know…it’s me and Milo.”

“I thought you had worked things out. The two of you have seemed more peaceful lately.”

“I thought we were getting there too, but—” I scrunch my face and try not to cry. “How can you just trust him so easily?”

“Come here, honey.” Dad reaches out and hugs me. A tear drips down my cheek. “That man cares about you. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. It’s okay to let someone else in. He’s not his uncle. And he’s definitely not Wes.”

“How can I be sure?” My voice cracks.

He pulls back and wipes my tears with his thumbs.

“He’s too selfless to be like either one of them.

Listen, buttercup, we can never fully be sure when we give our hearts away.

But if we didn’t take the risk, imagine how cold and empty our lives would be.

” He sighs wistfully. “Your mom was shut off when I met her. We didn’t get along at first.”

I stare back at him in surprise. “Really? I never knew that. Why was she shut off?”

Pain flits across his face. “It’s a long story…and one I should tell you soon.” He sighs again and looks tired. “But for now, I better go. Unless you need me here?”

I shake my head and squeeze his shoulder. “No, Dad. Go…have fun.”

He smiles weakly. “I probably won’t last as long as I think, so I might see you sooner than you think.”

I smile. “I’ll be here.”

“Love you, buttercup.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

I take Kevin for a walk and the fresh air helps clear my head.

I’m pushing Milo away, but I think it’s necessary.

If I let him in, I’m the one left heartbroken when he decides it was all a mistake.

Or when he returns to Minneapolis, and I’m more entrenched in my life in Windy Harbor.

Or when the truth comes out and we find out he’s more of a Granger than he’s pretended to be.

Or when he lies again about something else…I think that’s what scares me most.

There are no scenarios with a happy ending for me, so as I told him, it’s a good thing we didn’t have sex last night.