Page 96 of Take My Name

I’d heard of women in their forties or fifties who suddenly were on their own after years of raising babies and taking care of the households to be left for a younger version of themselves. They had nothing to show for their lives because they hadn’t worked and even a college education wasn’t enough to get them employment. I knew I had my parents’ money as a backup if I were to ever end up in that situation, but that’s the thing—I didn’t want to depend on their money. I wanted to do things myself and prove I was capable. They never let me try. Everything was handed to me.

I needed to be able to look myself in the mirror and make myself proud.

Marrying Hayes won’t change that. I doubt anything would change between us. He’d rather go on a book tour than plan our honeymoon.

Once I’ve showered and changed into clean clothes, I dig around my old bookshelves for a box I know I stored in there. Behind my books, I find it.

I decorated the lid when I was fifteen. It’s covered in glitter glue and mini polaroids with the words MAISIE + WARREN 4 EVER written in the center. It’s adorable but has definitely seen better days.

Carefully removing it, my heart squeezes at what’s inside. It’s been years since I’ve looked through it.

We couldn’t use our phones in class, so we’d write each other little notes and pass them between blocks. We took a million selfies and photos from dances. There has to be a dozen movie stubs from the drive-in and movie theater in another town.Being under twenty-one, there wasn’t much to do outside of the ranch or resort.

It’s basically a time capsule. When life was simple and loving each other came easy.

I unfold one of the notes and realize it’s the piece of paper he wrote his vows on.

Maze,

You know when it’s been raining for days and you feel down because the weather’s so gross? Then it finally ceases, the clouds clear the sky, and the sun beams down on your skin for the first time in a week. You inhale the country air, and the smell of spring flowers and freshly mowed grass hits your senses. Calmness rushes through you as the view in front of you takes your breath away. That’s how I feel every time I look at you.

You captivate me.

You make me breathless.

You remind me there’s always something to look forward to during the gloomy days because the sun always returns, and when it does, it comes in the form of unconditional love and happiness. And that’s you.

I can’t imagine my life without you in it and I hope I never have to.

You’re my whole world and I’ll never stop loving you.

This isn’t till death do us part.

It’s until the next lifetime where you and I exist together.

I will always seek you out, no matter who or where I am.

You’re my soulmate now and for eternity, wherever that exists, I’ll always wait for you.

The sleeve pressed against my face is soaked by the time I finish reading.

How the hell did I let him go?

Warren’s words are as true today as they were seven years ago on our wedding day. It’s why he chose being alone over moving on. He’d rather wait until we find each other again in another life than be happy with someone else in this one.

I flip through a few more photos, smiling as the memories resurface and remembering how good things were then.

I don’t know if we can rewrite history, start fresh, and try to get it right a second time, but as Warren said—I don’t want to look back on my deathbed and wonder about the what-ifs. I’d regret it forever.

Once I’ve wiped my face and put everything back in the box, I head downstairs to meet my parents. Dad’s reading the news on his phone and Mom’s flipping through a magazine, barely touching her food.

“Darlin’, I found the perfect shoes for you to wear with your reception dress. Let me know what you think…” She reaches for her phone without making eye contact.

One wedding dress wasn’t enough for my mother. No, Ineeded a ceremony gown and a reception dress, which means two sets of shoes and jewelry to go with each.

I sit across from her, pushing in my chair as the chef sets my plate down in front of me.

“Thank you,” I murmur, but my appetite is gone.