Page 31 of Take Me Please, Cowboy (The Calhouns & Campbells of Cold Canyon Ranch #1)

Further, why didn’t Mr. Calhoun work on increasing his mobility?

Perhaps if the family purchased a newer car, one with a ramp to the driver’s seat, perhaps living more independently would help him with his self-esteem.

Obviously, she didn’t know the full extent of his disability but from what she’d seen, Mr. Calhoun needed help standing, and he needed help moving around the house, and instead of a cane or walker he leaned on his wife or one of his children.

Or resorted to a wheelchair. But if he was going to be in a wheelchair, he should push himself.

He shouldn’t insist his family push him about.

He shouldn’t force everyone to wait on him.

Couldn’t he see the damage he was doing to his family?

To his wife? To Rye? Was there a medical reason he couldn’t walk, or would physical therapy allow him to get back on his feet?

Ansley covered her face, dismayed by the intense emotion flooding her. She was too upset, too invested. If she already felt this critical and frustrated now, how would she feel in six months? Six years?

“It’s awful,” she said to her mother, having called her mom while Rye was still out. “I shouldn’t have come. I don’t belong here.”

“I don’t understand,” her mother answered. “Isn’t Rye there?”

“Yes, he is, and he’s exactly as he’s always been—a hard-working man who doesn’t complain—but Mom, his home, his life, it’s nothing like I imagined.

I know it makes me sound incredibly privileged, but I’m really uncomfortable here.

There are so many problems, and it all falls on Rye.

But how is he supposed to take care of them all, and have a life?

He’s not ever going to be free of his responsibilities to them. They will always come first.”

“You preferred the version of the story where there was just the two of you,” her mom said.

Ansley’s eyes burned and she rubbed at her temple, trying to ease the tension. “Yes.” She felt heartsick, physically ill. “I pictured something totally different, but I was wrong. There is no room for me.”

“Has he said this to you?”

“He doesn’t have to. He’s thirty years old and he still lives at home.

Yes, he’s in his own little trailer, but it’s not far from the house.

Until recently, both of the sisters have lived at home, and that was to save money so they could go to school, but Rye pays for virtually everything.

He supports his mom and dad. He takes care of his younger brother Jasper.

He helps cover his sisters’ expenses when they need it. ”

“Rye sounds like a very strong man.”

“He is. He’s amazing. But Mom… I couldn’t do what he does, and I couldn’t be happy here. I don’t want to live here, not like this. I don’t know how he does it.”

“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, honey, because he hasn’t asked you to do it.”

“But that’s why I came. He invited me up to meet them and see his world.

He wanted me to know more about him and his life, and I thought it would be fine.

I thought Eureka wouldn’t be as cute as Marietta, but I’ll have Rye, and we’ll make it work.

I was wrong, though. This isn’t the life I want.

I don’t want to live under someone else’s roof, I don’t want to love someone and not have time alone with him.

I don’t want to be second fiddle, and in this case, I’d be third or fourth fiddle. ”

“Then it’s a good thing you went up there and understood his commitments. Far better to make a break now, than later.”

The idea of saying goodbye to Rye killed her.

They’d been through so much and when it was just the two of them, it worked.

They’d always worked. It was the rest of the stuff, the outside world and his mountain of obligations that kept them apart.

“I love him. I do. But is love enough to make this work? I’m no longer sure. ”

“You’re twenty-five. You’re only just exploring the world on your own terms. I don’t blame you for being overwhelmed by his situation at home. It’s a lot. And it would be a lot to take on, should you two decide to move forward together.”

“He would never forgive me if I reject his family.”

“Ansley, you’re not rejecting his family. You are being honest about the complexities in his world, and how you would fit in, as well as where you’d fit in.”

“Why do I feel like such a mean person?”

“There’s a difference between being mean and being realistic.

You’ve taken off the rose-colored glasses, and you’re looking at the situation from a long-term perspective.

You’ve always said someday you want a family, and now you’ve discovered Rye already has a family he’s quite involved in, a family he financially and emotionally supports.

In the back of your mind, you have to be asking how does he support them and the family you would create?

How does he have time for your children and all of his other responsibilities?

How does he have time for everything?” Her mother paused.

“And if you’re not thinking that, you should.

Because as people age, they have more health issues.

If his dad is unable to function without help now, he’s just going to be more dependent later.

The younger sisters heading to college probably won’t ever move home, but Jasper won’t ever be independent. ”

“Jasper’s situation I understand. That’s not an issue for me.”

“So, what troubles you most? Dad? Or the economic situation?”

“Both. The Calhouns’ life is hard. Financially, they’re strapped. I didn’t realize until I came here, just how much I had, and how much financial stability we had compared to others.”

“You’ve lived in a bubble. Your dad worked hard, and he’s been lucky.

He went to college in Bozeman, then served in the military, leaving with excellent benefits.

He’s had his health, and he’s competitive, always pushing himself to do more, and that’s a trait that comes from within.

Not everyone has it, and not everyone needs to be ambitious. ”

“I agree with you, but I honestly can’t imagine that this was Mrs. Calhoun’s dream. I’m sure this wasn’t the life she’d expected. I doubt she ever thought she’d have to work this hard or struggle so much.”

“I would agree with you there.”

“I feel sorry for her. Maybe that’s not the right word. But I feel for her. I can’t imagine she thought she’d have a house full of essentially disabled men.”

“Rye is not disabled.”

“No, he’s not. He’s the pillar keeping the house up.”

“His mom sounds like the foundation.”

“Yes. The girls and Jasper contribute to the stability. Even though Jasper has his struggles, he has a lot of emotional strength and that helps everyone.”

“What you’re saying is they’re all in it together. They make it work by being a family.”

Ansley fell silent. She heard what her mom was saying, and her mother was right. They’d made it work, and perhaps it was because Rye had assumed leadership, becoming the head of the family, but it didn’t sit right with Ansley. She wanted to marry a man who’d put her first, not last.

“It sounds like you have a lot to think about,” her mom said. “Which is good, because Rye hasn’t proposed. You two aren’t in a serious relationship yet. If you have doubts, now is the time to extract yourself before anyone is hurt… and before any of his family gets attached to you.”

*

Rye stood outside the trailer, rooted to the spot. He didn’t mean to overhear Ansley’s conversation, but the windows were open, and her voice carried. And once he was there, next to the doorstep, he froze, unable to do anything but listen.

He wished he’d never overheard any of it.

He couldn’t remember when he last felt so much shame. It was like being caught outside in your underwear. He felt embarrassed and exposed.

He understood what she was saying, and he understood why she was uncomfortable, but it didn’t make it any less painful for him. This had always been his fear, too. That his family wasn’t good enough for others. That his world would be found lacking.

When he heard her say good night to her mom, Rye finally found the presence to move, but he couldn’t return to the house.

Instead, he walked across the backyard, through the side gate, to the driveway and his truck.

He didn’t know where he was going to go, he just had to go somewhere, away from here. Away from her .

It was better to know now how she felt, but it was the worst way possible to discover her thoughts. She’d been so blunt with her mom, her opinions almost brutal.

He hadn’t expected it of her.

He’d thought she had more compassion. He’d thought she’d adore his mother. Why didn’t Ansley talk about his wonderful mother to her mother? Why didn’t she mention how hard everyone worked today to make Ansley feel welcome?

Chest on fire, Rye drove, but he didn’t know where he was going. All he knew then was that he’d been right to keep women away from his home. He’d been right to avoid romantic attachments.

But somehow, he’d convinced himself that Ansley was different, and because he wanted her to be the right one, he thought she’d be okay with everyone.

That she wouldn’t mind the main house or the trailer.

He’d thought she’d realize they were all doing their best and she’d be proud of the way they pulled together.

Instead, she just saw the wounds and the flaws and all the Calhoun weaknesses.

Rye drove through downtown Eureka, and then onto Highway 22, driving to where, he didn’t know. He passed the office for Calhoun Roofing, seeing it tonight through her eyes—a tiny little business, in a very humble building, with its practical exterior and unassuming interior.

Because that was who the Calhouns were. Practical unassuming people.

He should be relieved to know how she felt, and yet his disappointment was excruciating. He felt profoundly let down, her criticism so sharp, so personal.

He’d promised he wouldn’t just cut her out again. He’d promised he’d talk to her. He’d communicate. But how did one communicate about this?

There was no way he could return to the trailer tonight, not if she were there. He didn’t want her at his house anymore. He needed her gone by the time he returned, or he would say something he might later regret.

Indignation warred with hurt, shock giving way to fury.

How dare she speak about his family that way? This was his family, and he loved them. From the moment Jasper was born, Rye realized his life would never be the same. He wasn’t just a teenager, but an older brother with a responsibility to a baby whose brain had been damaged during birth.

He remembered his father saying, it’s not your mother’s fault, and it’s not the baby’s fault. These things happen and so we have to do our best, we have to circle the wagons and look out for each other.

Rye had taken that message to heart. He had spent every day of his life since then protecting his family, and just when he thought he’d found the right woman, he discovered his family, the family he loved, horrified her.

Rye swallowed the lump in his throat and rubbed a hand across his forehead, thinking he’d never forget the things he’d heard her say.

He loved his brother, his sisters, and his parents. They weren’t perfect, but they were his family, and if Ansley couldn’t see how important they were to him, then she needed to leave and leave now.

He pulled over onto the side of the road, shifted into park, and turned off the ignition.

For long minutes, he sat on the highway’s shoulder, gut churning, chest on fire.

Every breath burned, every time he swallowed, he swallowed acid and pain.

Finally, he grabbed his phone and sent Ansley a text.

I’m needed elsewhere and had to leave this evening.

I tried to come tell you but you were on the phone.

I hope the rest of your trip goes well. And then he pushed send.

Aware that his family would also have questions, aware that his mom might try to intercede and convince Ansley to stay, he sent her a text. I can’t talk about it now, but Ansley and I are done. Let me know when she’s gone. I won’t return until then.

His phone immediately rang. It was Ansley. He pressed ignore. His phone rang again. It was his mom. He declined this call, too. He wasn’t hiding. There was just no way he could trust himself to speak to anyone right now.