Page 25 of Take Me Please, Cowboy (The Calhouns & Campbells of Cold Canyon Ranch #1)

He saw his mother study some of the rodeo ribbons and awards he’d hung on one wall.

“Where are the buckles?” she asked.

“Put away. A little too much bling for such a humble abode.”

She smiled. “You remind me so much of my dad. I wish you’d been able to spend more time with him when you were growing up.

But considering you didn’t see much of each other, it’s remarkable how similar you are, and not just in looks.

You have the same quiet strength. He was a man of conviction.

If he made you a promise, he kept it, always. ”

It wasn’t hard for Rye to read between the lines. His mom had fallen in love with Jonathan Rye Calhoun, imagining he would be her hero, like her adored father. But John was cut from a different cloth, and while he’d once been a hardworking man, setbacks set him back, permanently.

Her smile quavered and, clasping her hands tighter, she added, “Someday you’re going to meet the right one, and you’re going to want to build a family with her, and what she wants is going to be important, Rye.”

Rye lifted a brow but held his tongue.

“Let’s be honest if we can. No woman is going to want to live here, in the trailer. And they certainly won’t want to move in with your family.”

“I would never move my wife into your house, and what’s wrong with this place?” he teased her. “It has four walls, a roof, plumbing, even a hot plate in the kitchen—”

“Thank God, I know you’re not serious. But, Rye, you have thought about this, haven’t you? No young woman is going to want to move here, and I want a daughter-in-law one day, I do, but not if she’d resent us.”

“She wouldn’t.”

“She would if she had no place of her own. I know, because I had to move in with your dad’s family here, and it wasn’t ideal. Trust me.”

Rye had never heard this before and it gave him pause. “You never told me.”

“I wasn’t going to speak against your grandparents, or your dad. But it was stressful, and it made those early years as a newlywed far harder than they had to be.”

Rye held his breath, because what options did he have? None. He’d never abandon his family.

“Have I upset you?” his mother asked, tentatively, voice pitched low.

“No, of course not.”

“I want the best for you.”

“I understand. Fortunately, I’m not getting married anytime soon so we don’t have to cross that bridge yet.”

She hesitated. “What about the girl you met in Marietta?”

He frowned. “There was no one—”

“There was.”

“In any case, it’s over.”

Her eyes widened in distress. “Why?”

He couldn’t do this. He didn’t have the wherewithal to handle questions about Ansley.

As it was, he hadn’t forgiven himself for abruptly shutting her out.

He’d been ruthless, focused on survival, his survival, and while survival skills might be useful on a deserted island, or during a zombie apocalypse, it wasn’t a quality he admired in himself.

He’d put his interests before hers and the regret was enormous.

Instead of answering his mom’s question, Rye rose.

His mother reluctantly stood, too. “I was being too nosy, wasn’t I?” she said.

He hugged her with his good arm. “You’re just being a mom, and you’re a wonderful mom.”

“Oh, Rye, I totally forgot why I came here tonight!” she exclaimed, stepping back.

“Based on Josie’s admittance to the interior design program at Gallatin College, she’s been offered a paid internship with a design firm in Bozeman, which would allow her to cover some of her living expenses in Bozeman. ”

Early in the summer, Josie had been forced to defer her start date at Gallatin due to the financial situation at home.

It had been hard for her to wait another year, but the college administration had understood that it was a financial situation and had agreed to let her begin the following fall.

“I’m surprised they’re offering her a job for next year. ”

“It’s not for next year. The firm would like her to start in January, after the Christmas holidays.

The company specializes in universal design and the senior vice president, who is on the board at Gallatin College, was impressed by your sister’s ideas and passion for accessibility.

He believes she has something to offer now and hates that she’s had to put off school based on financial considerations—”

“It’s not as if I wanted her to wait another year,” Rye growled.

“No, of course not, and Josie understood, but if she’s able to cover her cost of living in Bozeman, I think it’d be good for her to move, especially with Hannah now in Missoula.”

Not that Ron hadn’t done his best to convince Hannah that she didn’t need a nursing degree, that Ron would take care of her, but Rye had put his foot down.

Hannah needed to finish her education and then she could decide what happened next, but she’d worked too hard getting her associates degree with an eye on transferring to Missoula for her to give up on that goal.

“Won’t it be hard for you to lose both your girls at the same time?”

She shook her head. “It’s what is supposed to happen. I’d rather them be off pursuing their dreams than doing minimum-wage jobs here.”

“I agree.”

“So, you’ll drive her to Bozeman for the interview? You know she gets nervous over things like this, and I’d feel better if she wasn’t making the long drive alone.”

“But I thought she already had the job.”

“I believe they’d like to offer her the position, but they want to meet with her first.”

“I see. When do they want to talk to her?”

“Wednesday. Or is it Thursday? I forget. You’ll want to check with your sister.”

“I will.”

Rye walked her back to the house before stopping by the barn to secure it for the night. As he returned to his trailer, he thought of driving Josie to Bozeman, acutely aware that Bozeman was so close to Ansley.

Ansley. Just thinking of her flooded him with emotion and need.

But Ansley wasn’t part of the picture, not anymore, and he pushed all thoughts of her from his mind. They’d made a clean break of it—he’d made a clean break of it—and that was how it’d stay.

In bed that night, he couldn’t get comfortable.

His arm throbbed, his shoulder throbbed, and the physical pain could be tolerated as it was nothing new.

He’d spent years with aches and pains from his work.

What he wasn’t used to was the gnawing emptiness in his chest. It was an ache that Advil wouldn’t help.

It was an ache that exercise didn’t alleviate.

It was an ache that caught him off guard at all hours of the day, surprising him with the intensity of the loss.

It felt like a death. He, who didn’t become attached, had fallen for her. It wasn’t an infatuation. It wasn’t a crush. It wasn’t even lust. It was so much bigger, and deeper, and he was grieving what could have been… should have been.

He missed Ansley’s voice. He missed her texts, missed the connection.

Missed the warmth and her bright, fierce optimism.

It had been a long time since he cared for anybody the way he cared for Ansley.

He wasn’t even sure he’d ever cared for anyone as much as her.

She was just sunshine and hope, and picturing her, he felt some of that sunshine within him.

Since he couldn’t hold her, he’d have to hold on to that.

Rye finally slept but woke at three, shoulder and arm hurting so much that he forced himself up to get a pain killer.

He washed the pills down with a glass of water and watched TV when sleep didn’t come.

He wasn’t really following the program though.

Bozeman was so close to Marietta, just thirty minutes’ drive.

Ansley was just thirty more minutes south of Bozeman on the ranch.

It would be a dangerous, destructive madness to see her.

Seeing her would bring fresh pain, deepen the loss and longing.

A sane man wouldn’t let that happen, not when he was still missing her so much.

Not enough time had passed for him to be indifferent to her.

Rye suspected he might never be indifferent to her.

But hopefully, with time, the missing and wanting would ease.

Hopefully, time would help the memories fade, along with the intensity of his regret.

He closed his eyes, but he saw her.

Ansley.

Rye sat up, moved the pillows behind him, trying to find a more comfortable position, and suddenly he remembered his mom’s words about the trailer and how unsuitable it was for his future.

Obviously, he knew that moving a wife in here wasn’t ideal, but he hadn’t expected his mom to have such strong feelings about the arrangement.

He supposed he’d never thought of it from an outsider’s perspective, and it was strange to think of his mom as an outsider, but once upon a time she had been.

She’d been born Jennifer Johnson, raised on a farm close to the town of Sparwood, two and a half hours outside of Calgary.

Rye’s Johnson grandparents had raised cattle and farmed and been prosperous enough that they could afford to give their children a happy and secure childhood.

Jennifer attended college in Calgary and then, after graduating, stayed in the city to work.

It was in Calgary she met John Calhoun who was in town for a construction conference. Apparently, there were immediate sparks and after just a handful of dates, and a half dozen visits to Calgary from Eureka, John proposed. Jennifer accepted. They were married within six months of meeting.

It was not a shotgun marriage. In fact, Rye didn’t arrive for eighteen months, and by all account, his parents were delighted by his appearance.

He was healthy and happy, and no one imagined that there would be any reason why it would be so difficult for Jennifer to conceive again.

They didn’t start trying until Rye was two, but it would be years of infertility before Jennifer consulted a doctor, and finally, Hannah was conceived.

Josie followed soon after and then Jasper.

His mom’s pregnancy with Jasper had been normal.

There had been no illnesses, or viruses, nothing to make anyone concerned, but when Jasper arrived, something clearly was wrong.

There was quiet speculation that Jasper had been injured during the birth, but of course none of the medical team would admit such a thing.

But Jasper turned out to be a joy, doted on by the family, he was endlessly cheerful, impossibly good-natured.

Even though his life was filled with scares and complications, he never complained.

He seemed to understand better than any of them what a gift life was, and how quickly it could be taken away.