Page 6

Sypher

July 4, 2023, Soulless Sinners’ mailroom ,

With a groan, I sat up and grabbed my head, my fingers tightening in my hair while I rocked back and forth, the room spinning slightly. Images of his face, fragmented and indistinct, swirled in my thoughts. Disappointment and hurt etched into his features. His eyes reflected a dull ache and an immoral sense of betrayal.

I didn’t need to see his face to know disgust radiated from him as a palpable wave of revulsion washed over me. After all these years, his presence still lingered around me, suffocating me.

No matter how hard I tried, his grasp was unrelenting.

I was trapped. Exhaustion weighed me down. My muscles screamed in protest when I realized I couldn’t fight him anymore. I yearned for his approval, that look of pride that would make all my efforts worthwhile.

He was my hero. Everything I admired and strived to become.

I understood I fell short of his expectations and desires. I wasn’t like the others. However, he was, in my eyes, irreplaceable and the most important person in my life. During a period in my life when everything felt chaotic and meaningless and when I desperately needed his support and guidance, he was inexplicably gone, and I was left alone in this vast world to figure everything out on my own.

I buried my pain deep, immersing myself in routine, but the dam eventually broke, sending everything into chaos. The world, once so clear, now seemed chaotic and incomprehensible. Every aspect of it had been fundamentally altered and nothing made sense any longer.

I didn’t recognize myself anymore.

In the aftermath of his departure, a single, illuminating moment of understanding dawned on me and it came through the one individual I had wounded most deeply.

I never meant to hurt him.

My actions were purely defensive. A deep-seated fear, born from experiences of loss and abandonment, compelled me to protect myself from the inevitable pain of losing those I cared about.

“Ignoring what you are won’t bring him back.”

“You know nothing about me.”

With a heavy sigh, he emerged from the shadows, the scraping of a chair against the unforgiving concrete floor announcing his approach as he dragged it closer to the bars that confined me. He settled into his seat and leaned forward intently. His gaze fixed on me.

“I knew your dad. He was as genuine as they came. Honest to a fault and so full of life. He owned who he was and made no excuses. I don’t claim to know what you are going through, Danny, but you have three brothers and a huge family that love you and only want the best for you. No, your brothers are not your dad, but he continues to live on in each of them. Don’t let the pain you are feeling swallow you whole and turn you into us. Your dad wouldn’t want that. He wanted better for you.”

“I miss him,” I whispered as tears rolled down my face.

“I know, and if I could bring him back for you, I would. But life moves on, Danny. You need to find a way to move on from him before his death consumes you and you become someone unrecognizable.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Yes, you do. Only you’re scared of what everyone will think.”

“I don’t want to disappoint them.”

“That’s impossible. Would you like to know why?”

Nodding, I turned and looked at him.

“Because they already know.”

That was impossible. I was careful.

“Your dad was so fucking proud of you, Danny. He talked about you all the time, and when he got started, the biggest smile would spread across his face. He told me once that you were his future, the legacy he was most proud of. You were the joy of his life.”

“I annoyed him.”

He smirked. “Yes, that’s probably true, but he loved you none the less. Your dad knew you were special, Danny. Hell, the Biker Federation and the entire underground knew that from a young age. What you can do with computers is remarkable. Your dad only wanted you to have every opportunity this world could afford before the forces of nature took a hold and drew you into the darkness.”

“It didn’t work. I still got sucked in.”

“Yes, you did, and now it’s time for you to own who you are, because if you don’t, this world will destroy you. It’s hard enough to navigate the underworld, but to do so alone while pretending to be someone you’re not, is an impossible feat. I should know. There are days I find myself barely hanging on.”

“But you love this life.”

“Yes, I do, but that doesn’t mean it’s all been easy for me. You need to find someone who gives your life purpose; meaning if you don’t, this world will chew you up and spit you out. And before you tell me you have no one, you should know Pippen has a picture of you in the top drawer of his desk. He keeps it hidden ‘cause he thinks we will kick him out. Fucking prospect.”

“He thinks you hate him.”

“Good. Then I’m doing my job, but I don’t hate him. I guess in a way, Pippen’s a lot like you. So young and still so much to learn about the world he lives in. But I have faith that he will learn. You, on the other hand, need to accept who you are. Own it. Wrap it around you like a cloak and fuck everyone else. You get me?”

Nodding, I whispered, “I think so.”

“Good,” he sighed, getting to his feet, then smiled. “You should know your brother Ace showed up looking for you. We’ll hand you over to him, eventually.”

I moaned. “Great. He’s gonna kick my ass.”

“I sure hope so, because you are skating on thin ice, kid. You can’t straddle the line anymore. You’re gonna have to choose soon. School or lifestyle. You are too important to everyone.”

“Montana?” I spoke up while he turned to leave only to look back at me.

Smirking, I asked, “Does this mean we’re friends now?”

Shaking his head, he grinned. “Not a fucking chance in hell, kid. You are still on my shit list.”

As promised, Montana kept me confined within his cage, the hours melting into days, as my sense of time completely distorted and faded away. As more time passed while I sat in the confines of this cage, a feeling of claustrophobia intensified, constricting my mind to such an extent that it ultimately prevented me from falling asleep.

Exhaustion had taken over me completely, causing me hardly to notice the loud voice emanating from the clubhouse. Trying to concentrate, I vaguely heard a muffled shout, like a distant clap of thunder.

“Where is she?!”

Confused, I shook my head. The cacophony of noises assaulted my ears, making it nearly impossible to focus. Completely out of touch, the words felt like gibberish, their meaning obscured by my lack of understanding.

Was someone missing? Who?

The unanswered questions mounted, each one a blow to my head, a pressure building behind my eyes. Grabbing my head in my hands, I pressed my fingers against my ears, the ringing and distorted sounds closing in, as I desperately searched for something, anything, to anchor me to reality.

“I trusted him. I trusted you. She was in your care when she disappeared. I should kill you where you stand!”

Reaching for the soft, cool pillow, I laid my head on the slightly lumpy mattress, pulling the covers over my head, trying to block out the incessant sounds around me. The stinging memory of my dad’s disappointed glare was joined by the jeering voices of my brothers and cousins, their laughter echoing in my ears as their fingers pointed accusingly. Shame and hurt washed over me. Their whispers were so fucking loud in my head, and their condemning glares and harsh words accusing me of my failures were inescapable.

I failed them.

They needed me, and I wasn’t there to help them.

They would never forgive me.

“Sypher, wake up,” a rough voice rasped, the sounds of metal scraping on stone and the rusty hinges of a door protesting its opening, jolting me back to reality. The sudden weight of a hand on my shoulder made me jump as I scrambled back, hitting the wall with a thud, my eyes struggling to focus in the dim light.

“Whoa, kid.” Payne held up his hands. “It’s just me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Mr. Payne?” I muttered, rubbing my hands down my face.

“Yeah, kid. It’s me. You okay? You look like shit.”

“What day is it?”

“Uh, Friday, I think. Look, kid, I know time gets away from the best of us, but I need you to focus for a minute. Can you do that?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good. We got an issue, and we need your help.”

“What issue?”

“Petrovitch took Illyria. Pippen gave Maxim a tracker, but the prospect is having problems tracking her.”

Sitting up, I muttered, “Internal or external?”

“What?”

“The tracker. Is it internal or external?”

“Internal.”

Taking a deep breath, I focused my mind on the problem. “Just have him change the parameters of his algorithm. That should fix the problem.”

“Yeah, I ain’t gonna remember that shit.” Payne groaned. “Come on, kid. Pippen needs your help before Maxim kills him.”

Blinking, I looked up, confused. “Ms. Illyria is missing?”

“Yeah. I already said that.” The big guy frowned, his brows furrowing. “You sure you’re alright?”

Getting to my feet, I rubbed the back of my neck.

“Yeah. Take me to Pippen.”