Page 21 of Switch

I’m climbing back into bed when I get another text, which I almost ignore.Those idiots will probably be talking about cock cages and gangbangs until the sun comes up.

Except the text isn’t from the group chat.

Fallon: Since you mentioned having a pet bird, I thought you might find this amusing.

We’ve been texting here and there since our date.Mostly, he sends me stupid memes, and I respond with an eye roll or a swear emoji.I may also occasionally remind him to eat or rest, because he doesn’t seem to do a lot of adulting for a guy his age.

I click on the video he just sent, which shows a parrot yelling at a guy that he needs to get a job.I chuckle and then send him a reply.

PJ: Sounds like that parrot knows my parrot.What are you doing scrolling videos at this time of night?

Fallon: Oh, I didn’t expect you to be awake.

PJ: Probably shouldn’t be, but my brain’s still working

Fallon: Same.I don’t sleep much.

He’s mentioned that a few times, and each time it pisses me off more.I’ve tried not to pry, but I also can’t stand the idea of him lying awake all alone in that big bed of his at night.He really does need a keeper.

PJ: What are you spinning on?

Fallon: It’s stupid.

More embarrassing than baby talking to a bird and dwelling on the insane decisions people make when they’re afraid of being alone?

PJ: Tell me

Fallon: Since you asked so nicely… I’m 37 and I don’t have a vision for my future.

PJ: Plenty of people have that problem.I don’t think there’s an age limit on having your life figured out.

I’d bet my mom, who will be out of prison in one to six years depending on her behavior, doesn’t have a plan for the future.She’ll be lucky if she doesn’t get arrested again.

Fallon: Tell that to everyone I know.

PJ: Do I need to fuck somebody up for making you feel like shit?

Fallon: Haha, you’re a good friend.

The suspiciously pointed use of the word friend gives me heartburn.So does his assumption that I’m joking.When I care about someone, I take care of them.And I’ve begun to care about Fallon, whether I like it or not.

The smart thing here would be to say good night and sign off.I need sleep and so does he.Fuck knows I don’t need to deal with any more “you’re a good friend” bullshit.

But the apartment’s dark now that I’ve turned out the lights so Jojo can sleep.There’s something about the dark that encourages decisions people wouldn’t otherwise make.

My thumb hovers over the button to initiate a video call.Which would be fucking stupid.Friends don’t call friends at almost four in the morning.

Or maybe they do, because my thumb presses the button before I’m totally aware of what I’m doing.

“This is a surprise,” Fallon says with a smile.He’s sitting up in bed.I recognize the tufted headboard.He’s also shirtless.Hello.

“The conversation felt a little intense for text,” I tell him.“And I don’t like knowing you’re up at night kicking yourself.”

“Not kicking myself exactly, just…feeling a little stuck.When Marina was alive, she always had a plan.When she died, I figured I needed time to grieve, but life would get back to normal.Here I am a year later, and I don’t even know what normal is supposed to be.”He frowns into the camera.“Is it weird, me talking to you about her?”

A little.“Nah.”Then I force what I hope is a convincing smile.“What are friends for?”My ass needs to buy a bottle of those chalky tablets.A few bottles.

It doesn’t bother me that he had a wife.It bothers me that too many of my waking hours are spent obsessing over our night together.