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ChapterOne

Fallon

“Red.”

The word rips painfully out of my throat.No sooner has it left my mouth than Mistress Shanna’s riding crop hits the floor.

“Talk to me.”

Dizzy and ashamed, I slide off the padded bench I’d draped myself over and kneel at her feet.

“I don’t know.I don’t feel right.”I manage a shaky breath.My voice is too quiet for this big room, but right now it’s all I’ve got.“I’m sorry, Mistress.”

I’m butt-ass naked as the day I was born in Shadow’s VIP dungeon, and I’ve used my safe word before she even touched me.My friend Daniel crowed about it for weeks when he hired her.“The best of the best,”he’d said.

Mistress Shanna’s an intimidatingly gorgeous woman with knowing eyes, seductive curves, and copper skin.Her waiting list is so long that there have been bidding wars to move to the front of her line.Daniel slid me into her schedule as a favor.

And I’ve blown it.

She taps her finger under my chin, quietly commanding me to look up.I’d rather she look pissed than see the pity shining from her eyes.

“Daniel told me about your wife,” she says.“Would it help to talk about her?”

Would it help?Probably.Am I going to?Probably not.

My feelings since Marina’s death have been so muddled that I wouldn’t know where to begin.How do I unpack losing the person who controlled every aspect of my life?If I pull those threads now, I might unravel.

I clear my throat.“I thought it would help, coming here.My family’s been on me to get back out there, so to speak.”

“Fallon.”By simply saying my name, she closes my mouth so fast my teeth click.If I ever need a war general or a CEO, Mistress Shanna would be my first call.

“Yes, Mistress.”

“You’re not running a race.Don’t let anyone else tell you when you’re ready or what you want.”

Her kindness eases the tension in my shoulders.It also makes my insides squirm.“To be fair, I did think I was ready to try again.Guess I was wrong.”

I’ve fucked up in plenty of ways in the last year.Of all of them, this one burns the most.

“No right or wrong, honey.You either win a victory or you learn a lesson.Tonight you learned you’re either not yet ready for this—” She gestures between us.“—or you’re not yet ready for this.”She gestures around the room.“It’s not failure.Just information.”

Another deep breath.“Yeah.Okay.I think you’re right.”

“I’m always right.Forget what anyone else thinks you need, Fallon.Including any past version of you.You’re a different person now that you’re on your own again.”She takes my chin in the palm of her hand.“Be patient.You’ll get there.Soon, I think.I have a sense about these things.”

I want to believe her so badly.“Thank you, Mistress.”

She pats me on the shoulder.“I’m going to leave you to get dressed.You know where to find me if you need me.”

Before I’ve processed what she said, the door clicks shut quietly.She’s already left.

After a minute, I sigh and get myself dressed.It’s hard not to wonder what Marina would think as I pull my pants on and button my shirt.

Would she be proud that I’m moving on?Amused that I safe worded before the scene began?

Or is she thinking of nothing, because she’s dead?

And she’s not coming back.