Page 25

25

Icarus

I’ve met both Hades and Zeus previously, but there was something about witnessing them standing with Poseidon, making war plans, that really drove home how different they are from me. A direct approach, decisive even, for all that it’s in service of a coup. A simple plan to slide beneath the radar and kill everyone who makes decisions, and then hand back all that power before anyone realizes they’ve stolen it in the first place.

It might even work.

What do I know of war? Nothing. Less than nothing. My skill set is better suited to the bedroom. But that doesn’t mean it’s not valuable. If I can pull my part of this off, it means Zeus’s plan has a better chance of success. It means that Poseidon is more likely to be safe.

I don’t know where that last thought popped up from. Except, yes I do, don’t I? This man has snuck beneath my skin. It’s actually hilarious, because Poseidon is so up-front that I don’t think he’s ever snuck anywhere once in his life. And yet here we are. The thought of being shut out by him sent me into a fucking panic attack, and in response he just held me until we both fell asleep. He’s too fucking kind and it’s going to get him killed.

I take a shaky breath. “Poseidon.”

“Hmm?”

“I need your phone. Not yet, but this afternoon. By then, my marks will have had time to realize they don’t have recourse.” It’s less time than I’d prefer to give them, but we’re definitely in desperate-times-call-for-desperate-measures territory. “This will work.” It has to.

He finally puts the SUV into gear and eases back out of the parking spot. “It’s hurting you to do this. I’m sorry.”

I blink. Of all the things I expect him to say, this wasn’t even on the list. “What are you talking about?”

“Icarus.” He doesn’t look at me. “You promised not to lie.”

Something cold and ugly squirms through me. I don’t have a name for the emotion, only a deep desire not to be feeling it right now. I force a laugh. “Come on, big guy. I’m not lying. They can’t hurt me. They never could hurt me. The worst I got out of the experience is some lackluster sex.”

I expect him to laugh alongside me. To allow me to charm my way past his comment. To do anything but veer into a shadowy parking lot, still untouched by the rising sun in the east. He puts the SUV into park and twists to face me, expression severe. “Don’t do that.”

I don’t know how to do anything else. I manage another laugh, this one a little too harsh to be believable. “Don’t do what? This is who I am.”

“Icarus.” He reaches out slowly, as if he’s not sure of his welcome, as if I’m not about to throw myself into his lap and start sobbing without even knowing why. When he finally makes contact, cupping the side of my face with his big, rough hand, I quiver in something that feels almost like fear.

His eyes are filled with devastating understanding. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

I want to jerk away, but within the confines of the front seat, there’s nowhere to go. So I do the only thing I know how. I lash out, aiming to make it hurt. “Oh, please. I might have been a poor little rich boy whose daddy didn’t love him, but I never went without. I was never hungry or without shelter. What I did had nothing to do with survival .”

“Didn’t it?” Poseidon brushes his thumb beneath my eye and I’m horrified to realize a tear has slipped free. Where did that even come from? I don’t have an answer by the time he keeps speaking. “How old were you the first time?”

“I don’t see how that matters.”

“Indulge me.” It’s no less a command for being softly spoken.

I swallow hard. “Sixteen, but it’s not what you think.”

He nods, his amber eyes completely free of the judgment I expect. People have bargained their bodies since the beginning of time, for safety, for money, for food. I did it for secrets I didn’t even need. It’s not as if they paved the way to power. The most use I’ll get from them now is saving the lives of strangers who wouldn’t piss on me if I were on fire.

Apparently there’s no way but forward. I curse myself for the awful feeling in my stomach that I can’t quite dispel. “Look, no one made me do anything. Maybe at first I was looking for love in all the wrong places, but I figured out the game pretty quick. I always planned on getting out, Poseidon, but I didn’t want to do it with his resources.”

He strokes my face again and leans forward to press a kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Act like I’m someone to be pitied. I made my choices, and they’re going to save this fucking city. I don’t need this weird song and dance of comfort.” When he leans back, I expect him to be shut down. Or be angry. Or be anything but still brimming with that deep understanding. “Stop it,” I whisper. “Stop being nice to me.”

“I don’t know how to be anything else.”

That’s what I’m afraid of.

When the threat Circe represents ends, so does Olympus’s need for me—and by extension, Poseidon’s need to keep me captive. If I even am captive anymore. I don’t think I can exactly waltz out of here and go wherever I want, but I’m hardly being kept under lock and key.

I know better than to hope. Allowing hope means setting myself up for devastation. I sit back and close my eyes. “I promised my sister I’d meet her in Brazil. I try really hard not to lie to her because I lie to everyone else. Something—someone—has to be sacred.”

He shifts, but he doesn’t touch me again. Anyone else would start driving again to allow this uncomfortable conversation to fade away. He doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t; he’s Poseidon, and Poseidon has never done anything that I expect him to.

Finally, he says, “Why Brazil?”

“It’s on Ariadne’s list of places she wants to visit, experiences she wants to have.” It’s like the strength goes out of my body when I talk about my sister. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve never talked about her to anyone . My past lovers were essentially marks—the goal to get information, rather than give it. If I made small talk or told them things, those topics were easy and safe and didn’t matter. They couldn’t be used to hurt me. Not like the sister I love.

Poseidon doesn’t say anything for so long, I finally give in to curiosity and open my eyes to find him watching me the same way I imagine someone would watch a feral animal they were trying to coax close enough to aid.

He catches me looking at him and smiles a little bashfully, color splashing his cheeks. “I’d like to hear about her if you’re willing to tell me.”

I try to analyze the request from different angles, to see how it could hurt me—could hurt her —but more than anything, I do want to talk about her. With him, specifically.

I wrap my arms around myself and huddle into the jacket he gave me without hesitation when he realized I was cold. It wasn’t a move with the intention of getting something in return. He saw my need and he met it with no expectations.

This offer to talk about Ari is the same.

I take a deep breath. “My sister is the one with dreams. Ever since we were kids, she had her eyes on the horizon, on all the places the world has to offer. All she ever wanted to do was travel and inhale every experience. She’s always been fearless like that. It didn’t matter that it was unlikely to ever happen, that our father intended to marry her off to the first strategic match he could find. She hoped .” I chuckle hoarsely. “Now look at her, sailing off with her pet monster to do exactly what she always wanted.” She’ll accomplish it, too. I have no doubts about that. She’s already managed the impossibility of freedom, so what are the little details like money and papers?

“Brazil?” Poseidon prompts gently.

“Carnaval.” My heart aches like it’s rotting in my chest. Because this is just another promise I’m going to fail to keep. “It happens in February every year, a massive party and explosion of joy and color and music. Right up Ari’s alley. But it’s one of the places on her list that has a specific set of dates. Easier to find each other, I guess.” Though that’s not the full truth. If I escaped Olympus, I have my sister’s phone number. She and the Minotaur have no reason to think anyone would bother tracking it, so she’ll keep it in the hope that one day it’ll ring and be me on the other end.

I hate that I won’t get to experience freedom with her, that I won’t be at her side as she visits all the places on the endless itineraries she created over the years. Sometimes when we were young, we would play pretend about the adventures we’d have in Egypt or Korea or New Zealand—endless places to visit and things to experience.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

I turn to him in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“If we’d been a little later, you would have been on that ship with her.” He shakes his head slowly. “I’m not in the habit of making promises when I have no guarantee I can keep them, but I’ll do everything in my power to ensure you see the other side of this—and have the resources to keep your promise to your sister.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. “Either you’re the most fucked-up manipulator I’ve ever met—which is saying something—or you’re too fucking good for this world.” Before he can argue, I lean across the console and kiss him hard. He instantly melts for me, which just proves my point about him being perfect. The temptation to sink into the kiss is almost more than I can resist. But I do resist—because he needs me to. We have less than twelve hours to accomplish the impossible, and we’re not going to manage that by me hauling him into the back seat of this SUV and fucking him senseless.

It’s still a balm to my shattered soul to see disappointment on his flushed face when I finally lean back. I smooth my thumb over his bottom lip. “We have things to do.”

“We…” He clears his throat. “Right. Yes. You’re right.” But as he gathers himself enough to resume driving, he reaches over to take my hand, lacing his big fingers through mine. I know I can’t actually feel his heartbeat through the palm of his hand, but imagining it eases the last of my tension. Because I know this isn’t manipulation. I’m beginning to believe he’s not actually capable of it. This is just…him.

Poseidon. One of the most powerful people in Olympus and the only person I’ve ever met who seems to hate the idea of power. And still he manages to use it to be a force for good. Those under his command are safe and cared for in his blunt way. They don’t fear him because they know he has their best interests at heart. He’s a godsdamned unicorn.

And I want him more than I want air to breathe.