Page 44

I woke up to Tyler walking past my open bedroom door, smelling of soap and with damp hair.

“Morning,” I said.

He didn’t say anything, just stopped in my open doorway.

“Tyler.”

He stopped with his hand on the doorframe. He paused for a minute, scratched at a piece of paint on the wood, and left me in my room by myself.

I threw on clean clothes and followed him downstairs.

Tyler and Tyeshia were sitting on the couch watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade while Sierra was sulking at the dining room table. Tyler glanced up at me but didn’t say anything. I rolled my eyes and went to join my sister.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her.

Dad sat down between us, glancing over to the couch. He said loudly enough for all of us to hear. “You four need to figure things out.”

Tyler and Tyeshia looked over at us, neither of them looked very happy.

“I will not have any of you ruining my Thanksgiving.” He stood up and walked back to the sink where he was peeling potatoes.

“Outside,” Sierra whispered to me before walking out the front door.

“Sierra, tell me what’s going on,” I said, closing the door behind me.

I should have grabbed my coat.

She sat down on the porch swing. “I can’t do this with Tyeshia anymore.”

“What are you talking about? What’s going on?”

She swiped a tear away. “I feel like I’m starting to hold her back.”

“What does that mean? Did she say that to you? Do you need me to talk to her?”

“No, no, nothing like that.”

“Then, what, Sierra?”

She leaned back against the swing and rested her head against the wall. “I feel like I’m starting to hold her back. She’s applying for med school and thinking about OB residencies and the only thing in my immediate future is graduation. I don’t have a single job prospect yet.”

“Does she know that you feel this way?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to burden her with this. I just –” She sighed and put her head in her hands. “I just want to be more for her, ya know?”

I rubbed her back. “I know. I also know that she has incredibly high standards. She loves you because she knows you’re worth it. And, you’re getting a degree in biomedical engineering. That’s an accomplishment in itself.”

She sat back up and looked over at me. “I know, I know.”

“Sierra. Talk to her. She needs to know that you’re feeling this way. This is something that you two need to work through, but you can’t get past it if she doesn’t know it’s a problem.”

She sighed before nodding and standing. “Want me to send Tyler out?”

I shook my head. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I was still trying to figure out how we’d gone from telling each other that we loved each other for the first time to not talking in a matter of just a few hours.

I had a feeling that something like this was going to happen. This was why I was hesitant to tell him that I loved him. I was starting to get annoyed at everyone for pushing me into telling him. There was no way to take it back.

I started to shiver in my sweater and jeans, but I wasn’t ready to go back inside. Maybe I could just spend the morning on the porch. I heard the front door open, resisting the urge to see who it was. A few seconds later, I felt my winter coat draped around my shoulders. Tyler stood next to me.

You can make the first move.

I didn’t understand why he was upset from the night before. I was just trying to help him, and he pushed me away. It took everything I had in me to keep standing next to him instead of running back into the house and locking myself into my room.

“Ali, do you still love me?” He asked softly. I sucked in a sharp breath, slipping my arms into my coat sleeves. That was not the question I was expecting. Of course I still did. I glanced up at him, but he wasn’t looking at me.

“Yes,” I answered just as softly as he’d asked me. “But, we need to talk about it.”

“I know.” He leaned onto the railing, holding his head in his hands. “Where are we supposed to start?”

Way to start with an easy question, Tyler. May as well rip the Band-Aid off. “Why don’t we start with why you don’t take your meds like you’re supposed to?”

He took a deep breath and rubbed his face, head still in his hands.

“My grandmother doesn’t think I should take them. She thinks that taking them makes me weak.”

“It doesn’t.” I looked at the snow falling and turned back to look at him. I took one of the hands from his head and held it in mine. “You’re not weak, Tyler. You were prescribed them because you need them. Because they help you.”

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and straightened up, looking away from me. “I don’t think they do though.”

I moved myself between him and the railing, making him look at me. “Why? Because they don’t work or because you don’t take them like you’re supposed to?”

“Ali, don’t push this.”

I wanted to push him, but I didn’t want to push him away.

“Tyler.” I ran my hands down his arms and laced our fingers together. “I love you, remember? People that love each other are supposed to help each other and be there for each other. I’m pushing because I care about you and I’m worried about you.”

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned into him.

“I know,” he said into my hair. “I don’t want you to worry. I just… It’s hard, darling. I feel like no matter what I do, I’m bound to let someone down.”

“Just don’t let yourself down. I will always be here for you. I might be a huge pain and harass you about taking care of yourself, but I’m not going to leave you.”

“I don’t deserve you.” The words caught in his throat, and I could tell he was trying not to cry.

“If anyone deserves me, it’s you. You might be the only one that can handle me.”

He forced a laugh. He pulled away a little and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry I’m so hard to deal with.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry that life has been so unkind to you.”

“It gave me you. It’s not all bad. Let’s go back inside.”