Page 17 of Sun and Stone (Elementally Yours #5)

17. Always Darkest Before…

Rap. Rap. Rap.

"No, thank you," I mumble, blindly grabbing for a pillow to press over my ear and muffle the sound.

A persistent noise keeps trying to wake me from my slumber and force me to rejoin the waking world while I do my best to stay asleep.

Rap. Rap. Rap.

The knocking won't go away. Someone keeps banging on my door. I groan, slowly untangling myself from the floor where I’d fallen asleep among scattered textbooks and notes.

That's right, I'd fallen asleep over my coffee table, not even hauling myself up and dropping down onto the couch first. It was a notebook covering my face and not a pillow. My eyes feel gritty, a testament to yet another all-nighter.

With a sigh, I push myself up and shuffle to the door, glancing through the peephole. A tired smile tugs at my lips when I see Fynn's familiar face. Maybe I should have just stayed over at his place, but I needed time to think about us and what Argyle and I talked about, not that I reached a decision.

"Someone has to make sure you eat." He holds up a paper bag with takeout as I open the door.

"You're a lifesaver," I usher him in and then wish I'd been awake enough to tidy up first. "Ignore the mess. It reflects my brilliant yet chaotic mind."

Fynn chuckles, stepping inside. "Personally, I like seeing things that reflect you in your apartment."

When I had him over to woo him, I cleaned the whole place. I shoved almost everything into closets, cabinets, and under my bed. The mess now is me, alright.

That's the problem.

Clutter fills the space, papers and cups and magical tools covering the coffee table. Rocks, stones, and minerals are piled up everywhere, on the table, against the wall, a few are even on the couch. I've been using them as inspiration and to see if I can feel anything from them, to get an indication of where I should focus my efforts and decide what magic I should perform for my last chance. All of this is me and it could all be gone next week. Then what will be left?

Just an old guy and his scarves.

It takes a minute to clear a place at the table.

We start moving things—carefully shifting some cheap old gemstones I'd created a while back for practice and relocating several scarves.

Looks like I skipped breakfast and it's already time for lunch.

Fynn brought two large salads for lunch. Healthy, fresh, brain food. Exactly what I probably need, even if I wouldn't say no to a juicy bacon cheeseburger and decadent chocolate shake right about now.

Eventually, he starts talking as we eat.

"Have you ever heard of Centaur’s Landing? It’s a nature park that everybody calls Centaur’s Landing, because as you might have guessed, some centaurs live there.”

I shake my head. “Haven’t heard of it.”

"It takes a few hours to drive there.” He idly picks at his salad while he speaks. “Some of my siblings weren’t big on the great outdoors when we were growing up. The only reason they agreed to camping trips with minimal fuss was because we went to Centaur’s Landing, and they wanted to be some of the few humans lucky enough to see or even talk to a centaur. We never saw any, but I still have so many fond memories of vacations there."

Oh. I think I know why he’s bringing this up. “That’s where you’re going to brand?”

Fynn smiles as he imagines it. "Yeah. A hiking trail winds through the forest and then the trees part, and there’s this rocky ledge overlooking the valley below. My mom and I would wake up early and sneak away to sit on the ledge and watch the sunrise. It’s where I want to accept my brand."

"Sounds nice," I manage, forcing a smile. I am happy for him, and he deserves this so much.

"Yeah, it will be. But there’s just one thing missing."

"Oh, what’s that?"

Fynn gives me a significant look.

"Me?" I wonder.

“Of course," he says. "Not too long ago, I thought there was no point in even trying to gain magic while I still could. Thought I didn’t have a prayer and that my powers are weak. You changed everything for me, Perry. This wouldn’t be possible without you."

"Thank you. Glad I could help..." With a deep breath, I continue. "And I get that I’m important to your journey, but I don’t know if I can."

"I get that," he says. "And I debated about asking, but I kept coming back to one thing in the end.”

"What’s that?"

"You’re important to me,” he says simply. “Doesn’t feel right to me, to imagine you not being there.”

The words are touching, but the thought of having a front row seat while Fynn embraces his magical destiny puts me off my food. "Not sure being there feels right for me."

"Perry, please—"

"I can't, okay?" I snap. "I just can't."

I feel like an ass. Snapping at him is like yelling at a puppy. I can't even glance over and see the look on his face. But how can he ask me to be there when he brands? The timing has never been worse.

Fynn pushes his salad away, accidentally knocking over a few gemstones off the edge of the table. Guess he won't let this go.

"Listen to me, Perry. You might think I'm being insensitive, but I know what I'm talking about here. This is why I was tested the way I was. This is why I'm glad everything happened with my ex."

My brows furrow in confusion. "What? What the hell does Malcolm have to do with this?"

"I was so consumed with my own goals that I lost him. And I'm glad I did,” he adds before I can start worrying. "We weren't right for each other, but more than that, it was good for me to get my priorities in order before the real thing came along and I made a terrible mistake." He reaches out and claims my hand with his own. "Timing is weird sometimes, it sucks. You get the right thing at the worst possible moment. And it's not how you planned or ideal, but you gotta go for it."

There's something he's trying to tell me. And it's right there, staring me in the face. But I'm sleep deprived and not in the best state of mind and this whole conversation isn't what I expected when he brought me lunch. I'm not getting it.

"That's what your ex taught you?" I wonder, staring down at our joined hands.

"No, that last part is what you taught me."

That gets me to look up. His eyes bore into mine, earnest and sincere. "Losing magic is huge, a terrible loss, but it isn't the worst thing in the world. And it would be horrible to be so consumed with this loss that something else passes you by."

"Easy for you to say," I blurt out defensively. "You have magic."

Totally the wrong thing to say. I realize as soon as the words leave my mouth. He unlinks our hands and leans back. Shit, I really am an ass. He doesn't deserve that from me.

"Fynn, I—"

But before I can get the words out, he holds up a hand. "No, it's okay. I get it, Perry. This isn't an easy time for you." He stands up from the table, avoiding my gaze. "I'm just gonna give you some space to think, alright? I hope you change your mind, but I understand if you can't be there. Just... promise me you'll at least think about it?"

I nod weakly, watching as he turns and walks away. The door shuts behind him quietly. He didn't even make a dramatic exit and slam it closed like I might have if someone pissed me off. Now I feel even smaller than I did before.

Alone now, I let out a heavy sigh, slumping down in my chair. What a mess.

~

As I walk across the familiar quad of Primrose University, the gloomy, overcast sky matches my mood perfectly. That doesn't mean I want to get caught in a rainstorm. That's the only way to make this shitty day worse.

"Don't you dare," I warn the dark clouds above.

It's been a few days since the last time I saw Fynn and made everything with him a million times worse. He's giving me some space, which is considerate. But it's also unfortunate because I haven't worked up the nerve to call or text him or found the right words to apologize.

My mood has been as dark as the sky ever since I woke up. Today is the day. Fynn will become a sunbrand. And he wants me there. I'll feel even worse if I don't support him. But I'm not sure I can handle being there.

Throwing caution to the wind, I decide to take a walk across campus despite the threat of rain. I've been a student here for so long, this campus has become a second home.

Staying at school and watching others pass me by hasn't been the most fun experience. But the school itself, the atmosphere and the people? I've always liked that part.

And now I have to say goodbye. That's worth risking a little rain.

This is really it. The end of the road. Magic has been my entire life, my passion, my driving force. And now... now it's all slipping away.

And just as suddenly as he entered my life, it seems that Fynn might leave too.

I pause for a moment, closing my eyes and taking a shuddering breath. I don't know what I'm going to do now. Everything is crumbling all around me.

Then, inexplicably, I feel a burst of hope and happiness.

I look up and see the clouds have parted and the sun is shining down on me. I glare at the sun for ruining my maudlin moment… but I can't keep up the expression for long. Staring at the sun, feeling its warmth on my face, I find myself feeling better.

Because now when I think of the sun, I think of Fynn. That's what makes me feel better, feeling his element. Fynn has become so important to me in such a short time.

A smile tugs at the corners of my mouth as I remember his warm, bright presence.

"Oh my god. I'm such an idiot," I tell the sun. The sun does not disagree.

I cannot lose him too. I have to make things right with Fynn. That's what he was trying to tell me.

Losing magic is huge, a terrible loss, but it isn't the worst thing in the world. And it would be horrible to be so consumed with this loss that something else passes you by.

Losing magic is terrible. But at least there are clear signs and signals, there are assessors there to help you along.

You never really know with love. It can be gone before you realize, and you don't know if you'll get another shot.

I could lose a lot more than magic. I could lose Fynn.

He was grateful to his ex for teaching him a valuable lesson. Fynn tried to tell me and I couldn't see it because I was on my way to making the same mistake. Prioritizing magic over him.

I’ll figure out how to date a wizard. We'll figure it out together.

Try as I might, I might lose magic. But I don’t have to lose him too. I have to show him how important he is, not a consolation prize or second best. He came into my life in the darkest moment and made everything so much brighter. Why would I ever want to be without him?