Page 35

Chapter 35

Ari

“ G one? What the fuck do you mean?” Bones asked, starting to look terrified.

Lotto emerged from his room wearing nothing but gray sweats and sleepy eyes. “What’s going on?” He noticed me, and his eyes widened. “Ari? Why are you here?” He checked the clock on the wall and blinked. “Jesus, it’s late. What’s going on?”

“This is hard to explain. I think we need to go and sit down,” I said.

I went to the kitchen with both of them right behind me, my pulse heavy in my ears. I had just been waiting in the house, trying to work out how to give these two the worst news ever, and I had come up with nothing. How was I supposed to tell them that all their fighting for Cisco had been for nothing, and that they lost anyway?

We all took our seats, and both Bones and Lotto stared at me expectantly, forcing me to begin. “Your dad… He asked me to come here. And he… he asked me to relay a message.” I drew a deep breath and blurted, “He told me that he’s ready to die.”

There was no way to ease into this conversation, but I hated my choice of words. And by the way that both of them flinched, I had come off too harsh.

“Bullshit!” Bones burst out.

“Please don’t get mad at me,” I pleaded. “I’m only the messenger.” When he gave me a small nod, I gave a shaky sigh. “He told me that he’s lived a full life, and that he’s done with fighting this disease. I honestly don’t think that he has any fight left in him.”

“Why would he not tell us this?” Bones asked.

“Where is he?” Lotto was being cold, demanding answers in a monotone voice.

“He’s on a plane,” I admitted, squeezing my fists in fear of how they would react. “He wanted to spend what’s left of his life back home in Mexico.”

“What are you talking about?” Bones jumped up as if he was ready to get on a plane himself.

I rose and gently sat him back down, needing him to remain calm. I stroked his arm for a few moments until I could feel the tension loosening ever so slightly. I had already known this was going to be bad, but I hadn’t been prepared for quite how violently he was going to react.

“Are you telling us he just left. Tonight?” Lotto shook his head in disbelief.

I nodded. “He knew you wouldn’t let him go. Both of you.”

“He’s sick. Really sick!” Bones said, pacing back and forth. “This is insane. He’s not thinking straight.”

“He’s gone to Mexico City, and that’s where he wants to stay,” I continued, feeling the need to communicate Cisco’s feelings as best I could. He had entrusted that in me. “I know that this is hard for you guys to hear, and I’m sure that you aren’t going to like it, but you have to let him go. Cisco wants his life to be remembered in a positive way.” Tears were forming in Bones’ eyes, which could have been out of sadness, frustration, or even rage. But it meant I was getting to him. “He sold off his boxing collection, and financially will be fine. I get the impression that he has been planning this for a while.”

“Then I fucking fly to Mexico and get him back!” Lotto cut in.

“Lotto… stop for a second and think about his wishes. You know him. You know why he chose this.”

“We can’t let him die,” Bones said.

“You can’t stop something that Cisco has already accepted. I know it’s hard, but he doesn’t want this. You may, but he doesn’t.”

Bones sighed as he ran his hand over his face, not saying another word.

“Your dad doesn’t want you to throw away your career and your chance at happiness. He doesn’t want to be responsible for you being left with nothing. He certainly doesn’t want you getting involved with those scumbags again, and especially Nero.”

“So you know?” Bones looked up at me with heartbreak in his eyes. “Dad told you about my plan?”

“He did.” I reached out to grab his hands. “And I understand. I know I’d do anything for the ones I love, too. I know this isn’t easy for you, but it doesn’t matter now. You can just abandon the entire idea and plan.”

“Ari…” He did not sound convinced, which had me more than a little worried.

Had he already agreed to something that he could no longer get out of? Had he already started falling into that trap once more? I had no experience in that world, so I had no idea how it worked at all.

“I might as well just be honest with you both,” he finally said to me and Lotto. “I’ve already been given some money from Nero. I might already be in too deep. It’s not as easy as just saying I changed my mind.”

“Well what if…” I drawled slowly, “we figure this out together? Come up with a plan together?”

“I don’t want to get you involved,” he said, “but I see that I already have. I’m sorry. Really fucking sorry.” He took a deep breath. “What else did my father say? Did he give an address? Any details?”

The time was right to give him Cisco’s letter. I had no idea what it contained, but I worried that Lotto and Bones weren’t ready to see Cisco’s wishes in black and white.

“Your dad gave this to me,” I said, handing him the envelope. “I hope this gives you both the answers you need.”

He tore the letter open quickly, as if he wasn’t even really thinking about it, and much to my surprise, he read it aloud so Lotto could hear.

Dear Bones and Lotto. My boys,

I just want to start off by apologizing for leaving you behind like this. I know you both must be angry with me, and the explanation I’ve given probably doesn’t feel enough for you, but I hope that one day you manage to come to terms with it all.

I have decided to go to Mexico, to live out the last of my days because returning home is something I’ve always wanted to do, and something I’ve never had the chance to. I’ve always had responsibilities, and I’ve never had the money. I need the smell of Mexico, the taste of Mexico, and the feel of Mexico once more. I plan to eat my weight in authentic food and just live.

Bones burst into weak laughter, but there was no hiding the sad tears that streamed down his cheeks.

I do appreciate everything that you’ve both done for me. I appreciate all the help given to me, but I hope you get that I can’t keep on doing this fight any longer. Fighting cancer is a filthy fight. I can’t be in the ring any longer. It’s time for me to be at peace with my fate and be reunited with the woman of my dreams.

Please don’t try to find me, and know that I will be in contact again when I feel the time is right. Give me this. I beg you both to try to understand.

I’m so proud of the two of you. I’ve always been proud. You’ve both worked hard. You’ve overcome adversity. You’ve made something of yourselves despite the fact that both of your lives haven’t always been easy. Now is the time to let go of all your pain and demons and to start focusing on you. The both of you. You’re a team and always will be, and that gives me comfort knowing you have each other.

I will always love you both.

Dad/Pops

As Bones finished reading the letter, I raced to his side to pull him in for a hug. He clung to me tightly, and my heart shattered into a million pieces for him. I hated that there was nothing I could really do. All I was able to do was help Bones get through this, however long it took.

“He’s such a good man,” Bones said. “It’s not fair that I’m losing him. I hate it. I fucking hate it. He doesn’t deserve to go. I need him. I really need him. I don’t think I can go on without him.”

“You aren’t alone,” I tried to reassure him. “I’m here. The gym is here. You are never alone. I really don’t want you to ever feel that way. I know we aren’t your family, but we can be if you let us. I promise we won’t let you down.” I desperately needed to bring him around, but I didn’t think it was doing any good. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Lotto rose, made his way to Bones, and pulled him away from me so he could hug him himself. He didn’t say anything, but I had the feeling he didn’t need to for Bones to receive comfort. They both had a silent language, and it impressed me to see the connection.

“Jesus,” he said as he broke away and stared out the window. “I’m a damn mess. I’ve spent so long trying to fight for my dad that I really became a weak man.”

“You are far from weak,” Lotto said.

Bones let out a deep breath. “Maybe I’m strong in the cage, but it’s time I pull my shit together and get strong outside of it. Enough is enough.”

It seemed like hours passed before the mood lightened, but I soon got Bones to the position where he was telling me happy stories about his relationship with Cisco and sharing fond memories. Seeing Bones so sad and broken, his entire being falling apart, damn near killed me. But I knew this man, could see his inner strength rebounding, and it was a matter of time until he dominated in all aspects. He was Bones . It made me realize just how much I cared for him.

As we sat on the couch, his head resting back, I watched Bones drift off into a deep sleep. Maybe I should wake him so that Lotto and I could put him into bed, but he looked so comfortable I didn’t want to disturb him. I was sure he hadn’t slept well in God knows how long.

As his breathing became deeper, and a light snore came out of his nose, an overwhelming rush of love consumed me.

“We should all get some sleep,” Lotto said in a low voice. “The sun will be up soon.”

I stood and nodded. “You’re right. I should get going.”

“No, I’m not letting you drive home alone this late. You’ve got to be exhausted.” He reached for my hand. “You’re sleeping with me tonight.”

“What about Bones?”

“He’s out cold. He’ll be fine.”

Without a word, I let him take my hand and lead me to his bedroom. Once there, he pulled back the covers and gestured for me to climb in. I did so, scooting over to the far side of the bed to give him room.

Lotto didn’t join me right away. Instead, he went to the bathroom and returned a moment later with a glass of water. He set it on the bedside table and then finally climbed in beside me.

The bed was big, but not big enough to keep us from feeling each other’s presence. I enjoyed the heat of his body, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he settled in beside me.

For a moment, we lay there in silence, neither one of us moving or speaking. But then, Lotto rolled over onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow so he could look down at me.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly. “I’m glad it was you to give us the news. As hard as it was. It was the first time in a long time I didn’t feel like I had to be the strength. The spine. It was nice to have someone else take that role. Even for a moment.”

“You don’t always have to be the strong one,” I said.

“Neither do you, and yet we both try.”

I smiled. “We have that in common. We have a lot in common.”

He sighed contentedly and settled back down beside me, pulling me close so that my head was resting on his chest. I could hear the steady thump of his heart beneath my ear, and I felt myself drifting off to sleep, safe and… appreciated in his arms.