Page 32 of Sucker Love (Sugar Pill Duet #1)

I hear him get up. His footsteps close in, and his shadow is cast over the carpet as he stands behind me.

I want to turn around and lunge myself at him so bad, but I don’t.

I’m being obedient. Either that or I just can’t bring myself to move now, even though every joint in my body is screaming.

Sunk cost. “Do you actually want this, Noel?”

I wet my lips and swallow again. I try to speak, but my voice fails me .

“Do you?” he repeats.

“Yes!”

“Then tell me how. Own it for me.”

Own it. My eyes slip shut.

Own that I am so afraid of what it means to want so badly, and accept that the wanting doesn’t make me a bad person.

That I am not bad for wanting to be wanted.

That I’m not bad for receiving and enjoying pleasure.

That every time Luca kisses and touches and fucks me, it’s not to be banked.

It’s not to be used against me later as evidence that I only take. That my neediness is not inherent sin.

Own that I have been punishing him for the mistakes I’ve made with every person I’ve ever had sex with.

The ways I have been wronged, when he has done not a single thing to deserve it.

He doesn’t. He has never hurt me or discarded me.

He has only ever wanted me the way that I have wanted him.

Has only striven to give me the things I want to give him in equal measure.

Give myself over wholly, open myself up and stop worrying about the rest. Trust him.

Trust him not to hurt me and not to cast me aside the moment I show him who I really am and the depth of my need.

How easily I could attach myself to him, body and soul.

Because it’s him, and he’s everything I’ve ever fucking wanted and needed and that is terrifying. Oh, god. It really is.

But I do what he wants. I speak it aloud, this weighty desire of mine.

“I just want you to want me,” I whisper, and every word flays me alive.

“Really fucking want me, Luca, the way I want you. I want to be held and touched and fucked like it’s real.

” My voice catches and breaks again. “Like this is real for you.” I’m bleeding out on the floor.

“I just want to be y ours. I want to be completely and utterly yours. All of me, all of you, and I don’t want to feel guilty for a single minute of that.

” And it’s too much, I’ve said too much, I wish I could take it back but there it is. “Luca, please.”

Luca goes to his knees behind me. “Oh, Noel,” he says against my ear, the words escaping him in a sigh, and my stomach seizes so suddenly I gasp. “This is real.”

With his words, his touch, my chains are broken at last.

I turn my head and his mouth crashes against mine in a bruising kiss, our teeth clicking.

His tongue delves past my lips and I taste blood, but I don’t know whose.

His arms go tight around my shoulders, pulling me back against his body, denim grinding into my backside.

All I can do is beg with a body that already feels pulled apart but it’s a language he’s fluent in— m e.

He’s known exactly what he’s doing the whole goddamn time.

To me. And hindsight is twenty-fucking-twenty because I love it, I really do, I would kneel for him again and again and again, show him belly and throat and whatever the fuck else he wanted, bleed out a thousand deaths. I am his, all his.

Yours. A silent, one-word prayer, offered with every kiss and touch and moan. Yours. Yours. Yours.

He breaks the kiss and licks my cheek, my jaw, my throat while my head lolls back, the sounds I’m making loud and helpless and obscene.

One hand goes over my mouth to stifle my cries and the other travels down my body, pulls at one nipple and rolls it between his fingers.

I squirm and twist my body, my tongue jammed against his palm and teeth nipping until he pinches harder and tells me how wretched I am, which I am.

Fingertips walking down my ribs, slipping along my belly and over the ridge of my hipbone until at last it arrives between the legs I spread readily for him.

And even then there isn’t relief just yet.

He caresses the inside of one thigh, tracing circles and shapes and the goddamn alphabet while my cock twitches and I tear up again.

He’s whispering in my ear, telling me to be good , to be still, and I’m trying.

A keening sound comes from deep within my throat, a desperation I’ve yet to know until this very moment. I close my eyes.

“Mine,” he tells me softly. “All mine.”

His fingers brush the tip and I cry out against his fingers. My hands clamp his wrist and my hips buck into his hand, chasing the orgasm he’s been edging out of me this entire time.

“Needy thing,” he breathes against my neck. “I’m gonna fuck you senseless.”

I try to say please but it sounds like nnnmm.

Luca pushes me facedown onto the carpet and his arm pulls my hips skyward.

I don’t know where he got the lube from but he’s pushing a slick finger inside me and when I make noise again he cautions me to be quieter.

“These walls aren’t that thick,” he says, kissing the small of my back. “People will start complaining.”

“Fuck ‘em,” I grit out, cheek to the carpet.

For that he slaps my ass with his free hand while still knuckle-deep inside me, which sends me spasming across the floor all over again. My moans would shame a porn star.

“You gonna behave?” Zipper scrapes denim, then the crinkle of a condom wrapper, and I turn to watch as he fishes his giant perfect dick out of his jeans.

I have the sudden and fiercest need to be bare-backed, raw dogged, bred, and it’s so intense that I have to turn away and bury my face in my arms before the thought spends me.

I know I’m not going to last. “You want a pillow to bite?” he asks, grabbing my hip. “Seriously.”

“Hm-mm.” I’m good, I’m good, I’m so good.

And oh fuck he’s in me all at once, not even bothering to take his time because there is no time.

We’ve waited long enough. He’s just as on edge as I am and his breath escapes him in a hiss even as I bite down on my forearm to silence myself, finding a quick, rough rhythm.

“God, you’re always so fucking tight,” grating out of him, groaning low and guttural as every one of my exhales is a whine, a whimper, a mewl.

He feels so fucking good. Big, enormous, filling me up, just this side of pain.

No. Walking the line of it. The intensity of his thrusts jolt me against the carpet and scour my chest and arms. The slap of sweaty flesh is so much louder in the absence of anything else and it’s hot.

The way we’re trying so hard to be quiet when neither of us want to be.

Luca’s fingers slips from my hip around to my cock and that’s all I needed, that last little fucking bit.

I bite down so hard I taste blood, crying out as I come all over his fingers, and it’s so fucking good I nearly black out, my entire body convulsing.

His whole body heaves and shudders and he manages an oh fuck, baby before he’s done, too, railing himself as deep as he can inside me and letting go.

For a delusional moment I imagine there’s no condom and I’m feeling him, all of him, spilling inside me.

I want that, too. All of him. Everything.

He falls to the floor with me and gathers me in his arms, and I’m a sweaty, quivering mess, tears on my lashes and blood on my tongue, splattered with lube and come, but he doesn’t care.

He holds me while I push my face close. “You are mine, Noel,” he’s whispering fiercely to me, stroking my damp hair back from my cheeks. “You’re mine. ”

I’m crying again. I’m so fucking happy, smothering his face in kisses, over and over. “Yours,” I agree. “All yours.”