Page 8 of Stuck With My Rockstar Boss (Soul Sounds Brothers #4)

Mika

I stand over in the corner with my eyes trained on Lucas. He looks like he’s having a great time and I’m happy for him, I really am.

But now, with our arrangement, I can’t enjoy myself. While Crystal and Lee snuggle up to strangers on the dance floor, I’m standing here watching Lucas and making sure he’s okay. I’m like a fucking therapy dog.

Okay, that’s not totally fair. I mean, he asked me to sing with him on stage. Surely, that means something. Not that it has to mean anything. I just hope it does. I can’t help it. I really hope he likes me. I hope he likes me a lot.

Because I like him a lot. More than like. I have been trying to avoid the thought, but it’s hard. When I watch him onstage, tromping around without a shirt on, I just imagine running my hands down his sweaty chest and pushing my hips up against him.

Lucas Tremaine is a rockstar, and I’m only human.

When he told me he wanted to go out, I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you sure?” He said he was. What am I supposed to do? I’m his chaperone, not his mom.

He’s been chatting away with some of the roadies, knocking back shots with whoever asks.

I’ve spent the evening walking the perimeter and trying to discourage any girls I see from going up to him.

I use lines like “Yeah, his girlfriend would totally pull your extensions out,” and “I heard he’s got a tiny dick.

” I can’t help but giggle to myself. It’s just hearsay, no harm done.

And besides, he kind of deserves it for abandoning me over here.

Lucas didn’t explicitly say that I should keep girls away from him. He just asked if I could keep an eye out for anyone who could be weird. Well, anyone could be weird. Most weirdos don’t even look that weird, that’s what makes them weird.

Somehow, though, one of these girls slips through the cracks.

A redhead in a tight little black dress sidles up beside him at the bar and cuts into his conversation.

I’ve been that girl; I know what it’s like.

She wants his attention. So, she touches his shoulder and leans close to him, so close he’s visibly leaning away.

Lucas starts scanning the room while attempting to be polite to this girl.

He’s looking for me. And the fear in his eyes is palpable.

I cross the room in record time and call out his name. “Lucas!”

He finds me and tries to smile, tries to say something. But it’s clear. He’s panicking.

I walk over to him and grab him by the wrist, yanking him away from the redhead. “Hey! We were talking !”

“Yeah. Were ,” I spit over my shoulder. I feel bad for being mean. It’s really not her fault. But everyone is the enemy when it comes to Lucas.

I feel his pulse in his wrist. It’s fast. And over my shoulder, his breath is coming fast and tight.

I squeeze his hand and head out the back of the club to the bold red exit sign.

As soon as the door pops open, we’re blasted with cool evening air.

Lucas trips out of the club and bends over, putting his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

“Hey, breathe, breathe. You’re okay,” I say and put my hand on his back.

Lucas shudders away from my touch reflexively. I pull my hands back and seal my mouth shut. “Sorry,” he says breathlessly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I say back, nearly inaudibly. The last thing I want is to hurt him.

I watch Lucas as his breath slows. He grunts and pushes his hand up against his chest. The poor thing…

I’ve only had one panic attack in my life and it was brutal.

From what he’s told me, it sounds like this is a regular occurrence for him.

I’d suggest he go to therapy, but people get so touchy about that.

Lucas stands to his full height. He looks around; we’re in a back alley next to some dumpsters. “Fuck,” he mutters and leans up against the brick wall of the club. “Fuck me. ”

“You all right?” I ask.

He throws a look at me, green eyes filled with fear. “I mean…”

“Sorry, stupid question.”

“No, I just…” Lucas stops and takes another breath. “I don’t know.”

I look down the alley. “Let’s take a walk around the block, Huh?”

Lucas nods heavily. “Yeah, yes.”

We start walking in silence. I check my phone; several texts from Crystal asking where I am and one from Jay who is asking what happened. I respond to both: “Taking Lucas back to the buses. That place sucked.”

It’s only half a lie.

We take the side streets, no main drag for us. Avoid any fans, any hubbub. Eventually, Lucas murmurs, “I’m sorry.”

I smile to myself. “What for?”

His lips twitch. “I ruined your fun.”

I let out a loud laugh. “Fun? I wasn’t having fun.”

Lucas looks at me with his eyebrows raised.

“I was just making sure you were having fun! I was working, Lucas. Not having fun,” I say. To avoid making him apologize, I add, “This is much more fun for me.”

He frowns, “Keeping me from panicking?”

“No, no… just walking around,” I say and then smile at him, “with you.”

Is that crossing a line? I do enjoy spending time with him. It’s not wrong to say that, is it?

“You know, I think that’s more fun for me too,” Lucas says quietly.

We make it down to the Nashville Riverfront where there’s a beautiful park and steps lead down toward the water. “You wanna sit?” I ask.

Lucas nods and we find a perch on the stairs. There are people walking around, enjoying the scenery. Many of them are drunk and laughing. It’s a nice sight. The kind of thing I would have preferred to do tonight rather than being holed up in an ugly loud club.

I can’t ignore the energy between us. It feels like a pull, right in the pit of my chest, against my sternum. I just hope I’m not the only one feeling it.

“God, I feel pathetic,” Lucas mumbles, staring out at the water before us.

“Don’t,” I say kindly.

“Trust me, if I could turn the feeling off, I would.”

There’s a darkness in his eyes. A distance. It makes me sad. “I know.”

“I can’t even just let a woman talk to me without freaking out.”

“She wasn’t just talking to you. She was touching you,” I say, clasping my hands between my knees. “There’s a difference.”

His lips twist. “Right. It’s like being famous makes people feel like they have a right to you. To whatever they want from you. They want to access you. And it didn’t bother me until…” Lucas trails off, his breath hitching. He shakes his head. “Thank you for getting me out of there.”

“Don’t mention it,” I say. I think about reaching out and touching his arm, but after what he’s just said, it’s best I don’t.

“Seriously, Mika. I don’t know what I would have done without you in there,” Lucas says. His eyes are glazed over.

I don’t know what he would have done either. “You would have figured it out. I promise.”

Lucas looks at me and, fuck, he looks so sad. It makes me want to hold him.

“Promise,” I add with a smile.

He smiles back and his face softens. He’s safe now. And he’s recognizing it. “I’m probably the only musician ever who can’t stomach the idea of sleeping with a woman on tour.”

I raise my eyebrows. “You’ve never –”

“Oh, I have. I definitely have. Especially in my early twenties. I don’t even want to think of the number…” he says. He suddenly gets bashful and looks at the ground. “I mean…”

“You were a whore?” I ask wryly.

Lucas laughs. Thank God. “Yeah, absolutely… but now… random sex and one night stands just don’t appeal to me.”

“Getting soft,” I say with a playful punch to his arm.

“Getting old ,” he corrects. “I’d much rather be going home to someone I miss than hooking up with strangers in different cities.”

This pulls at my heartstrings. I know what he means.

I’m only a few years younger than him, but that pressure for women starts a lot earlier.

Something to do with the fact our window to have children is shorter.

And though I still have a lot of free-spiritedness in me, the idea of finding a partner sits heavy on my mind.

“So, here I am. No girlfriend, no interest in partying on tour. The only woman I feel comfortable being alone with is you and…”

That breaks my heart a little. It feels like he’s compartmentalized me into an untouchable category. Friend zone… “That’ll change,” I say, trying my best to be comforting.

Lucas nods but doesn’t reply. He looks out again at the river and then back to me. “Thing is, Mika, I’m not sure I want it to.”

I frown.

“What I mean is…” But he doesn’t continue.

I can tell by the look in his eye there’s something he’s yearning to say. Something that he can’t say because we can’t. “Lucas…”

“Listen, Mika. When we were out there tonight, singing together… did you feel it? Like electricity.”

“It was the music,” I try to excuse the feeling, but I know I felt it too.

“No, no way.”

I lean away from him and try to catch my breath.

“It’s gotta mean something that I don’t want any other woman to touch me, but the thought of you… touching me…” He licks his lips. Desperation in the corners of his eyes. “I want that so bad.”

I have to stop myself from smiling. If I smile, then he’ll know that it’s all I want too. Then we won’t be able to stop ourselves. “I’d lose my job, Lucas.”

“I know, I know…” he murmurs and runs his hands over his face. “I just had to tell you.”

I need to know what it feels like to touch him.

What it feels like knowing that I’m the only person he wants to touch him.

I scan the scenery; the riverfront has mostly cleared out.

I don’t think anyone cares about a couple of people sitting here in the dark anyway.

I reach out and put my hand on his knee.

Lucas’s eyes dart to my hand and then to my face.

He’s confused but smiling the tiniest bit.

“Just…” I begin. I don’t feel in control of my body.

I touch his cheek and turn his head toward me, the spikes of his five o’clock shadow prickling my fingers. “Just once, okay?”

Lucas’s eyes widen. He nods. “I promise.”