Page 21 of Stubborn Puckboy (Puckboys #9)

TWENTY

Colby

Me: I should keep my distance from Novi and only see him in a professional manner.

Also me: Want me to bring food to your house all because you messaged me the equivalent of a booty call text?

What am I doing, Novi? That’s what you wanted to know? I’m driving myself crazy thinking about you. Wanting you. Trying to convince myself that I can’t have you.

Yet, here I am, unable to stay away. It’s as if I don’t even want my job anymore.

“You are quiet,” Novi says as we eat our burritos.

“Can’t talk. Eating.” I shove a big bite in my mouth to prove my point.

“Good, then. Because I have a lot to say.”

I want to tell him that he doesn’t have to do this.

He doesn’t need to explain why inviting myself over to his house is only asking for trouble.

I know but did it anyway. But because I had to go and shove so much food in my mouth at once, I haven’t completely chewed and swallowed it all, and Novi beats me to talking.

“I … I want something with you.”

A chunk of meat gets stuck in my throat, and I cough. I bang on my chest until I’m able to swallow it down.

I wasn’t expecting him to say that, and I don’t think he was expecting my reaction to it.

He frowns. It’s not his usual grumpy face he pulls when he’s trying to look mad.

It’s a questioning look—one asking if he fucked up by putting that out there.

I don’t want him to be insecure about doing that, but what the hell are we able to do?

“Can I clarify here because, you know, language barrier. Y-you want something with me? Or you want to do something with me. Like go somewhere. Do something.”

“My English is not that bad anymore. I want … to … date you.”

I try to hold in my frustration because he’s putting himself out there, and it probably took a lot of guts to say that to me. “And what does that look like to you?”

“Okay, my English is bad. I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“If this was happening two years from now, I would jump at the chance to date you, but … we can’t.”

“Is it because I’m not out?”

He had to have been doing a lot of thinking about this to come right out and say it, and I hate being the one to dull his excitement.

It’s not possible though. As much as we want to be together, there are too many reasons why it wouldn’t work.

“No, of course not. That’s not an issue with me, and if we were to do this, I would understand that while you’re still playing hockey, it would have to be a secret.

I would be going back into the closet. And I would be okay to do that for you.

But … it would mean putting my career on the line for it.

If anyone found out a coach was dating a player … the power imbalance, it would?—”

“What if I only ever top you? No power imbalance.”

As much as that makes my dick hard and my ass plead for it, I can’t help laughing. “Sure, let’s go to team management with that when they try to fire me.”

“Team management? We can’t tell team management.”

“That’s my point. We wouldn’t be able to tell anyone.

The Collective would be safe, but anyone outside of that can’t know, or it puts both of us at risk.

I’m risking my career, and you’re risking having the one secret you’ve kept for so long being revealed before you’re ready.

Sure, we could be careful. We could sneak around.

But if I’m seen coming or going from here or someone on the team catches me going into your hotel room on the road, it’s all over.

It only takes one person to see something or to suspect, and everything we’ve both worked so hard for could go down the toilet. ”

“So you are saying you don’t want me.” Novi presses his lips together.

“You have no idea how much I want you, but I’m not willing to risk it all on a maybe.

I know having sex with you again will only make me want more, and then I’ll become addicted, and then eventually, something will have to give.

The more I want you and the more chances I take to see you, the higher the risk.

I’m not sure if I’m willing to put my entire future on the line.

” He’s being honest, so I have to be. I’m so torn it hurts. “Are you?”

Novi hangs his head. “Ezra was right. Maybe I should have answered door naked so you could not resist.”

He says that like I’m able to resist him as he is.

“Ezra gave you advice about me?”

“He is very wise. He got someone as hot as Anton to love him, even with his annoying personality.”

“Unlike your sunshiny disposition that everyone loves so much.”

“Exactly. Ezra is lucky I was not out when Anton was free.”

“Still as delusional as always.”

“I’m not delusional about you,” he says, and his confidence about that is both warranted and a little sad. For me. Because I’m trying to be good here, and all he’s doing is tormenting me into doing something stupid.

“You’re not, and it’s true I want to date you too. I want to see if this thing that I felt for you a million years ago could actually be something. But I need you to be levelheaded about this.”

“I am always levelheaded.”

“Uh-huh. Here’s where I don’t mention the other night on the ice when you were tripped, and instead of taking the power play, you instigated a fight and got two minutes yourself?”

“He pissed me off. I was going to score.”

Despite the serious conversation, at least he’s still able to make me smile. Even if he’s being infuriatingly short-sighted.

“Being in a secret relationship won’t be easy, and we both have to be okay with the consequences if it gets out.

If you can agree to that, then I will let you take me on a date.

Of course, it will have to be either here or at my place, and we’d need to make sure no one could see us hanging out at the arena. Or on the road.”

“We could say we’re friends.”

“Last time you admitted to being friends with someone in queer circles, you threw your phone in a lake.”

“I was teaching it how to swim.”

“I want you to really think about us and decide if I’m a risk worth taking.”

I’ve pretty much already made up my mind. If I do screw up my first year as an NHL coach by dating a player, maybe I’ll be able to go back to college hockey. There are other paths I could take if I had to. I don’t want to, but my life won’t be over if my screwup gets out.

If Novi’s secret is revealed before he’s ready or before his sister decides to either denounce him or leave Russia, I can’t say the same for him. He would never forgive himself if he brought harm upon his family.

“Okay,” he says and stands from the table. “I will think about it.” He balls his wrapper up and throws it in the trash can all the way in the kitchen.

I hate that he doesn’t miss, but I also hate how hot I find that.

I take my last bite and don’t bother trying to do the same with my wrapper. I carry it over to the trash like a grown-up.

But when I turn back with the intention to get my stuff and leave, Novi’s right there in front of me. Almost chest to chest.

“I have thought about it.”

“That wasn’t long enough.”

“Yes it was, because the answer is simple. I want you. I want you now. And if I have to face the reality I’ve been hiding from for the last seventeen years to have you, then I will. Because I didn’t let this happen once before, and I’m not going to make that same mistake again.”

How the hell am I supposed to stay strong when he says stuff like that? The answer is I don’t.

“Fuck, Novi.” I move first, but with his hockey reflexes, he’s ready for me when I slam against him.

We’re not gentle as our mouths come together, and it takes all my willpower not to rip his clothes off. Literally. I do not care if I destroy his brand-name sweats or if I do bodily damage while I do so.

My body isn’t as conflicted as my head. Not when it comes to Novi.

I used to think about what this would be like. Kissing Novi, having his hard body against mine. I’ve fantasized about it more than I should admit. But none of those fantasies could live up to the real thing.

He gropes at my clothes, and I do the same as he leads me toward his bedroom blindly. We only pull apart to lose our shirts and then come back together until it’s time to ditch the pants.

We make our way through his house, banging into walls, tripping over our pants legs, but it doesn’t faze either of us.

We can’t get enough.

Novi’s mouth is even more confident than the last time we did this, his tongue brushing against mine so passionately I might never want to stop kissing him.

His chest, so wide for a forward, is hard under my hands, but not as hard as his cock trying to escape his boxer briefs.

He moans into my mouth, and it’s like I can’t breathe. Every rational and logical part of my brain is screaming at me to slow down, but if I do that, then there’s a good chance I’ll come to my senses and tell Novi he needs more time before making this decision.

Full and logical thought process? Who needs that when you can have hot and heavy man-on-man action that results in orgasms?

Smart decisions going on all around here.

Novi pulls my hips against his, pressing our hard cocks together behind our underwear. He grinds against me as his fingertips dip into my waistband, and he grasps my ass cheek, squeezing hard.

He breaks his lips from mine but continues to rut against me. “I want to fuck you.”

I huff a laugh. “If I had known that, I wouldn’t have brought over burritos for lunch.” I step away from him but take his hand and pull him over the threshold to his bedroom.

It’s large but very gray, like the rest of his place, and his super king bed looks tiny in it.

Seeing how big it is, though, and knowing how lonely Novi must have been for all these years, never sharing this with anyone else except in some seedy hookup situation where they never even saw each other …

suddenly, my rush to get it over with before I can change my mind changes to wanting to give him everything he deserves when it comes to sex.