Page 39 of Strings

I pour some water on her soil. “How’s that?”

Bending down to sit in front of her, I make her a promise. “Starting tomorrow, I’m going to be Talia all day long. I’ll be kind and sweet and smart. I’ll do better.”

Her leaves are facing me and I feel like we’re good now. I need to get my shit together and fast. Tomorrow, I’ll create a Facebook account and move on from there.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. I’m twenty-five. Most twenty-five-year-olds have an Instagram account at minimum. I should have years of embarrassing selfies, but I don’t. I’ve spent my life successfully avoiding having my picture taken. I’ve avoided social media the same way I’ve tried to avoid my family and the police. None of it is healthy. None if it is good. But I did what I had to do. I just wish I’d been smarter before I came here.

Grabbing a pillow from the couch, I curl up in a ball on the floor and set my alarm on my phone. I don’t care that I have no blanket or that I’m lying half naked in my underwear. I deserve a reminder of how I used to sleep before I decided to change my life—on the floor wherever I could find a place. I’m too tired to move, anyway. I’m fucking this up and I need to pull it together. “Goodnight, Stella.” I take a sip of what’s left of her water out of my mug and close my eyes.

“G’morning. Here.” Cherese hands me a muffin as I climb into her car on the street in front of our building.

“They’re bran and taste like cardboard, so don’t get your hopes up. But I figured if I have to suffer, then so do you. Plus, no one wants you passing out again.”

“Thank you. That was really thoughtful of you. I’m sure they’re not that bad.” I peel back a small section of the paper cup and take a bite. “They’re…” I try to chew and talk, but it’s difficult.

“They’re shit. Go ahead and say it. I know.”

I chew harder and hold my breath to avoid tasting any more than I already have. “No. I’m just not much of a breakfast person. That’s all.”

She laughs. “Stop trying to be nice. I’d tell you to toss it out the window, but I don’t even think the rats would touch it. It would probably still be there in a month. Like a landmark. I think whole grain is half concrete.”

“No. It’s good. I’m going to save it for later. I’m not hungry yet. Thank you.” I wrap it up in a napkin and place it in my bag.

“If it wasn’t for dinner last night, I think I’d starve. I have no interest in cooking, let alone eating that much healthy stuff. How do you stay so skinny?”

“Skinny doesn’t always mean healthy. I really don’t eat like I should. Last night’s dinner was more than I usually eat in a few days.”

“Speaking of dinner, what did you think? Did you have a good time?”

Did I have a good time?Ugh. I’m reminded of Sebastian and the scene I made last night. I was surprised when he texted me this morning to see how I was getting to work. I told him I was riding with a friend, and that was the last I heard from him. It’s fine. We really don’t have anything to say to each other. The whole thing still makes me irritated, but the new me is supposed to be upbeat and cheerful, so I answer Cherese with enthusiasm. “It was amazing. I feel very fortunate to have been included.”

She turns her head briefly to regard me. “Okay, now tell me how you really feel.”

“I think the more important conversation is the one we started in the bathroom. You were going to tell me why you and Sebastian ended things, remember?”

“You don’t want to hear me talk about your boyfriend, do you? Isn’t that awkward for you?”

“Not at all. Go ahead.”

“Alright…well, I warned you. I told you we dated for about six months and everything was going really well.”

“Yeah, that’s where you left me hanging.”

“Until… I met his parents.”

“Hmm. Now I really need to know more. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard something about his parents.”

“What do you think of them?” she asks, alternating gazing at me and refocusing on the road. “I don’t want to bad mouth your boyfriend’s family. I’m sure they’ve been kind to you.”

“I haven’t met them yet, and with what I heard Bella say yesterday along with the way this conversation seems to headed, I don’t think I want to.”

“Bella Amarishio? You’ve met her?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Shit. Are you two friends?”

Cherese scoffs as traffic slows. “Do I look like I’d be friends with her?”

“I’m not sure what that means.”