Page 37 of Strange Seduction (Strange #2)

…Or Is The Weakness In Me?

Still Day Ten.

I should be on a plane.

Not on top of Theodore Clayton.

But here I was, straddling him in a hotel bed I swore I’d walk away from an hour ago. His hands were on my hips, driving himself into me like he was afraid I’d disappear if he let go.

Maybe I should.

But right now, the only thing I could feel was his heartbeat crashing into mine, and his dick inside me working away all the tension in my body.

And I hated that I missed it.

His mouth was on my neck, murmuring apologies he’s already said, apologies I’m not ready to believe, but somehow still need. His voice was gravel-soft.

I tilted my head back and let him kiss the hollow of my throat. I shouldn’t. Every nerve in my body knows I shouldn’t. But the way he touched me made my chest ache.

“I should hate you,” I whispered.

“I know.” His lips ghosted over my collarbone. “You probably do.”

I leaned down and kissed him. Hard.

Not because I forgive him, but because I was desperately trying to remember how we used to be. His tongue parted my lips, and I gave in—just for now. Just for this moment, I didn’t have to decide anything except how much of myself I’m willing to give him before I leave.

My hands slid up his chest. He groaned softly, rolling us over so I was beneath him so that he could begin drilling me, and just like that, I was drowning again.

Every kiss he placed on my body felt like a memory.

“But I fucking love you,” he said against my cheek, driving so fucking deep in me I felt cramps in my stomach. “I don’t know how to live without you.”

“You should’ve…thought…about that before you…lied to me.” I fought to get the words out as he pounded into me.

He lifted his head, eyes locking with mine. “I didn’t lie. I just…didn’t tell you.”

“Same difference,” I breathed.

He sighed. “Then. I’m sorry for both.”

We didn’t speak for a while after that. The only sound in the room was groans and moans until we both released.

Doubt: Leave.

When it’s over, we lie tangled in silence. His arm was draped over my waist. My fingers traced the fading scar on his bicep. We didn’t say anything.

Doubt: Get up, Carmen.

The minute his breathing evened out and I felt him slip into sleep, I eased out from under his arm.

I got dressed in the clothes I laid out before I ever saw him this morning.

T-shirt. Sweats. Socks.

The towel from earlier was still on the floor, along with his pants. His shirt was thrown over the arm of the chair.

Doubt: Just get your shit and go.

I picked up my carry-on and glanced back at him. He was asleep on his back, one arm across the empty side of the bed, and I just stared at him.

He looked peaceful.

When I looked at him, I replayed everything on loop.

I should walk out. I want to walk out. I even got as far as the door this time.

But my feet wouldn’t move. My fingers curled tighter around the door handle, knuckles turning pale as if they knew the lie I was about to tell myself.

Because the truth was—I didn’t want to leave.

I wanted to be angry. I was so angry.

But beneath all that fury was this hollow, aching fear that if I left now, I’d never be able to come back.

He stirred slightly, fingers twitching against the sheets like he was reaching for me in his sleep. Even unconscious, he felt my absence.

And it undid me.

I leaned my head against the doorframe, chest tight.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

My throat burned, like my body was trying to choke down all the ways I still loved him, and it felt like forcing down vomit.

Was I weak for staying?

Doubt: Oh, absolutely.

I closed my eyes, sucked in a shaky breath, and let go of the handle. I walked back to the bed, my mind screaming to protect myself and honor my boundaries. My heart…? My heart was already crawling back beneath the sheets.

He shifted again as I climbed in beside him. His eyes fluttered, not quite open, but enough to register I was there. His arm moved on instinct, sliding around me like he hadn’t realized I’d been gone.

“Sweetness?” he mumbled, voice heavy with sleep.

I didn’t answer. Instead, I lay still. Eyes open. Chest rising in time with his.

His breathing slowed again, deep and steady. And I just listened.

Fuck it.

“You’ve created a weakness in me, Theodore,” I whispered.

His brow twitched faintly, but he didn’t open his eyes, so I kept going.

“After everything you’ve done, I should be on that plane back to New York. I’ve left men for less. But instead, I’m in bed with you.”

His eyes blinked open slowly, locking on mine. His voice was still rough from sleep, but there was no mistaking the sincerity.

“And I really appreciate you staying,” he said. “Despite everything. For giving us a chance to work on this.”

I scoffed quietly. “I’m pathetic.”

“No, you’re not.” He sat up slightly. “You want this to work as much as I do.”

I sat up, pulling the sheet around me. “Do you, though? I don’t think you understand how all of this affects me. I’m embarrassed, Theo. I’m exhausted. I’m hurt. Still hurting.”

He followed my movement with tired eyes. “I understand, Amore mio . And it’s tearing me apart to know I did this. That I ruined what we had. But baby, please—believe me when I say nothing happened. I never touched her. I swear it.”

“You had her in your bed,” I said sharply.

“I know. And I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t tell me.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

I could hear the desperation in his voice, but it didn’t soothe anything.

“Our trust is broken,” I said quietly.

“I know.” He exhaled hard, rubbing a hand through his hair. “But, Carmen… we’ve been dealing with trust issues long before this. This wasn’t the root. It was just the pebble that finally set off the volcano.”

I turned toward him slowly. “So why are we even doing this? I don’t trust you. And you don’t trust me. Why the hell are we holding onto this?”

He paused for a second, then shrugged with a half-smile, like the answer was obvious.

“Because I don’t want to lose you.”

He said it so simply, like it was the natural truth of the world. My chest tightened.

“The way I feel about you, Carmen… it makes the work I’ll have to do to earn back your trust feel like child’s play,” he said. “Actually—fuck just earning your trust, I’m going to earn you. Earn this relationship. Prove to both of us that what we have is real and nothing is worth us ending it.”

I stared at him, mouth slightly parted. I hated how easily his words cracked through my defenses. I hated how much I still wanted to believe him.

“R—right,” I muttered. “Well… I guess I can stick around until then.”

His smile curled at the corners, lazy and smug in that charming, irritating way of his.

“Smart-ass.”

Silence settled over us. I stared at the ceiling, nerves crawling under my skin. I wanted to stay in this moment, to let it be simple. But it wasn’t.

So I asked the question that had been gnawing at me since he woke up.

“Did you cum in me?”

Theo didn’t flinch.

“Yeah,” he said simply. “I did.”

I turned to face him, irritation bubbling behind my ribs. “Theo, you know I don’t like taking Plan Bs. Or birth control. Can you please stop doing that?”

He shrugged, unapologetic. “Then don’t take the pills.”

I let out a dry laugh, completely unimpressed. “And what, just have a baby? I don’t think so.”

But he looked at me then, and I knew he wasn’t joking.

“There are worse things,” he said.

My eyes went wide. “God. Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who think having a baby will magically fix our relationship.”

“No.” His tone stayed level. “I’m not. I’m just saying… I wouldn’t mind us having a child. Eventually. Once we figure our shit out.”

Not this again.

“Right. Because that’s what we need. A baby. When we can barely make it through a week without fighting.” I pulled the covers up to my chest, shaking my head. “Besides, you’re here, and I’m in New York. And I’m not about to raise a child on my own.”

“I’d never let you do that,” he said, his tone suddenly hard. “Let you raise my kid alone? That’s not the kind of man I am.”

“Then what is your solution, Theo?”

He leaned up on one elbow. “Simple. You move here.”

I gave him a look. “Simple, huh?”

“Yes.”

“What about my career?” I asked. “What about everything I’ve built back in New York?”

“You’ll be okay,” he said. “I’ll take care of you.”

That set something off in me. I sat up, heat rising to my face. “That’s not the point. I didn’t come this far in my life just to give it all up.”

His brow furrowed, mouth set in a line. “I’ve sacrificed things too, Carmen.”

“I know. And I respect that. But this?” I shook my head. “Moving here, having a baby. It’s too much to ask right now. And it’s unfair of you to ask me to give up so much when I’m still trying to trust you again.”

His face softened. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. I could see it—the guilt.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” he finally said.

“A baby isn’t how to make me stay,” I sighed and massaged my temples.

“Neither is offering to take care of me. That’s not what I need from you.

I’m not looking for someone to take care of me, Theo.

I’ve been doing just fine on my own. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean I should give up my freedom or my body, especially when I’m not ready to.

Moving here and having a baby? That’s a lot .

Too much for me right now. And if you love me—really love me—you should understand why. ”

He stayed quiet, but I could see the wheels turning.

“I’ve worked too hard for what I have to just throw it away. And you shouldn’t want that for me either,” I added. “If we’re going to make this work, I need you to respect my decision on this.”

Theo let out a long breath, then nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll start wearing condoms again.”

“Thank you.”

“Anything else you need?”

I looked at him for a long moment.

“Yeah,” I said finally. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, I do—but it’s starting to feel like you think I can’t function without your help. And that bothers me.”

He just watched me, arms crossed.

“Okay,” he said finally. “So… you want to pay for the room?”

I snorted. “God, no. That price is outrageous.”

He cracked a smile. “Right. Your rent, then?”

“In New York? Absolutely not.”

“Your phone bill?”

I froze. “Wait—are you paying for that too?”

He nodded. “Yeah. We talk every day, Carmen. International calls ain’t cheap.”

I let out a breath and rubbed my temples. “This is worse than I thought.”

He pulled me into his arms. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel like a charity case.”

“I know you weren’t.” I looked up at him. “But I still have to draw a line. I want this relationship to feel like a partnership.”

“Okay,” he said. “So what can you take over, Amore mio ?”

I thought for a moment. “I’ll cover my water bill.”

He smiled. “Deal. Should I cancel the credit card I got you?”

“You got me a credit card?”

“Yeah.”

I stared at him. “Jesus, Theo.”

“I just wanted you to have something in case you ever needed it.”

I hesitated. “I mean…if you already got it…”

He laughed, and just like that, all my earlier resolve—the righteous speech about independence and not being taken care of—completely melted.

“Maybe I’ll still take care of you,” he murmured, kissing my forehead. “Just a little.”

I rolled my eyes, fighting back a smile. “Shut up, Theodore.”