Page 9 of Stirring Up Trouble (Saddle Up #1)

Seven

Robin

I wish I knew what it was about Blaze Anders that had me all tied up. If I were the type to believe in magic, then I’d think someone had cast a spell on me or something. Maybe some kind of love potion or something having to do with infatuation.

Because that’s what this all felt like.

Infatuation.

All I wanted was to spend more time around the big, grumpy man who rarely allowed himself a moment to smile. I’d been watching him closely to see if I could catch him breaking that veneer for anyone else. Maybe he just hated me.

But that wasn’t the case.

His permanent scowl was for everyone he worked with for the rodeo. When he wasn’t scowling, he’d get this distant look in his eye, almost like he wanted to be anywhere else but here. Or maybe he was just daydreaming? I knew I’d done my fair share of such since my arrival at the Anders Ranch.

Granted, most of my daydreaming revolved around the owner of the ranch rather than anything else. It wasn’t like I was dreaming of winning the lottery or anything. I just wanted…

Well, I wasn’t fucking sure what I wanted. Not really.

I just knew a lot of it centered on Blaze.

The more he avoided me, the more interested I became. He was a puzzle I needed to solve. A mystery I needed to delve into for answers. I couldn’t let it go.

More than that, I couldn’t shake the memory of the Daddy on Demand app either.

I could finally admit to myself how curious I’d been about the lifestyle thanks to how the men of the Coleman Ranch lived.

For some reason, I’d let myself believe I was more an observer than a participant all these years.

Now, I knew better.

It was envy I’d been feeling. A longing, if you will, to be there with them.

I just couldn’t ever see the setup in my own life since I’d always pursued women.

I didn’t want to be their Daddy, nor did I want them to be mine.

It created a disconnect for me. Made me believe I couldn’t have what I wanted.

Then came Blaze.

My reaction to him renewed the longing. It should have been a relief. I should have been excited at the possibilities my newfound bisexuality opened up.

Yet I wasn’t.

Happiness still eluded me over this since I had no clue if Blaze even liked me back. And even if he did, would he want to be my Daddy? Was that something he’d even consider?

Part of me figured the stoic man wouldn’t be involved in the kink community. He was too guarded. Too neutral with his emotions.

But there was a small part that saw his actions as focus. It saw his determination to make this rodeo better, to honor his family’s name, as an excellent example of being a good caregiver.

I’d been contemplating what to do about him all morning as I stalked through the rodeo to take care of my assigned tasks.

My mind went back and forth over whether or not I should approach him.

Would he be open to hearing me out? Or would he be disgusted and send me on my way?

Was I going to make things awkward between everyone if I spoke up?

The risk felt high. I still didn’t have a good read on Blaze. He was too closed off for me to know.

“You ok, Robin?”

Elton’s voice startled me enough I shrieked. The clipboard in my hand fell to the ground as I pressed my hands to my chest to steady myself.

“Holy crap, E! You scared me.”

The other man blushed as he bent down to grab what I’d dropped. He handed it over and shook his head. “I’d been trying to get your attention in other ways, but you didn’t respond. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I know,” I replied, my voice soft after hearing the regret in his tone. “I’ve been in my head all morning. Sorry about that. What did you need?”

“It’s not that I need anything really. You just seemed sad or something. I don’t know. Figured maybe you’d want to talk.”

My eyes widened at his words. I didn’t realize my inner turmoil had come across on the outside.

“Talking… might be nice.”

Elton smiled. “Yes, it might be. Why don’t I walk with you, and you just say what you’re feeling? I’m a really good listener and secret keeper.”

It was the way he said the words. Almost like he knew what I’d be talking about before I even got started.

Were my feelings that obvious? Or was this simply because of how hypervigilant Elton always was?

I gave him a nod, then turned to move to check the next item off my list. We needed to get to the pens with the sheep to make sure they’d be ready for some mutton bustin’ later this afternoon. We had a dozen kids signed up to participate, and I refused to let anyone get hurt on my watch.

After we started moving, it was like the words flowed out. “I’m torn up about some things I’ve been thinking lately. These new feelings don’t really fit into the life I have now. And I’m not sure what happens if I pursue the path where I express everything I’m going through. It could be horrible.”

“Or it could be great,” Elton argued. “How will you know if you don’t go after what you want?”

“But this is different, E. I’m in uncharted waters. Like really dangerous, choppy, uncharted waters. I don’t have a life vest or anything with me.”

His laugh was bright. “Maybe not, but I think there’s a rescue team nearby that you just can’t see. And there’s probably someone else in those waters with you who could help you get to safety. Did you consider that part?”

“Um, no.” My heart raced at the suggestion behind his words.

“Maybe you should consider it. I’d be surprised if you were alone in these feelings.”

I bit my lip as I considered the other questions I wanted to ask. Elton and I weren’t as close as I’d become with some of the other Coleman Ranch men. It might be awkward for him to share this part of himself with me.

Then again, he did just take my lead with the whole water analogy thing. That has to mean something, right?

Putting my questions on hold, I checked over the sheep to make sure all was in order. Elton helped me once I explained what all to look for. Since there was a low probability of anything going wrong anyway, it didn’t take us long to have it all done.

“Come this way,” I said before Elton could leave my side.

I led us to a mostly empty space between the stage and some of the animals. It was a walkway of sorts that didn’t have anyone in at the moment. It would be perfect for some privacy.

“There is something a bit more specific I wanted to talk to you about.”

Elton nodded. “I figured.”

“If this is awkward in any way, please tell me. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re not going to make me uncomfortable, Robin. Not unless you’re here to confess your undying love to me or Bobby Allen. Then we’d definitely have some problems.”

I shook my head quickly. “That’s not it at all. I don’t have feelings for either of you like that. You’re my friends. Nothing more.”

“Then we’re good. Tell me why you’re flustered. Or rather, who.”

“Blaze,” I breathed out. Relief coursed through me as I spoke. Like a weight lifted simply by saying Blaze had garnered all my attention since we’d arrived on the ranch.

“I figured that’s what this was all about. Not sure I’ll have much advice to offer, but I’m all ears if you want to process this out loud.”

“It’s not about processing it. I know… I know I like him. There’s more to it though.”

Elton tilted his head. “What else could there—oh. Oh. ”

At his widened eyes and quick bob of his head, I knew he’d picked up what I hadn’t said. If I weren’t here to talk about my feelings in general, then there was really only one other thing to discuss.

“He’d probably be a good Daddy. His attention to detail and his intense focus gives off that energy.”

“I think so too, E. I’m just not sure how to bring it up. This is all new to me.”

He hummed softly. “Yeah, it is. My Daddy said I shouldn’t talk to you about it, but we both noticed you kind of making eyes at Blaze. We didn’t even know you were bi. And I sure as heck didn’t know you wanted a Daddy. That is what you want, right?”

“I’m pretty sure it is.”

“Pretty sure?” his brows rose along with his voice at the question.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s all new, like I said. And it all feels right. I can’t really explain it. My body is drawn to him.”

“And your mind?”

“It’s following right behind. Even though I’ve been intimidated by it all, I haven’t once decided this is firmly not for me. Usually, I instantly know when I don’t like something. This is the first time I’ve gotten the same feeling but in a positive way.”

“So you wanted him right away? And the Daddy stuff was instant too?”

“Not really. It’s… E, it’s so strange how it all happened.”

I went about telling him how I’d dropped my phone in the truck and how the Daddy on Demand app popped up.

He listened intently, just as he’d promised, as I ran through the emotions of what seeing the app did to me.

I admitted to downloading out of curiosity; however, now I realized it was much more.

Then I dove into what happened that morning when I brought Blaze breakfast. It was embarrassing, but I figured it was a part of the story I couldn’t leave out.

“You’ve been harboring a lot of feelings,” Elton noted aloud.

“It’s been a lot, yeah.”

“Maybe you should simply talk to Blaze about this. I’m sure he’d be honest with you. At least then you wouldn’t be alone in your thoughts. And if he wasn't, you can move on.”

My chest ached at the idea of moving on. Fuck. I was already too far gone.

Elton must have noticed my reaction because he pulled me into a quick hug.

“No matter what happens, you have me and Bobby Allen with you. This isn’t something you have to be alone with after.

We’ll gladly keep you company, even if it’s just to eat ice cream and curse the man’s name.

In fact, we’d be honored to be with you if that’s what you wanted. ”

It wasn’t often Elton’s past life came out. His royal lineage had long since been buried after years on the ranch. But occasionally, he’d say a phrase or something that was so clearly regal I couldn’t help but snicker at it.

This time was no different.

At my laughter, his face broke into a grin. “Don’t laugh at me. I’m trying to be nice.”

“You are, good sir. Thy hath brought great joy upon us.” I took a deep bow to accent my words.

This time, his laughter matched mine at the outrageous way I overcorrected. Together we shared a moment of peace. A hint of snatched time among the swirl of confusion I’d been buried under.

Maybe Elton was right. I could talk to Blaze about my feelings. It wasn’t a marriage proposal or anything. I merely wanted to know if this ache I felt had the potential to become more.

Was I brave enough to go find the man right this minute? No, absolutely not.

Would I be later? Eh, maybe.