Page 18 of Stilettos & Whiskey (Deputy Gemma Stone)
A day of pampering was just what I needed. Cow poop no longer coated my hair. My skin was flawless and fly-free. My fingers and toes were no longer crusted with icky goop, but were now painted a bright cherry red.
After three shots of the restaurant’s best whiskey, I was feeling no pain. I giggled. “So, when Lucas went down on one knee, I thought he was proposing.”
Gemma laughed hysterically. “Oh, my, God. I’d love to have seen his face.”
“How many men have you been with Julie?” Mom asked out of the blue.
I gaped at her. “What? Why?”
“The men in the Stone family are all rather well-endowed.”
Clearing my throat nervously, I said, “Two. I’m very particular.”
“Don’t tell me you did it with Mitch Kelsey in the janitor’s closet,” Gemma chortled.
I threw my hands up in disgust. “No, just the kissing lessons and you were there too.”
“Right,” Gemma nodded. “Was it that cute bull rider in Wickenburg or the Wyatt Earp lookalike?”
Mom tossed some money on the table. “C’mon girls, we’re going to that adult bookstore across the street. They have a nice selection of dildoes.”
“How do you know that and why do we need to look at dildoes?” Color me clueless.
A spark of devilry in her eyes, Mom replied, “So, you have an idea of what to expect in the bedroom.”
“Lucas’s itty-bitty swimming trunks leaves little to the imagination,” I pointed out.
Mom opened the restaurant door. “The spandex compresses things down there.”
“Seriously?”
Gemma grinned at me and shrugged.
We followed Mom into the adult bookstore.
The cashier, a big, hairy tattooed dude, stared at us. “Can I help you ladies?”
“Where are your dildoes?” Mom asked.
He pointed to a glass case at the back of the room. “If you find one you like, give me a holler.”
“Will do.” A selection of crotchless lingerie caught Mom’s attention.
Snickering like teenage girls, Gemma and I walked over to the display case. My jaw dropped. “That would never fit!”
“Neither would this one,” Gemma exclaimed.
Two men in ski masks burst through the front doors, holding their guns gangster style. “Get your hands up! This is a robbery!”
Mom transformed into a senile old lady and held out two crotchless lingerie. “Should I get the red one or the black one?”
They stared at her in disbelief.
“Grandma, those nice men aren’t interested in your naughty underwear, are you?” I said in my best Debbie Sunshine voice. While we kept their attention on us, Gemma was getting the drop on them.
That plan went sideways when the cashier pulled a double-barrel shotgun and opened fire. We all hit the floor.
“Maricopa County Sheriff’s deputy!” Gemma shouted, holding up her badge. “Drop your weapons.”
The cashier did.
The bad guys bolted, guns blazing.
Bullets whizzed around us.
“I’ve got the one on the right,” Mom said.
“Copy.” We fired at the same time, shooting the guns out of their hands.
“On your knees, hands behind your head,” Gemma commanded.
The bad guys dropped to the floor.
“We’re shot,” the skinny one wailed.
His buddy cried, “We need the paramedics.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I retrieved their guns.
A patrol car squealed to a stop out front, and Frank bailed out.
“Code four,” I shouted through the broken glass.
Frank holstered his gun. “Anybody bleeding?”
“Yeah, the suspects,” Gemma hollered.
Shaking his head, Frank pulled the radio off his belt.
“The perfect end to our girls’ night out,” I said.
Gemma nodded. “It is.”
“Your father won’t be happy, but if I buy a couple of crotchless lingerie, he won’t stay mad for long,” Mom said.
I grinned like a loon. God, I loved my family.
The End?