Page 18 of Stay Away from Him

Thomas:

Do you ever think about…us?

Amelia:

Us? What do you mean?

Thomas:

You know, you and me. Before Rose came along.

[pause]

Thomas:

Amelia?

Amelia:

I’m just a little surprised at the question. Your wife is missing. You’re a person of interest in the investigation. And you’re asking an ex-girlfriend if I still think about when we were together?

Thomas:

But this is a safe space, isn’t it? That’s why I came to you , not to someone else. I can’t admit this kind of stuff to a stranger. They’d just run to the police.

Amelia:

Admit…what? What is it you want to confess?

[pause]

Thomas:

I’m ashamed to say it. Even with you.

Amelia:

You’re wishing you’d ended up with me, is that it? You regret marrying Rose?

Thomas:

Is that terrible? You think I’m a bad person now.

My wife is missing, presumed dead, and here I am acting like I’m glad she’s gone.

It’s only a part of me, a small part of me, that thinks that way.

Ninety-nine percent of me—I’m desperate to get her back, Amelia.

Desperate to find her alive. You have to understand that.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.

Amelia:

It’s all right. I think I understand.

Emotions are…they’re complicated. Our genuine feelings aren’t always what others would recognize as socially appropriate.

You’re going through a trauma, and your marriage has been difficult at times—of course some small part of you would be speculating about if you’d made different choices in the past. It’s just…

Thomas:

What?

Amelia:

It’s nothing. We’re here for you, not for me.

Thomas:

But we’re not really therapist and patient, remember? Just two friends, talking during a difficult time. Come on, just tell me.

Amelia:

Well, I’m feeling a little annoyed, Thomas. A little angry, actually. If I’m honest.

Thomas:

Angry? Why?

Amelia:

Well, my recollection is that it was you who decided to move on, all those years ago. It’s not my fault we didn’t end up together.

Thomas:

So you do think about us.

Amelia:

[sighs] I suppose I do.

Thomas:

Okay. Well, first of all—that’s not exactly how I remember it. Yeah, I rebounded with Rose. But you broke up with me , remember? What was I supposed to do? Be alone forever?

Amelia:

It wasn’t a breakup , it was a break . We were both in med school, stressed out of our minds with the workload—I just needed some space, for a little while. We both did. I didn’t think you’d run out and get yourself another girlfriend so quickly. Much less marry her.

Thomas:

You’re hurt.

Amelia:

I was . At the time.

Thomas:

It sounds fresh, though. The way you’re talking about it. You’re still hurt.

Amelia:

Maybe. Maybe I am.

Thomas:

Well, did it ever occur to you that maybe you hurt me too? I didn’t hear it as a temporary thing—I thought you were done with me forever. You wanted to split up so you could focus on your work. Your ambitions for yourself.

Amelia:

What’s wrong with that? You were ambitious too.

Thomas:

Nothing’s wrong with it. And you’re right.

I was also ambitious. It’s just, I was second to all the things you wanted to accomplish in your life.

I knew that, and I didn’t see it changing.

So yeah, I went out and found someone else.

But it was a mistake, Amelia. That’s what I’m telling you.

It was a mistake, and now that Rose is gone, I can finally admit that.

Amelia:

Is that why you tried so hard to keep me close all these years? You knew you’d made a mistake with Rose, so you were keeping me nearby as…what? Your backup plan?

Thomas:

Come on. You know it was never like that.

Amelia:

Wasn’t it? How did I end up as your next-door neighbor, Thomas?

Thomas:

That was your choice. Nobody forced you.

Amelia:

No, but you suggested it. Told me about this perfect house that went for sale next to you, said it would be a great place for me to see patients.

Thomas:

Okay, and then you moved here. I told you about the house, but you were the one who chose to come.

Why? I’ve confessed to you that I’ve been thinking about us , the way we were together all those years ago, how perfect we were together.

Haven’t you been thinking the same way? You say I’ve kept you close—and that’s true.

But why have you stayed close? Is it because some part of you hoped we’d end up together too?

Is there a part of you that’s glad Rose is gone?

Amelia:

I’m incredibly concerned for Rose’s safety.

Thomas:

Come on. Just admit it.

Amelia:

I can’t. I won’t. Do you have any idea what people would say if they knew we were talking like this? The police, for one?

Thomas:

Oh, I know. They’d say I killed her.

Amelia:

No.

Thomas:

No? Then what would they say?

Amelia:

That I killed her.