Page 23 of Starfall

“Coward,” I whispered, hoping he heard me. Or I was losing my head already, and I spoke to no one at all. Either way, it made me feel better.

Elias took his time as I fumed. When he returned, it wasn’t with fresh meat, but with a handful of berries. “This is all we have,” he said, offering me a meager palmful. Again, he turned his head toward the woods. Somehow, his avoiding me was far worse than any cutting remarks.

I took his offering, but his behavior grated.

Elias took a seat on the opposite side of the hollow, munching on berries while I glared at him. I hoped he felt the heat of it.

“You don’t have the right to be mad at me,” I said, trying to soften my tone. ‘ Trying’ being the key term. “One second you were fine, the next you gazed at me like you wanted to throttle me.” Or something else…

He shoved some more berries into his mouth and wiped his palms on his stained trousers. Just when I didn’t think he’d answer, he surprised me.

“I shouldn’t have acted like that,” he admitted, jaw feathering. “I-I think the last few days have caught up with me, is all. ”

It was a half-truth.

“I’m sorry,” I said, thinking about the loss of his mother. He did have a reason to be out of sorts. Perhaps that explained his mercurial behavior. “But I’m here. I want to help.”

He scoffed. “You just want to save your sisters. None of this is for me, so let’s not pretend there’s any emotion behind it. No one helps anyone else unless they get something from it.”

The statement struck me in my chest like an arrow. I scooted to his side, ignoring his sneer. A nerve had been struck, and I found I wished to soothe whatever pain he felt. His grief and anger were too overwhelming for one person to handle alone.

Laying a hand on his shoulder, I said, “I may want to help save my sisters, but I do genuinely want to see you happy. Eternal knows, the world would be a better place without you scowling about.” He tried to hide the quirk of his lips, but I caught it before it vanished.

“Besides, you’re a good person. I can see that, even if you try to deny it. ”

“I could be awful for all you know,” he replied, even as he leaned back into my hold. At that point, I’d curved my body around his. I didn’t think he had noticed.

“Stop punishing yourself for things you couldn’t control.” The words slipped out before I could tame them. When he spoke of his mother or father, sadness shrouded his gaze, the kind that went deeper than simple heartache. It reminded me of guilt .

“I’ll punish myself until my last breath,” he whispered, the last bit of sunlight dipping into his eyes.

“Tell me, please.” I had promised myself this was a transaction, but I needed to know. Wanted to peek beneath his toughened exterior and find the man masquerading as stone. No one carried that much pain in their eyes. Not how he did.

Several seconds ticked by, but Elias hadn’t dislodged my gentle grip. Tilting his face to the heavens, he said, “I was nine when the robbers attacked. I didn’t do anything to save my father. I just sat there. Useless.”

My hand firmed around his torso, holding tight. “ You were nine .”

“And I could have done anything else but run like a coward,” he said, spitting out the last word. “Mother practically died that day, too. She was never the same afterward.”

What did you say to someone who blamed themselves for such a tragedy? I wasn’t well-versed in many things related to mortals and shame, but I knew enough about Elias to grasp that he’d carry this pain with him until someone forced him to see reason.

Gently, I grasped his chin, making him look at me.

“Were you almost two hundred pounds of muscle at age nine, hmm ? Did you know how to fight? To kill , if need be?” He tried to pull his chin, but I used my strength to keep him where I wanted.

“No. The answer to those questions is no. Your father died saving you and your mother, and to honor his sacrifice, you need to realize that fucked up day wasn’t your fault. ”

He jerked. “You swore.”

“Star maidens can swear,” I said. “It’s just…frowned upon.”

He let out a long exhale, but some of the tension I’d felt in his shoulders lessened. “I think your cursing screwed with my head more than your attempt to placate me.”

“You look more relaxed, so I’m taking that as a win.” I grabbed his hand boldly. “But don’t think you distracted me from the conversation,” I chided. “I’ll make you see yourself better by the time our days are up. Whether you like it or not.”

“Why do you make that sound like a threat?” he chuckled, giving my hand a little squeeze.

“Because I’m terrifying when I’m angry.” I tilted my chin, nose in the air. “You should ask my sister, Carina. I wouldn’t mess with me if I were you.”

Carina would never in a million years back me up on that claim. But she wasn’t here.

Elias rolled his eyes, acting just as much as a child as me. When he took back his hand, my heart sank, and I scooted a few feet away to give him space. I considered tonight a victory of sorts. Elias had opened up— slightly —and he’d listened without too much protest .

“Get some sleep, Ari,” he murmured, already settling into a comfortable position against the fallen wood. “I promise tomorrow we’ll get to Persh.”

I smiled. He still wouldn’t admit that he’d been wrong. “Sure we will, Elias.”