Page 10

CHAPTER TEN

SEBASTIAN

Claire insists on getting a car service to come pick her up from my place, and it physically pains me to watch her go.

The mere thought of being separated from our mate makes my wolf frantic, but deep down I know it was always too good to be true.

I never should have given in to the urge to claim Claire. It would have been hard to let her go before. Now it’s fucking excruciating. My heart feels as though it’s been ripped from my body, the wound left to fester.

I know Maddox will be by later to check on me, but I can’t bear to see him. I don’t want to explain to my pack brother how I ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t want to be the object of his pity.

There’s only one thing to do.

By ten o’clock, I’m slumped over the sticky bar top at Two-Mile Tavern. I couldn’t bring myself to face anyone I know at The Lucky Buck, so I drove an hour to my favorite dive bar in Bristlecone.

The tavern got its name for its elevation — nearly two miles above sea level. My shifter metabolism makes it difficult to get properly sloshed, but it’s easier at high altitude.

There’s only one other patron here this early — an old-timer with a gray beard who’s already hammered. A couple of thirtysomething humans blunder in for a hot toddy on their way to Breckenridge, but they leave in a hurry when they sense my mood.

The bartender brings me another round, and I hiss as the cheap bourbon hits the back of my throat. I’m about to ask if I can go across the street to the liquor store to buy something better when the door bangs open and I catch a whiff of wolf.

A tingle of apprehension shoots down my spine, cutting through my alcohol-induced haze. I shouldn’t be here in another pack’s territory, but I’d rather have to fight my way out of Bristlecone than face my own pack.

I can’t tell Maddox I was stupid enough to give Claire my mark, let alone Adrian. They know there isn’t a female in her right mind who could stand to be mated to me, and I don’t want to deal with my alpha’s wrath.

“If you’re gonna tell me to piss off, you’re gonna have to get in line, mate,” I slur when I hear footsteps behind me .

“Well, you just get to be more of an asshole every time I see you,” grumbles a familiar voice.

I lift an eyebrow as Axel plops down next to me, and the cold fist around my heart unclenches just a little.

Axel is a recluse and a grump, but he doesn’t bullshit, and I like that about him.

“Likewise,” I say over a burp before knocking back the rest of the horse piss that passes for bourbon in this place.

Axel cracks a grin and signals the bartender. He orders black coffee and a double platter of steak and eggs. He isn’t here to get drunk, and I resent him for it.

“I fucking hate this place,” I grump when the bartender shuffles off to put in Axel’s order.

“And yet you keep showing up,” the wolf replies without so much as looking at me.

“Well, it’s not for the other patrons, I can tell you.”

He follows my gaze to the old man at the end who smells like piss. Axel’s a man of few words, which is kind of annoying, but it’s better than someone who doesn’t know when to shut up.

I sense that he’s waiting for me to elaborate, so I say, “I found my fated mate.”

It isn’t something I’d normally confess, but Axel is barely more than a stranger, so it’s easy to talk to him.

He lifts his bushy brown eyebrows and lets out a low whistle. “You serious?”

I nod, fighting the acidic burn of self-loathing that is my constant companion .

“I fucked it up,” I rasp. “Found her by accident hunting the last of McGregor’s bears. I . . . looked into her, and she found out.” I shake my head and crack a smirk that feels all wrong. “Didn’t take long for her to realize what a fuckwit I am.”

“Yeah. That sounds bad.”

Axel nods at the bartender as he sets down a steaming cup of coffee in front of him and another bourbon for me.

“That’s all you have to say?” I snap, irrationally angry at Axel for being what he is — a quiet, growly mountain wolf.

His huge shoulders lift in a shrug. “What do you want me to say?”

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me how rare it is to find one’s true mate and that I should go after her and beg her forgiveness?”

“Why would I tell you that?” Axel asks. “You know better than anyone if you fucked this up.” He pauses and then adds, “Do you love her?”

“Of course I love her, you prat. Why do you think I’m here?”

Axel drags in a breath and lets it out slowly, looking as though he’d rather be anywhere but here having this conversation. “Well . . . then I guess you should go after her.”

“I can’t go after her, moron. She left .”

“Right,” Axel chuckles. “And I suppose you’re the first couple in the history of the world to have a little spat. ”

Irritation flares through me, and I open my mouth to rip him a new asshole. “I marked her,” I say instead.

Axel’s eyes go wide. “You what ?”

I nod, feeling drunk and a little desperate. What was I thinking, coming here? Talking to this Neanderthal isn’t helping.

“My wolf, he . . . needed to claim her. I wasn’t thinking. It was just . . .”

The greatest moment of my entire existence.

I swallow to get past the lump in my throat, but it’s no use. I’m starting to think that even an IV drip of the world’s shittiest bourbon wouldn’t be enough to dull the pain I’m feeling.

It isn’t heartbreak. It’s a complete death of the soul.

I’ve heard of wolves who ignore the urge to mate going feral. What I haven’t heard of is a wolf who’s been rejected by his bonded mate and lived to tell the tale.

I realize I don’t want to live without my angel. I may not be good enough for Claire, but she belongs to me.

“I need her,” I mumble, and that painful knot in my chest eases just a little. “I need her like I need fucking air to breathe. I don’t care if she thinks I’m a horrible bastard. I have to make her accept me.”

Now Axel really looks as though he’d rather be anywhere else but here. He lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Well, I don’t have a lot of experience in this area, but have you tried talking to her?”

I scoff. “’Course I talked to her. I’m not an idiot.”

“Did you tell her you love her?” Axel asks patiently. “ Did you tell her she’s your woman and that you can’t live without her?”

The realization hits me at his words, and a leaden weight settles in my gut.

I’ve never thought Axel had much going on in that thick head of his, but maybe he’s onto something.

I didn’t tell Claire any of those things. I’ve never been good at the romantic crap. All I did was confirm her worst fears — that I’m a monster like Murphy who was going to use all that stuff I learned against her.

I may be a bit of a creep, but I’m not like him. I didn’t dig into Claire’s past to hurt her. Hell, I didn’t even know her.

While I can’t change knowing things she didn’t want me to find out, knowing what I do doesn’t make me think any less of my mate. It only makes me want to hold her. Love her. I just have to get her to let me.

“Thanks for the talk, mate,” I say, pulling out my wallet and staring at the blurry bills inside. “I’ve gotta go.”

“I’ll drive you,” Axel grunts just as the bartender brings out his food. “You shouldn’t be behind the wheel.”

The wolf lets out a resigned sigh, annoyed that I’m keeping him from his breakfast. “Can you box this up for me, Lorne? I’m gonna need it to go.”