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Aiden

M y back slammed against the wood of my bedroom door as it closed behind me. The phone tightly clutched to my chest was like a time bomb ready to go off at any second. Realistically, I was being overdramatic. What I was thinking about doing wasn’t that strange, but what nineteen-year-old guy didn’t regularly think about sex?

I swore I was broken, and after talking to Chase for the last few months, he tried to assure me I wasn’t. That being demisexual or even ace was a real thing, and it didn’t make me less of a whole person.

Asexual didn’t fit. Nope. Not at all. Because I wanted sex. Good God, did I want it. I only seemed to want it with the one person I couldn’t have. That was the biggest problem.

Which brought me to my current situation with my phone.

I’d kissed Joseph Bishop. The feel of the metal of his lip ring pressed into my mouth made my body come alive in ways I’d never experienced before. And then my brother promptly tried to kill him. It hadn’t mattered that I’d started it because Joe had been a willing participant. Maybe taking advantage of a friend like that was screwed up—my brother’s friend. Hell, he was mine, too. We’d been getting a lot closer since the summer…

Right. My phone.

Was it only Joe or was I attracted to all guys in general? Chase, my brother’s boyfriend, said before I tried to pursue anything further that I should get my head on straight. Figure things out. That was kind of a dick move to go in blindly and use someone to experiment with my sexuality... although how the hell else was I supposed to figure it out?

Porn.

That’s how. Or at least that was the assignment.

My face heated as I pulled my phone away from my chest and stared at the blank screen. Maybe I was broken? I’d never even been tempted to go there. How did someone even look up porn without downloading a ton of viruses and such? That was a thing, wasn’t it? Those websites were loaded with malware.

Instead of continuing to obsess over it, I plopped onto my mattress and illuminated my screen. I couldn’t swallow and, holy fuck, why was I freaked out about pulling up naked pictures on the internet? It was totally normal. People did it all the time. There was a reason there were literally millions of them out there.

My hands shook as I pulled up the browser and figured the safest place to look was on one of those subscription sites you always hear people talking about. They had to be safe if others used them, right? Maybe I was being na?ve.

When the screen loaded, it had a white background with a key across the top and a search bar. Shit. What the hell did a person search for on a site like this? Did you just type in porn? Gay porn? Hope for the best?

Turned out that the page hadn’t finished loading. Soon “newest uploads” filled the feed and there were stills of men and women in all sorts of states of undress. The room became stuffy, and I pulled at my shirt, angling my phone down to look and make sure that I locked my door. Couldn’t have Mom walking in on this. She’d seen enough thanks to Nathan and Chase going at it.

My thumb scrolled through the page, trying to find anything that would catch my interest. There was a shot of two girls in barely there bikinis... nothing. It didn’t even make me blink. Then I came across another shot of two guys with this tiny brunette chick between them. Nope, still wasn’t doing it for me. Two skinny guys in little Speedos bending over and posing? Still another no.

I scrolled for what felt like forever. Nothing seemed to spark my interest. These were all nameless, faceless individuals that meant absolutely nothing to me. I’d never understood hook-up culture to begin with. How so many people could just sleep with someone and move on like it meant absolutely nothing.

But then there it was. The thing that made me freeze and my fingers hover. There was no fucking way.

Staring back at me, giving the most sultry of smirks, while pulling his shirt up, were bright blue eyes behind a fringe of black. I’d know that lip piercing anywhere. What the hell was Joe doing with pictures on this site?

It was stupid. It was failing the assignment. But I clicked on it. His page opened and there were picture after picture of him wearing little to nothing. Links to videos I would have to pay for if I wanted to see them and... oh... oh shit.

My eyes slammed closed as I fell back onto my mattress. Fuck. I couldn’t be getting hard for my brother’s friend. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.

That was when I did the stupidest thing I could have ever done. My finger slipped because, of course, I wasn’t looking. The video started and the sound of wet skin filled my ears.

Oh. No.

Against my better judgment, I held up my phone. There was Joe in a soaked t-shirt as his hands trailed his chest. Dark, damp bangs fell into his eyes. His lips were parted as one hand dipped into his pants before the video cut off, prompting me to pay to see the rest of it.

My entire body vibrated—a live wire of need and desire. Holy shit. Why was I considering finding the damn prepaid credit card I had stuffed in my wallet and paying for it? The prepaid credit card the man in question had convinced me I needed, because it was stupid to ask my parents to buy me everything at this age. Or for them to monitor all my purchases. That was asking for so much trouble. But I needed it. Needed to see it. Joseph Bishop was the one thing I couldn’t have, and maybe that was why I wanted it so damn badly.

I was off my bed and digging the card out before I could stop myself, half the number already typed in. My hands shook as my eyes slammed closed again. I was really doing this. I was about to pay for a video of my brother’s friend.

You only live once, right?

As soon as the transaction cleared, the video resumed. The front of Joe’s pants slid lower as his hand pushed it down. Dark, trimmed pubes came into view and I fell back against my pillows, my fingers reaching for my dick to relieve the pressure. Fuck, this was wrong.

A low groan fell from the speaker of my phone, and I quickly looked around my room, lowering the volume and praying no one could hear what I was watching. The damn video had been thirty dollars, so hopefully it was worth it. Hell, just seeing so much of Joe like this was already making it worth it. Even if it made me feel like a damn creeper. Don’t put this shit online if you don’t want someone to pay to see it.

He left his pants low on his hips, the base of his cock within view as he lifted his wet shirt up and over his head, disheveling his dark hair. His bright blue eyes flashed as he bit his bottom lip. That damn lip ring called to me and I ached to feel it press into me again. The video wasn’t helping.

Big hands roamed his chest as Joe’s eyes closed. A pink tongue swiped across his bottom lip as he toyed with his nipples. He had pierced them. Of course, he’d had them pierced. Joe would have fucking pierced nipples. How had I never noticed that before?

He tweaked the little barbells through his flesh and my hand on my dick squeezed harder. A whimper escaped me as my palm rubbed up and down. This shouldn’t be so damn hot. I should feel so damn dirty watching this, but wasn’t that the problem? Society had taught us that porn and sex work were filthy, but damn... Joseph Bishop was fucking beautiful.

When he finally pushed those pants down, my mouth ran dry. There. On my screen. Was a very naked, very aroused Joe. I couldn’t watch anymore. My phone landed on the mattress as I shoved my hand into my pants, fingers wrapping around the impossibly hard length of my cock. Dear fucking God, I’d never been this hard. I could cry with the relief of skin-on-skin contact. My fist worked quickly, jacking in uneven strokes as I chased my release. If my heart beat any harder, it was bound to explode.

“Oh, God,” I cried as cum rolled down my fingers and soaked the front of my underwear.

Another groan.

Shit.

The video. It was playing.

I picked it up just in time to see Joe reach his own orgasm, his sticky release shooting over his abs.

Oh no.

Oh fucking no.

What the hell was I going to do?