Page 23 of Splintered Memories (Ember Hollow Romance #2)

August

T he immediate exhaustion was consuming.

I lingered in it, lingered in her, as my brain oriented itself.

It was Emersyn who anchored me to the earth.

Her skin was warm against my face as her scent surrounded me.

I wanted to enjoy it longer, but the shame seeped in so fast and I didn’t have the energy to fight it.

Dragging myself away from her, I retreated back to my side of the couch. Her eyes were wide as she watched me. She didn’t ask what had happened. She didn’t berate me for my weakness. She was only silent.

I couldn’t tell whether she was scared or disgusted or confused. Her expression was unreadable.

“I’m sorry.” I looked away.

She didn’t answer, and my stomach knotted. It had been so long since I’d had an episode like that. Years .

Embarrassment clawed through me, its nails sharp and searing. I stood up before I thought better of it. The reek of failure burned through my blood, making my nose wrinkle. My body was shaky and unsteady, and I clenched my hands into fists at my sides .

“That hasn’t happened in a long time.” My back teeth clamped together, revolting against my next words, but they needed to be said. “I’ll understand if you don’t want me in charge of your security anymore. That was…unexpected.”

My throat tightened as a heavy silence settled over us. When she finally spoke, her voice was uncharacteristically soft.

“I wouldn’t want anyone else in charge of my safety, August.”

The relief made my knees buckle. I still couldn’t face her. The shame was building in my chest, sucking the life from my bones. It was good that she still trusted me, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had failed her.

“I’m tired.” I always failed the people most important to me. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

I walked away, and she didn’t stop me. She didn’t call for me to come back. I didn’t even grab my shirt before practically running up the stairs, afraid to face my own shame and embarrassment.

The room I was staying in was both a haven and prison as I closed the door behind me. I leaned against the door, sucking air into my lungs. My heart pounded, my skin sticky with sweat.

When I closed my eyes, those images haunted me. That memory I had been lost in tonight flashed against the back of my eyelids. It was all chaos and screaming and smoke and blood. It was the sound of death—death that I had been responsible for.

I swallowed against the bile surging up my throat and wrenched my eyes open. Crossing the room to the small adjoining bathroom, I started the shower. I didn’t want to think about that night, one of the worst nights of my life .

Staring at myself in the mirror, I grimaced. I looked like the wreck that I felt. My skin was pale, my eyes dark and glassy. What must Emersyn think of me now? The man staring back at me wasn’t a protector. He wasn’t a hero. He was broken.

My chest ached with the truth of those thoughts. What had I been thinking these last weeks letting myself get so close to Emersyn? Not only was I employed by her father, but I had no business with her. She wasn’t mine. She would never be mine.

She didn’t need this baggage I carried. She had enough weight on her shoulders without me adding to it.

I turned away from the mirror and that weak man, unable to stand it any longer.

I shucked off my bottoms and got into the shower, standing under the hot stream of water.

I imagined the water washing away the remnants of that night, along with the sweat and grime.

But I knew, no matter how long I stood there or how hard I scrubbed, the blood would never completely leave my hands.

The shower took a long time. I stayed there until my fingers were wrinkled and the water turned cool. Only when those images and memories felt far enough away that they couldn’t choke me did I turn off the water and get out.

My body and mind were exhausted, even though it wasn’t that late in the night. My legs felt numb, my brain a haze as I brushed my teeth and tugged on a pair of sweats.

I was about to fall into bed when I heard a soft thump outside my bedroom door. My sore muscles tensed as I strained my ears. It was barely audible, but a rustling noise brushed against the wall, as if someone were rubbing against it .

Frowning, I headed toward the bedroom door, my footstep silent on the carpet. I leaned my ear against the door, and there was something that sounded like a small sigh on the other end.

I opened it in the next breath, so quick that Emersyn jumped from where she was sitting on the floor beside it.

My brows narrowed as I stared at her, confused. Her knees were tucked up to her chest, her back against the outside wall of my room. A blanket was draped over her lap and a pillow lay next to her.

We stared at each other for a beat. The tops of her cheekbones turned pink as she blinked up at me.

I cocked my head. “What are you doing?”

Her lips pursed as her flush deepened. She fisted the small blanket over her and drew back her shoulders.

“None of your concern,” she said, tone nonchalant.

I quirked an eyebrow. “The fact that you’re sitting outside of my bedroom is not my concern?”

“It’s my bedroom, actually,” she said, and then shook her head. “And no, it’s got nothing to do with you.”

I frowned. “I beg to differ.”

Although she seemed more like herself rather than that quiet, reserved woman from earlier, this wasn’t exactly normal behavior, either.

“There are still plenty of hours in the night.” I folded my arms over my chest, leaning against the doorframe. “The Emersyn I know would be working down in the studio until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. She definitely wouldn’t be randomly chilling in the hallway.”

Emersyn looked down at her hands as she wrung a section of the blanket between her thumb and forefinger. “This isn’t just some random night,” she said, her voice low. “And I don’t feel like working. ”

“I didn’t know you were capable of not working.”

She looked up at me with those vibrant green eyes, but a hint of fear flickered there. “I’m capable of a lot of things, August. Even caring about you.”

Her words lingered in the air before settling on the skin and seeping down into my chest. My heart quickened.

She was worried about me.

The realization was both flattering and devastating. I shouldn’t let myself care so much about her or what she thought of me. I shouldn’t let myself get closer than I already have. But…I wasn’t strong enough. One look into those wide, scared eyes of hers had all my resolve disintegrating.

The last thing I’d wanted to do was scare her.

My shoulders slumped as I let out a sigh. “I’m okay, Emersyn.”

“I know,” she said quickly. “But I wanted to make sure you stayed that way.”

I studied her, then the blanket and pillow. A thought hit me, and despite myself, a grin tugged up one side of my mouth. “Were you going to sleep outside of my bedroom door?”

The color on her face deepened to a shade that almost matched her hair. “Maybe.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Go to your room, Emersyn.”

“No.”

“You’re not sleeping on the floor all night.”

She rolled her eyes. “You can’t tell me what to do. This is my house, and I will sleep wherever I want.” She settled back against the wall, as if to imply she were perfectly comfortable there .

I ran a hand through my hair. “I won’t be able to sleep if I know you’re on the damn floor.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Well, I’m not going to be able to sleep if I leave you all alone.”

We continued to stare at each other, and I knew that she would sooner die than back down. “Stubborn woman,” I muttered under my breath.

Her eyes flashed, but I didn’t give her time to respond before I pushed off the doorframe and gestured inside my room. “Come on in, then.”

Emersyn blinked, frowning. “Excuse me?”

I stepped back into the bedroom and opened the door wide for her. “The only way we’re both going to get some sleep tonight is if you sleep in here.”

“What difference does it make whether I sleep out here on the floor or in your room on the floor?”

A devilish grin spread across my face. “Because you won’t be sleeping on the floor, Emy. I’m going to make you sleep in my bed.”