Page 86 of Spinning Silver

I put down the nut and began to open a little hole in the dirt, but before I could finish, abruptly the squirrel came in two bounds towards me and snatched it.

“No!” I said. I didn’t really know whether I was doing the right thing to plant the nut, but I was sure it wasn’t meant to feed to a squirrel.

I tried to catch the squirrel by the tail as it jumped away again, foolish, and of course I missed.

But the squirrel only ran away to the half-buried garden gate, and stopped there and began to dig in the snowdrift.

I got up and tried to get close without startling it, although I was struggling to get through the drifts; where it hadn’t melted, the snow was wet and heavy and clung to my skirts and my furs.

By the gate, it was still higher than my knees.

But when I came close, the squirrel dropped the nut into the hole it had made and ran away into the woods.

The squirrel hadn’t made much headway digging through the deep snow, but in that little snowy hollow, the nut glistened with a moonlit shine almost like Staryk silver, something vital there beneath the surface.

I put the nut safely into my pocket this time, and started to push aside the snow, digging down through the drift.

My fingers stung and burned with ice, and my feet and knees were soaked and wet, drawing the cold into my skin as I dug and dug.

I tried to wrap my hands in my fur cloak, but it made me slow; I gave up and just kept digging while my hands went numb and my fingers felt thick even though I could see they were still the same size, only frozen pale white.

At last I reached the ground: frozen and packed hard, full of pebbles.

I had to get a stick from the woodbox in the house to pry out the big stones and break it up, and my fingernails broke and bled into the dirt while I dug.

But I kept working until I made a hole in the frozen ground, not very deep, and then I took out the white nut with my bloody hands and put it down into the hole and covered it over again, with the frozen earth and snow.

I stood up and waited for something more to happen.

But nothing happened. The woods were silent again, and I saw no more squirrels or birds moving.

Even the red glow of Chernobog’s flame had disappeared into the distance.

I didn’t know what it meant. I wanted it to have meant something; I wanted someone or something to have heard my apology, and given me some means to make amends.

I wanted at least to have satisfied my one squirrel.

But perhaps it only hoped that a nut-tree would grow, for it to feast on someday; or perhaps it wasn’t for me to know what I’d done.

I didn’t have a right to demand answers and explanations: I’d come here with an invading army.

My hands and feet were aching and frozen, and I couldn’t stay anymore.

I turned and dragged myself with my wet cloak back to the back of the house, and stepped back into the washtub, and when I came out of the mirror on the other side Magreta came running to me exclaiming in horror over my filthy, bloody, frostbitten hands and took me to the basin to pour water over them, over and over, washing them clean.

While I stood looking down into the cellar at my sleeping Staryk king, Wanda took hold of my shoulders gently and said, “Come inside and eat. We’ll put something cold on your face. It will help.”

We went towards the house together. I was trying to think what to do, and then I slowed and stopped in the yard, staring at it.

I turned and looked back at the shed—the small familiar shed—and back at the house.

The sloping thatched roof wasn’t heavy with snow anymore, but the shape was the same, and the firelight shining out of it for welcome.

The others had gone on beyond me a few steps before they saw I wasn’t with them; they looked at me puzzled.

But I turned and hurried suddenly around to the back, and found the deep washtub standing there full of water, that Irina had tried to take me through, and stared down into the reflection of my face.

“It’s the same house,” I said aloud. Wanda came and looked into the water and then at me.

I told her, “This house stands in the Staryk kingdom also. It’s in both worlds. ”

She was silent. Then she said, “We found things here each day. Things we needed, that weren’t there the night before. And someone spun the yarn for me, and ate our food.”

I thought of Irina’s chaperone, Magreta, whom we’d tucked away inside to hide her from a demon. “Did you make the porridge?” I asked her, and Wanda nodded.

I didn’t know what good it would do. There would be snow there on the other side; there would be icicles hanging on the eaves.

But I couldn’t reach my own hands through to grab hold of them.

I went back down to the cellar. The Staryk looked a little better; the faint signs of color were disappearing out of his cheeks.

“This is the house,” I told him, when his eyes fluttered open on me.

“The witch’s house that you told me of. The one that stands in both kingdoms. Is there some way to cross from here? ”

He stared at me for a little while before he comprehended, and then he whispered, “I sealed the way between; only cracks are left. I did not want any more mortals wandering through. It must be opened again…”

“How?” I said. “With what?”

He shut his eyes. Then he drew a breath and opened them again and said, “Help me to stand.”

Together we got him to the ladder. He looked up at the rectangle of open air standing over our heads, the stars glittering against a dark night sky, and shuddered a little. “Won’t you get worse if you climb out?” I said. “It’s warm.”

“And will be warmer soon,” he said. “From now on my strength will ebb, not grow. I must make use of what little of it I have left, while it lasts.”

He climbed out in slow stages and limped slowly to the house, a hand pressed over his side, but he halted outside the door, staring at the orange coal-flickering light of the fire, his face gone flat and expressionless, and I remembered how Shofer had looked at it with fear.

“Wait,” I said, and went in and hurriedly shoveled a heap of ashes over the flames to put them out, and closed the oven door.

Then I turned and paused, looking around the room: my mother and father were standing holding each other’s hands staring out the door, Wanda next to them, and Sergey had picked up a poker.

Stepon was already huddled on top of the oven under the cloak as a blanket, but even he had lifted his head.

All of them watched the Staryk as he bent his head to fit under the lintel and came inside the house.

But he didn’t look back at any of them. He looked around the room instead, and raised his hands and let them drop a little limply, as if in desperation, and then he went to a cupboard standing in the corner on his left, and opened it.

My mother stared. “Was there a cupboard—” she said to my father, but the Staryk had already pulled both doors open and was digging through it, throwing things impatiently on the ground as he dug them out of drawers: a necklace of green beads, a cloak dark red and torn and stained with blood, a faded bunch of roses, a small sack of dried peas that burst and went rolling out over the floor everywhere—

He turned around and saw us all staring and snapped, “Help me! Or you’ve not given me the aid you bargained with!”

“What are we looking for?” I demanded.

“Something of my kingdom!” he said. “Something of winter, to help me open the way.”

Wanda paused and then went to look around the side of the fireplace, where there were shelves, but there wasn’t much on them. “There’s nowhere else to look,” she said.

He made an impatient noise. “There!” he said, “and there,” and pointed to two doors in the walls left and right of the oven.

We all stared: we couldn’t have overlooked them.

But the Staryk only turned back to the cupboard and went on throwing cups and handkerchiefs and spoons out of it in frantic haste, and after a moment, Wanda went and pulled open the door to the left.

There was another bedroom standing on the other side that couldn’t have fit inside the outside of the house.

A big wooden bed hung with curtains stood there with two heavy wardrobes on either side.

Behind the other door, there was a faint thumping noise: when my father carefully opened it, on the other side was a storeroom, with ropes of dried-up ancient garlic hanging from the ceiling between bunches of crumbling lavender, and a heavy wooden table standing in the middle with a mortar and a pestle, and the mortar was rolling faintly in the bowl as if it had just been in use, with a faint smell of crushed herbs in the air.

“One person should hold the door,” my mother said, warily, as we went into each one searching.

Wanda stayed by the bedroom door to keep it open while we hunted through the wardrobes, and in the wooden chest at the foot of the bed: all of them heaped with the useless ordinary moth-eaten linens and dresses with pockets full of crumbling dust; rotted old boots and cloaks and blankets.

But in the pocket of one dress that seemed heavy, I found a handful of smooth black pebbles that shone strangely; I ran out with them, but the Staryk said impatiently, “No! What use is that? I might wander ten thousand years in the goblin depths and never find a way out again; put them away!”