Page 53 of Special Agent Raven
“I can’t leave her here alone.” Cane resisted, holding himself away from the others.
“She needs this, Cane. Raven has a shitload of visions that have to be dealt with and put to rest. First, she has to accept what happened, and she knows it. Look, from the time she was a child, she had no one but herself to rely on. Cissy left her alone a lot of the time. At a very young age, she learned to handle her own traumas in the only way one can… by revisiting them and giving them a place in the past in order to finally lay them to rest.”
“Once she goes over what happened step by step… and that takes time, she’ll be stronger, better able to deal with thetragedy. Then she’ll come home to us. But she needs us to be strong for her now.” Winona faced Cane. “My friend, you also need to deal with what happened… talk about it, get it out there so you can examine the trauma and lay it to rest. It’s been huge for you, and you too, Noah.”
Nodding, Noah added, “We’ll talk. I promise. But right now, I have to get back. Colin can’t be expected to deal with all the shit going on at home. There’s too much happening. And I need you, Cane. Now that your job is done here in the city, the faster I can get you set up in Carlton Place, the better for all of us.”
Winona nodded and placed the van’s keys in Val’s hand. “Let’s go home. Ravens got her jeep. She’ll come back to us, I promise. But when she’s ready.”
***
Once in Carlton Place, they settled into a routine where Noah and Val moved in together, and Cane stayed with Winona and Saddie-May, spending every spare moment working on the new jail they’d opened in a larger space. And then after dark, he’d help Colin fix the trailer out back.
If they hadn’t kept him busy, he’d have gone crazy. Daily, he found himself railing against this separation from Raven, pivoting from being angry at her for shutting him out to understanding about her need to do so. Unfailingly, as hard as he tried not to let it happen, his mind screamed out – but what about me?
One good thing about Raven staying away, it forced Cane to reflect on the whole situation. And listening to stories that Winona shared about Raven’s young years, he finally began to understand. He hadn’t been in her world long enough for her to trust him with such an intense problem. They hadn’t been able to build that strong foundation yet. But they would. One day, nomatter what happened, she’d turn to him, rely on him. That was his goal. To love her so well that her first thought would be to come to him, so they could handle the world together.
Each night before he settled, he sent her a text message of love and commitment. And each time, she sent back a heart emoji, her way of saying I hear you… but I’m not ready yet.
Thankfully, Cane found he really liked his new job working with Noah. They both knew Noah was his boss, but he never worded their relationship in that way. They worked together, each as respected and powerful as the other and shared the job well. Once they let the townspeople know they were in charge, things began to settle down. Folks seemed to feel better, knowing they could rely on them for their safety.
***
It was Noah who broke from this routine.
Forced to go to the city with a warrant that needed his attention, he left early, without admitting to any of them that he had intentions of sticking his nose into a situation that couldn’t go on for much longer. He’d seen the frantic way Cane moved through his days, watching the man lose weight and get paler with each hour forced to stay away from the woman he loved.
Noah knew what it felt like to be shut out of a world from a woman who refused to let him in… to allow him to share her grief, her fears, her dying. It put a man in a nasty, unbearable place… to let his lady go her own way to the detriment of those who loved her and wanted to help. It physically hurt while undermining his sense of worth. He empathized with Cane, understanding that being ignored unmanned a guy, making him question everything. And that shredded his guts a little more each day.
Once they’d arrived back home after the incident, he’d asked Winona and Cane if they’d had the chance to tell Raven about their sibling relationship and surprisingly, neither of them had done so. With the events happening as fast as they had, it just hadn’t come up.
Well, today she was about to find out that younger brothers had expectations of their older sisters. And it was that they needed them to show up. Once he finished the work he’d come to the city to do, he drove to her apartment and saw the jeep parked in the lot, which made him suspect she was home. Taking his time, swallowing his nervousness, he knocked at her door and waited for it to open.
Her gruff voice sounded weird to him. “Just leave the pizza. I paid for it already, and I added a tip.”
Noah thought about it and answered in a lower tone than his usual, “No can do, lady. Last time the pie got stolen. I need to give it to you in person, boss’s orders.”
The latch unlocked, and she opened the door, reaching for what he didn’t have. Instead, he faced her startled stare and smiled. “Sorry.”
“Noah.”
“Yep. It’s me. Can I come in?”
Shook up and showing it, she swiveled back inside and let him follow her. With her arms crossed over her chest, she grunted, “I’m not ready.”
He closed the door and moved toward her. “Ready for what?”
“To see anyone.”
“Too bad. I decided that waiting wasn’t gonna solve the problem. You need to come home and face us sooner rather than later. How about tonight?”
“You don’t understand, nobody does.”
“You never gave any of us a chance.”
She didn’t like that and turned her back to him. That gave him the opportunity to look around, and shock hit him hard. The place was a mess of boxes half packed, shit everywhere, booze bottles, pizza boxes, plates with dried up food and blankets strewn on the couch where she’d obviously been sleeping. He took in her appearance and the disbelief just ramped up.
Her body seemed fragile, not something he’d ever have associated with Raven. Her hair looked like it hadn’t seen a brush in ages, and her pale face had aged with lines that hadn’t been there before. What scared him the worst came from the listless stare of her sad eyes, like she still dwelt in a place of horrors and couldn’t fight her way out.