Page 15

Alex

“Jordyn has clarity issues,” Lori Harrington rasps in an exaggerated whisper before sucking down half a Camel Light in one breath. “I keep telling her she needs to start thinking about the future, and you know as well as I do that girl’s not built for college.”

“No?” I try to keep it short, as usual.

Get in, get the hell out. Where the fuck is Jordy, anyway?

“I tried for years, but she was never going to excel at anything intellectual.” Lori casts me a sideways glance around her cheap peroxide hair. “She’s lucky she was blessed with good genes.”

She must think I’m a goddamn idiot.

Yeah, Lori, your daughter’s fucking hot and she knows how to hold my attention for more than 30 seconds. Why do you think she stays in my bed four nights out of the week instead of in this shithole?

And Lori would be an attractive woman, too, if she didn’t look so…rough. Or act like a total trainwreck half the time. I should be used to the weird shit she says by now, but it seems she has a silent competition going to see how she can outdo herself each time I see her.

Lori reaches across the table and squeezes my hand, running her thumb back and forth over my knuckles. Her touch makes my skin crawl, and I have to refrain from pulling away. It’s like scum on a pond, a thin, sticky film oozing with ulterior motives.

“Family’s important, Alex. You should really think about how you’re going to guarantee your legacy, and who you’ll choose to carry that responsibility.”

What the hell is she on about now?

“I mean, since you’ll be running your family’s business with your brother.”

“Not really,” I smile, ready to squash whatever assumptions she has about my future plans.

“What do you mean?” She furrows her brow. “I thought you all just got that big contract for the subdivision they’re building outside of town. That’s a big deal.”

“Yeah, that’s right. It’s just that, um, I just decided that I’m joining the Marine Corps after graduation.”

Lori arches her brow, and I can’t tell whether she’s impressed or disapproving. “I had no idea, Jordy didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah…” I wasn’t planning on broaching the subject with anyone for a while, and now I realize I should’ve just lied. “I still need to tell her.”

I also didn’t know that this was information I’d need to formally tell Jordy at all. A drunk lap dance in Leland Wiltshire’s barn turned into prom, which turned into a situationship, and now apparently, we’re at the point of notifying one another of our post-graduation plans one year from now.

The floorboards creak in the hall and a few seconds later, Jordy appears, her long blonde hair straightened to shining perfection, framing her smoky eyes and pink glossy lips. She stops in the doorway and looks at me expectantly.

“Ready?” she asks, popping her hip to show off her black lace bustier that’s basically a bra instead of a shirt and makes her tits look twice as big.

“Yeah.” I immediately rise, taking the opportunity to escape before more of my business has a chance to spill out across the cracked linoleum.

A minute later, we’re safely in my car and on our way to Mason’s house for his Fourth of July party—also known as any excuse to set off a bunch of explosives. A private helicopter pad in the middle of a field has more than one use during this time of the year.

We’re not two miles down the road when Jordy’s phone vibrates. She looks down and lets out a huff before she starts furiously typing out a text.

“Is that her? We just left.”

“I know,” she mumbles, not looking up.

It’s fucking weird, and even more irritating. Jordy can’t stand her mom, and Lori does nothing but pick apart everything Jordy does. Yet, neither of them can handle not speaking to each other for more than 10 minutes.

“You know how you fix this? Don’t answer.”

She shoots me a look like I should know better. “You know that wouldn’t work.”

“It would for me,” I smile. “I’m a simple man.”

“You know how she is,” she rolls her eyes, “I can’t do that.” Suddenly, she scowls at her phone. “And I just got a text that they got fucking Alicia to come back and choreograph our routine for cheer camp!”

God, if I hear any more about Dire Ridge’s former cheerleading captain, Alicia Moreno, and her alleged vendetta against Jordy, I’m going to puke. Alicia graduated this year, but apparently, she’s making one last appearance to make Jordy’s life hell. She and Jordy despise each other, but I don’t know why, nor do I care.

I keep driving down the long straightaway, whipping past walls of honeysuckle while Jordy finishes typing out whatever bullshit will pacify Lori for another hour or so. But when I glance over the console, her smile is gone and she’s staring down at her phone through slitted eyes. Finally, she looks up at me scornfully.

“You son of a bitch.” Her jaw tightens and the veins in her neck pop. “When were you going to tell me that you’re joining the Marines?”

●●●

The weathered Stihl box has been sitting on the shelf in my closet for years, banished to the cobwebs since I was finally able to buy my own games and consoles. I tear open the flaps and do a quick inventory. The original PlayStation is still there, packed with stacks of games and a couple of controllers.

It was my dad’s, which is hilarious to think about now. Back then, it was a rite of passage; he gave it to Adrian, who played with it until he gave it to Luca, and then Luca finally gave it to me. Now it’s just an artifact of what used to be. But, now, I’m giving it to Dallas. Another decision I’m making that no one can say a goddamn thing about.

Yeah, she’ll love this.

I grab my backpack and dump the contents out onto my bed before shoving the entire console inside along with the games and controllers. I can’t wait to see the look on her face. It’ll be almost as good as the one she had when she watched me climb out her window while Colson was banging on her door.

She’s probably never even kissed anyone before.

I’m not usually impulsive. It was fucking stupid, but I don’t regret it for a second. I’ve since stopped worrying about Sydney running off and telling Colson. She likes me more than him, anyway. Plus, if anyone had to see me walking away from that house, I’m glad it was her. She won’t say shit because she has a few secrets of her own tucked away in that mansion hidden in the trees.

I hear the gravel crunching outside and know it’s Aiden’s Lexus coming down the driveway. Perfect, I smile to myself as I sling the backpack over my shoulder. We’re meeting Mason, Rory, and Josh at Colson’s to go hunting. As soon as I collapse into the front seat and shut the door, Aiden hits the gas and spins the car around, spraying gravel into the brush. He guns the engine and slingshots up the driveway to the road where he speeds off toward the Lutz’s house.

“If you don’t stop that, Adrian’s going to scatter shrapnel in the driveway,” I say, loosening my grip on the grab handle.

“But yours is the only one I can do that in,” Aiden justifies. “Just watch, he’ll miss yelling at me for this kind of shit after you’re gone.”

Maybe he’s right, maybe Adrian will just call up Aiden when he feels like a good nag or to remind him of all the bad decisions he’s making. In the meantime, I’ll make myself scarce and disappear into the muggy night with my friends to get in as much trouble as I can. It’s not the same as it was even just a month ago, but it doesn’t matter. We have important business.

Hunting is a relative term. We aren’t looking for wild animals, per sé, and we don’t need weapons for this kind of prey. The act of searching for Bowen Garrison is entertaining enough, and what we do after we find him is still up for debate. But each day that goes by and he still walks free only compounds the pressure to do something, legal or not.

Mason, Josh, and Rory are already there, standing at Colson’s car parked in front of the house while he sits on the hood splitting a cigarette with Josh.

“You finally decided to show up,” Mason calls to us.

“Are we late?” I ask as the gravel crunches under my boots.

I didn’t even notice, I was too busy packing this old-ass game system into my backpack and thinking about how to get it to Dallas. I know she’s not home right now, I’m sure she’s well on her way to find that band she was telling me about.

“Sorry,” Aiden snickers. “You know how pets are, they can be unpredictable.”

“I thought Arlo died,” Josh scrunches up his face in confusion.

Aiden doesn’t respond, only stares across the gravel with the most deranged smile playing behind his eyes.

Josh finally gets the joke. “ Jesus Christ… ” he chuckles, “if that girl lasts ‘til graduation, then she might be more fucked in the head than you.”

“There may be hope for me yet,” Aiden sighs. “So, where to first?”

“Still deciding,” Rory replies.

Aiden tilts his head back, gazing up at the sky, “If I were a sociopathic murderer, where would I go?”

“We were hoping you’d tell us, ” Mason grins.

“ Oh, yeah, that’s right…” He smiles, his eyes wandering aimlessly in thought before he finally snaps his fingers. “Palomino.”

“Why Palomino?” Colson asks, taking one last drag on the cigarette before scraping it across the ground to put it out.

“He’ll stay away from here, obviously. But, more importantly, he feels at home there. You know, after what he did, ” Aiden says with disdain. A heaviness descends over the circle, until Aiden gives shrug. “And Brantley and Wesley said he’s there.”

Everyone gives a collective eyeroll at Aiden’s theatrics before heading for the vehicles.

“Hey, is your house unlocked?” I call to Colson as he opens the door to his Civic.

“No, why?”

“I can’t find my roof rack key,” I lie. “I want to check your room.”

Colson comes to an abrupt halt and, in an instant, his eyes darken. “You lost your keys? ” he asks dubiously.

“No,” I look him dead in the eye with equal severity, “just my roof rack key ring. They’re separate. It usually stays in my car.”

Colson pauses, and after a few moments his face relaxes and he nods.

He tosses the key to me. “Just give them back when we get there.”

I give a quick nod before jogging up to the house. I take the stairs two at a time and head straight for Dallas’s room. As soon as I step through the door, I’m hit with a wave of familiarity and peace. As pumped as I am for what the night holds, I kind of just want to collapse onto her bed and lay here in the dark until she comes back.

But, instead, I drop my backpack on her fluffy white comforter and tear it open. I start looking around while I unload the contents, searching for a good place to leave everything that won’t draw any attention. I glance down at my feet and kick my boot out, feeling nothing beneath the bed. Immediately, I sink down to the floor and slide the console underneath along with the controllers and stacks of games.

As I’m placing the last stack of cases underneath the bed, I feel a thud and then the sound of footsteps downstairs. I jump up and grab my backpack, heading for the door before they can reach the stairs. I’m in the hall and pulling Dallas’s door shut silently as the footfalls hit the stairs and a shadow appears on the wall.

I take a few steps back toward Colson’s door just in time to see Aiden’s tall silhouette appear at the top of the stairs.

“What the fuck are you doing up here?” he mutters, meeting me halfway.

“My keys aren’t here,” I lie. “Whatever, they’re probably at my house.”

Accepting my response, Aiden turns to head back to the stairs. But as he passes Dallas’s door, he swings his arm out and, on pure reflex, I reach out and swat his hand away from her doorknob.

As soon as I do, he stops dead in his tracks, locking his eyes on my hand. For a brief moment, I think he’s going to snap at it and bite it off.

Why the hell did I do that? Dallas isn’t even home, so it wouldn’t have mattered.

I stare back at Aiden with the same stone-faced look until, finally, he lowers his arm and continues toward the stairs. We walk in silence through the dark house and back out to his car. The Avalanche is gone, leaving us alone in the driveway. We both get into his Lexus and, as soon as he starts his engine, he looks over his shoulder at me.

“Out with it.”

“What?”

“ What, my ass. Don’t bullshit me. What the hell was that up there?”

I settle back into the seat with a shrug. “Dallas doesn’t like it when you fuck with her.”

“How do you know?”

“ Obviously, ” I scoff. “And Col doesn’t need anyone messing with his other sister right now.”

“Like you? ” Aiden peers at me through his snake eyes.

“What?”

He throws the car in gear and guns it down the driveway. “Seven years walking through that house and tonight is the night you decide that a doorknob jiggle crosses the line?”

I don’t have a good answer, so I focus on the road ahead.

“What are you doing, Alex? Trying to be her savior?” His tone turns acidic. “You think you can protect her from the things we’re chasing? Does it make you feel better, like she won’t be the next one who ends up in that pipe?”

Is he seriously trying to do this right now?

“Kind of like you’re doing with Sydney?” I counter.

That one lights a fire under his ass and he slams on the brakes and whips over into a gravel pull-off, skidding to a halt. He whips around and leans over the console. “No, not like Syd. Because I won’t let anything happen to Syd ever again ,” he snarls.

Aiden thinks he fucked up. He’ll never admit it, but he thinks it’s his fault those awful things happened to Sydney. And he thinks that if he makes another mistake, there’s no coming back. And maybe he’s right; maybe next time there won’t be any second chances.

“Col didn’t let anything happen to Evie,” I say slowly.

Aiden sets his jaw, his gaze burning a hole in the gear shift. “He should’ve done something. He shouldn’t have cared what it looked like or what Evie thought.” He lifts his head and locks eyes with me. “He should’ve done then what I’m doing now.”

It wasn’t Sydney, but it could’ve been Sydney. The result of one decision weeks or months ago, one seemingly insignificant deviation could’ve meant that she was the one stuffed in that culvert in the woods. And that’s what he thinks.

“Maybe,” I concede, “but if you’re right, then maybe we should concentrate on making sure no one else does end up in that pipe.”

“I am right,” Aiden nods, “because Bowen did it. He killed Evie.”

“How do you know?” I know Bowen killed Evie, just from what Colson said, but I want to know why Aiden’s saying it now.

“Because when Wells and his goons hauled me out to Canaan, trying to get me to confess that I did it, they kept saying they knew what I did to her hair.”

“Evie’s hair?”

Aiden nods, “I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about, but when I told Col about it, he didn’t sound too surprised. He said it’d be pretty convenient for Bowen if he made it look like I butchered Evie’s hair before killing her.”

Then he pauses, his eyes going darker as he speaks through clenched teeth.

“ Just like what happened to Syd. ”

●●●

The last time I was at Palomino Park was when I stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the rest of the soccer team, walking in a straight line through the woods, searching for Evie.

Look up, look down, look side to side…

Now I’m back, in the same park, with the same people, searching for someone else. It looks much different than the last time we were here. It’s dark now, but people are still jogging the path with their dogs, teenagers are mingling around the picnic tables, and the skate park looks like a buzzing hive.

I thought it would be more deserted after what happened. But then again, Evie’s body wasn’t brought out of the park. We searched the park, but they brought her out of the woods days later, off Grisham Road. Nobody in Canaan or Hellbranch associates this park with anything nefarious.

Aiden parks his Lexus in the space between Mason’s Avalanche and Colson’s Civic. The guys are sitting on Mason’s tailgate, surveying the scene. As soon as we get out of the car and approach them, Aiden tips his chin, nodding at someone in the distance. I follow his line of sight to two guys sitting on top of a metal picnic table, shrouded in the shadow of a gnarly oak. They’re roughly the same size; stocky and wearing square-toe boots and camo hats, one with a messy bun pulled through the back.

“See? I told you,” Aiden chuckles as one of them raises an arm and waves to him.

For the record, I don’t know Brantley and Wesley Rhoden personally. None of us do except for Aiden, and the details of why are pretty murky. They live in Hellbranch, presumably out on the compound where their family’s airfield is. They’re probably here doing what they always do, which is recruit high schoolers because they either need the money or think that getting in with the Rhodens will give them some kind of clout. But Aiden doesn’t need money or clout, so he has different motives for being involved with them, which even I have yet to find out.

Mason, on the other hand, has his own reasons for the death stare he’s giving both of them right now, and that’s not a secret.

“Relax, Mase,” I give his elbow a nudge, startling him out of his trance, “they’re not the ones we’re here for.”

“Not yet, ” he mumbles, casting them another loathsome glare.

“I don’t think you give Tyler enough credit,” Colson chimes in. “I don’t think she’s as innocent as you’re led to believe.”

A smile tugs at Mason’s mouth. “I know she’s not. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let them come near her ever again.”

“ Driving Miss Daisy , over here,” Aiden mutters with a roll of his eyes.

“Leave him alone,” I wave Aiden off, “this is his entire excuse for driving her home from school every single day. It’s pretty genius.”

“Is that him?” Rory squints in the direction of the skate park.

We all turn, peering across the grass to scan the concrete obstacles. Two familiar figures stand just on the other side of the brick perimeter, illuminated underneath one of the light poles. Bowen and Jay linger there a bit longer before gliding back across the concrete.

Seconds later, we’re strolling across the grass toward the skate park. Everyone seems to pause, looking our way as six guys who no one knows make a show of jumping up onto the brick wall and taking a seat in a neat row to watch Bowen Garrison pop off a few tricks.

Our presence is stifling and unwelcome, as though they know we have more insidious reasons for being here. Scanning the rest of the scene, I spot Hildy and Hannah sitting on the wall around the curve next to another girl with long brown hair that I don’t recognize. Their eyes dart back and forth, eyeing us with both fear and contempt.

We sit in silence, just watching Bowen and Jay. So long, in fact, that the tension begins to fade and the normal sounds of the park resume. The dull roar of yelling, laughter, and the buzz of skateboards on the ramps lull everyone back to a false sense of security. But it only lasts a short time.

“You’re killing it, Bo!” Aiden’s voice cuts through the night air.

Bowen glances our direction, choosing to ignore him at first. Jay, however, has kept one eye on Aiden the entire time. He follows Bowen to the funbox, further away, saying something to him out of earshot. Bowen replies, and then jumps and slides down the rail on the other side.

“Yeahhh, Bo! Murder that rail!” Mason calls after them, eliciting more than a few chuckles from the rest of us.

But the next thing that comes out of Colson’s mouth gives us pause. To anyone else, it would seem benign, albeit out of place, but tonight, it’s a fucking declaration of war.

“ My name is Colson and you know what I got? ”

There’s a brief pause before Aiden answers. “ What do you got? ”

“ I got a batter that’s hotter than hot… ”

Then me. “ How hot is hot? ”

“ Batman and Superman… ”

Then Mason. “ Uh-huh, uh-huh! ”

“ NO ONE CAN HIT IT LIKE EVIE CAN!” we all shout in unison.

Every single one of us knows this cheer. I think every girl on every softball team in America has screamed it countless times. It repeats— Aiden, me, Mason, Josh, Rory —louder each time like a storm rolling in. And by the end, an eerie hush falls over the park and there’s no doubt about why we’re here. And, the entire time, Bowen stares right back at us with those dead-ass eyes.

Everyone in that park knows who Evie is and, more importantly, they know she’s not alive anymore.

“Fuck you, Colson!” Hildy spits from across the bowl, breaking the silence.

“I’ll pass,” Colson replies loud enough for everyone to hear, not breaking eye contact with Bowen. “I wouldn’t want to end up raped, murdered, and stuffed into a pipe.”

“Why are you even here?” she snarls back.

“Isn’t this the place to be? And look—” he nods to the brown-haired girl sitting next to Hannah, “you already got a replacement. What’s your name, sweetheart?”

The brown-haired girl looks down and refuses to make eye contact with anyone after that. I’d feel bad for her, but you’d have to be living under a rock not to connect the dots with what happened to Evie and why your ass is suddenly sitting in all the spots where she should be.

“This you?” Mason asks, studying a social media page on his phone screen. Then he turns it and lifts it in the air to show them. “ Valerie? ”

The girl still doesn’t answer, trying desperately to melt into the concrete.

“If you don’t leave, I’m calling the cops,” Hildy shouts.

“Do it,” Aiden deadpans, swiveling his head in Jay’s direction. “Call those pigs out here. Won’t do much good, though.” He turns back to Hildy, giving her a once-over. “It looks like someone already made a whole lot of fun out of you. ”

Hildy’s jaw tightens and her chest caves ever so slightly. Her hand twitches, but she stops herself from reaching up and touching her hair, now almost a foot shorter than it used to be. She still looks as hateful as ever, but now her chin trembles every few seconds, threatening to betray her tough persona. But she’s not crying out of sadness or shallow angst over her impromptu makeover. There’s something else, something much more insidious behind Hildy’s dark eyes. Something she wants to keep hidden.

Bowen’s had enough of us for tonight. So, when he shoots a look in Jay’s direction, they both glide across the concrete and make for the exit, the girls scurrying along right behind. We follow suit, slowly dismounting the brick wall and following at a safe distance.

They veer off to the right side of the parking lot, and as soon as they make it halfway, they all take off at a dead sprint to a dark SUV parked under an oak. Josh lets out a whoop that echoes through the night and we rush to jump in our vehicles and tear out of the parking lot behind them.

Aiden skids out of the lot behind Colson’s Civic, speeding after the SUV. It doesn’t take long to catch up to it and follow it out of town. They think they can drive faster out on the county roads, but there are also fewer people, and fewer witnesses. Colson shoots out ahead of the SUV and pulls in front of it as Aiden crosses the center line to pull up alongside it.

Jay is driving, but it’s not his vehicle. Then it dawns on me, as soon as I see Hildy in the passenger seat, that it’s probably hers. He glances in the rearview mirror at Mason, who’s matching his speed right behind them. We have him boxed in, and there’s nowhere to go. And, now, the only lights out here belong to our four vehicles racing through the cornfields.

Colson starts brake checking Jay, and each time, Mason flashes his lights and flutters his horn just to add to the chaos. Aiden and I howl with laughter, shouting obscenities out my window as the dark silhouettes of the girls jerk and thrash around in panic. I’m sure Bowen is just sitting in the backseat, looking like a psycho while he sulks about us ruining his evening.

As torqued up as everyone is, we don’t run them off the road. We could because this time, nobody cares about whether or not a Canaan police SUV is waiting in the shadows to hit their lights. And, miraculously, we don’t pass a single one. Tuesday night also guarantees almost no traffic, so Aiden’s able to keep them trapped between the Civic and Avalanche for a few miles. Suddenly, Colson reduces his speed, forcing everyone else to do the same.

“What the hell’s he doing?” I mumble as Aiden pumps his brakes.

Aiden doesn’t answer, only keeps his eyes on Jay and the SUV, a smile playing on his lips the more we slow down. Soon, the cars come to a grinding halt and we all just sit there on the deserted road, a sprawling field on the left side of the Lexus and a line of honeysuckle on the right side of the SUV.

Suddenly, there’s a thud and the SUV lurches forward. Aiden and I snicker to one another, looking out the back window at Mason, who just tapped their bumper with his truck. The brake lights flash on and off and the SUV lurches back and forth with indecision. Finally, the tires squeal as it makes a sharp right off the road. It bottoms out when it hits the ditch off the shoulder and jostles into the brush as they try to turn around.

Aiden and I watch with intrigue as the SUV plows a hole through the honeysuckle, catching vines and scraping along saplings in a desperate attempt to escape us. Everyone is so entertained by Jay’s split-decision to go off road that we just sit and watch him wreck Hildy’s vehicle. The engine roars as the SUV rocks precariously over the terrain, pushing the suspension to the breaking point. Finally, Jay runs the SUV back up the side of the ditch and onto pavement, where they speed off, back the way they came.

A cacophony of hoots and hollers echo through the air as I settle back into my seat with a satisfied laugh. When I look over at Aiden, he’s still staring into the rearview mirror, but he looks miles away.

Then he shifts his gaze and meets my eyes. “First Rhinehardt, then Hildy. That new girl better decide which side she’s on before she sees what happens to the rest of them.” He jerks the gear shift and hops between the Civic and Avalanche. “Because by then, it’ll be too late.”

●●●

The Raffertys’ house is quiet until the four of us come bursting through the front door, laughter echoing off the crown molding and through the corridors. Rory and Josh leave soon after we return, but I can’t help but notice that Rory’s glued to his phone. It could be anything, but part of me wonders if I’m witnessing Dallas scam him in real-time. I’ll have to ask her later. But right now, we’re still riding the high of chasing Bowen and his friends across the county.

“Next time, I’m pushing them into that ditch,” Mason calls over his shoulder as he swaggers across the marble foyer.

I follow him into the living room and take a seat in one of the wingback chairs flanking the fireplace. “I thought they’d put up more of a fight. I didn’t realize they’d actually run .”

“I told that motherfucker, Rhinehardt, that I’d be back for his other knee if he misbehaved,” Aiden drawls. “Maybe he’s finally learning.”

“Trying to get you locked up didn’t work,” I point out, “and now Bowen has Col after him. They’re probably getting desperate.”

“I should’ve killed them all tonight,” Colson deadpans, his voice landing like a ton of bricks.

Our attention shifts to him, staring straight ahead at the wall, but not seeing the wall. And he’s holding his black knife on his knee, toggling it back and forth at a constant pace, the rest of his body completely still.

It’s not what he said, but the way he said it that gives us pause. It’s not in his usual tone, thick with arrogance. This time, I think he really means it.

“I should’ve gotten out of that car,” he continues, “I should’ve lined them up on that road, and slit every one of their goddamn throats, one after another.”

“Shit, dude,” Mason murmurs from behind him.

Colson whips his head to the side, speaking over his shoulder. “Did you forget what he did?” His voice gets louder with each word. “ Did you forget what happened in those woods? ”

“Don’t you fucking start with me, Col!” Mason barks, giving me a start. “I was there! Did you forget? Who do you think dragged you both out of that pipe and called for help? Who had to tell them where to find us in the middle of fucking nowhere with Evie melting all over you? I had to keep it together for you! ” he shouts, his cheeks flushed with rage.

Aiden looks on with indifference, but I know he’s agonizing over his own perceived failures and sees Colson as the manifestation of those failures. Meanwhile, Mason’s done suffering in silence, having realized that he can’t just fall back into being the mellow one with the carefree attitude.

“It’s not over, Col,” I break the silence, “but you’re not the one who’s supposed to go to prison.”

After a couple of minutes, Colson leans forward, staring at the floor between his knees.

“You alright?” I ask, “You look like you’re about to puke.”

He flinches, like I’ve just interrupted him mid-thought. “Yeah. Um,” he swallows, each breath getting deeper, “I need you to do something for me.”

Colson rises from the sofa and crosses the marble floor to the dining room. He jerks a chair away from the table and spins it around. Then he reaches up and grabs his shirt, tugging it over his head in one motion before dropping it on the floor. Taking a seat in the chair, he looks down at the knife and studies it for a few moments before holding it out like an offering.

“What are you doing?” I ask, eyeing him from across the room.

He looks down and touches his torso, running his fingers over the scar on his ribcage—the same one we all have.

“I need you to make me bleed again.”

I could balk at his request, but I remember what it felt like when that blade sliced through my flesh three years ago. And I know why he’s asking for it now. I needed to feel something so I knew I wasn’t dying, turning into a ghost, and disappearing a little more each day.

“Do it!” he bites out. “Because I keep seeing her, and I can’t get it out of my fucking head! ”

Before I can respond, Mason storms across the room and swipes the knife out of Colson’s hand. I think he’s going to flip it shut and chastise Colson for his harmful ideations, but instead, he plants his feet on either side of Colson’s knees and takes a seat on his thighs.

And, suddenly, it’s three years ago, and we’re all here in Aiden’s dining room again— for another ritualistic bloodletting.

Without a word, Aiden crosses the room, tearing his belt from its buckle and pulling it through his jeans with a zip. He steps behind the chair and lowers the strap in front of Colson’s face, fixing it between his teeth. I follow, crouching down by Aiden’s legs and weaving my arms through Colson’s, holding them firm at his back.

In a flash, Mason’s hand flies up and he pops Colson across the jaw, eliciting a shocked grunt from him. Aiden jerks Colson’s face upright again, holding him steady as Mason leans over him.

“Don’t you fucking tell me about what happened out there,” Mason growls. “Because everything that’s in your head is in mine, too, and I can’t fucking forget it, either! ” He reels back and smacks him across the face again, this time much harder.

Colson lets out a pained groan that echoes through the room, but then his shoulders begin shaking with silent laughter. Mason looks down at Colson’s lap.

“Did that make you hard for me, Col?” Mason taunts.

Aiden and I snicker at one another. This sounds more like Mason. Emboldened by our reactions, he starts rocking back and forth on Colson’s lap, dropping his jaw in feigned astonishment as he grinds on his presumably hard dick.

“Shit,” Mason mutters with a laugh. “He’s hard as a goddamn rock right now.”

“I always knew you were a little slut for Mase,” Aiden teases over his shoulder.

“Are you surprised? Col’s wanted my ass for years,” Mason scoffs. “Are you ready, or did you want to blow your load before I cut you?”

“Fucking do it,” Colson mumbles through the leather strap.

Mason hesitates, then his eyes dart to Aiden and me as we exchange menacing glances. Slowly, he begins rocking back and forth over Colson’s lap again. Colson’s arms tense and he lets out a lungful of air while Aiden and I watch his eyes roll back. His fists clench beneath my arms and he starts to struggle against us. But after a few seconds, he lets out a moan, punctuated with unintelligible sounds.

I watch as the bizarre role reversal plays out, where Mason’s embracing the sadistic streak usually reserved for Colson. And maybe that’s what Colson’s looking for right now; an excuse to be something different at a time when all of us need a distraction from the horrors of reality.

“Look at him,” Mason chuckles as he rolls his hips, riding him harder. In an instant, his smile flips to a snarl as he smacks Colson across the face again, eliciting a string of garbled grunts. “You like being my bottom right now?” Mason asks, his words dripping with contempt.

But the humiliation only seems to excite Colson. He clenches the belt in his jaw, glaring up at Mason, and then starts nodding.

Holding the knife out at his side with one hand, Mason slowly nods back. “Thought so,” he sneers before giving Colson a condescending pat on the cheek.

He reaches down into Colson’s lap and a moment later, Colson’s chest caves and his jaw drops. My eyes dart around his side to Mason’s hand, gripping Colson’s dick through his black joggers. With a smirk, he starts moving his hand in slow strokes, his upper lip twitching with malice.

Aiden and I just look at each other, pressing our mouths together as we try not to descend into fits of laughter. What else do you do when one man’s ritualistic display of flagellation turns into another’s vengeful fever dream in a matter of seconds?

Mason releases him and holds his hand up to Aiden.

“Spit,” he commands.

A fire ignites behind Aiden’s eyes as he starts shifting his jaw back and forth and sucking his cheeks in and out. Seconds later, he leans over and spits a mouthful of saliva into Mason’s palm.

Mason glances at the pool and then at Colson. “More,” he grins, looking absolutely unholy. “He’s a big boy.”

Aiden complies with a chuckle and unloads another mouthful of spit into Mason’s hand. Once he decides it’s enough, Mason places the handle of the knife between his teeth, freeing up both hands. Then, without a word, he reaches down and jerks the waistband of Colson’s pants open, grabbing his dick and rubbing Aiden’s spit all over him. Colson shudders at his touch, but then relaxes, arching his back as Mason takes the knife and positions the blade across Colson’s ribs.

“Don’t bitch out now, Col,” Mason warns right before pressing the blade into his flesh and dragging it over his ribs.

Colson lets out a guttural howl around the belt as blood starts beading in the wake of the knife. He sucks in a deep breath, his eyes wild as Mason keeps stroking him while he bleeds. I look away, trying to ignore the carnal frenzy that’s making my dick twitch in a way I wish it wouldn’t. Then my mind starts wandering…wishing I was somewhere else…with someone else.

Mason starts pumping his fist faster, repositioning the blade just below the previous cut. He watches Colson intently, waiting…

Soon, Colson’s abs tense and his head falls back. He bites the belt and lets out a barrage of groans as Mason cuts deep, unleashing another ribbon of blood down his torso as he comes.

When his movements slow and his breathing evens out, Mason gives him one last rough pump and pushes off Colson’s chest, rising from his lap and dragging his wet hand across his pants. Aiden releases the belt and Colson lets out a cough before pitching forward and tumbling off the chair onto the marble floor.

He rolls his forehead back and forth across the cold slab. “ Fuck, fuck, fuck… ”

Mason swaggers over to Colson’s body sprawled across the floor. “You’re welcome, asshole,” he sneers.

“I should fucking kill you,” Colson mumbles into the floor.

“I’m more worried about you simping after me now,” Mason retorts, giving Colson’s shoulder a shove with his heel.

Colson rolls onto his back, his arm flopping onto the marble with a smack. There’s blood smeared across his stomach and stamped on the white marble where he fell. He closes his eyes, inhaling one deep breath after another.

“I think you broke him,” Aiden snickers.

Colson opens his eyes and just stares at the ceiling with an intensity I’ve never seen before—and he’s fucking intense. Something’s happening in his head, and I don’t necessarily want to know what it is.

“I’m surprised he’s conscious,” Mason scoffs. “His dick's so big that he gets an erection and passes out when all the blood drains from the rest of his body.”

Colson rolls his head in our direction. “When I find the woman that I’m going to marry, this is how I’ll know if she’s the real deal.”

I shoot Aiden a side-eye, and he responds in kind, both of us knowing full well that his brain must still be starved for blood if Colson fucking Lutz is talking about marrying anyone. That being said, only Colson Lutz would decide whether a girl is worthy of marriage by whether or not she vibes with being stabbed while he’s actively making her come.

“She’ll let me choke her out with my belt,” he continues, “and then spit in her mouth before I give her a mark to match mine. Then she’ll come all over my dick while I do it, and she’ll love it.” He says it like it’s already happened, like he’s seeing it play out in his mind’s eye. “And once I find her,” his mouth stretches into a feral grin, “she’ll never get rid of me.”

“Solid plan,” I chuckle.

“That’s cute,” Mason says over his shoulder as he saunters toward the kitchen. “You better tell this little sex slave of yours where you got the idea.”

“In the meantime, get a towel,” Aiden nudges Colson’s hip with his foot, “you’re bleeding all over my floor.”

It doesn’t occur to me to be bothered by anything that just happened. It’s like a catharsis, surrendering to the chaos of the moment. I hesitate to say it’s out of the ordinary, because the word, “chaos”, has been used in conjunction with our names more times than I can count. But we show up for each other, whether it’s with a car to sit in, stepping up during a fight, or, in this case, jerking off your best friend while you cut him with his own knife because that’s what he needs to feel alive.

Whatever. Bonobos do it—fuck each other to cope with disturbances in the group. Males, females, it doesn’t matter. Maybe we’re the same, maybe we’re just a bunch of apes trying to figure our shit out. I don’t think anyone who knows us would argue with that.

I reach down and Colson grabs my hand, letting me hoist him up off the floor. Bloodied, disheveled, and the pink imprint of Aiden’s belt still fresh across his cheeks, he turns and follows Mason to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator. I turn and head for the wingback chair, but before I can make it past the sofas, a hand grabs the back of my shirt with a smack and throws me to the side.

I stumble backward onto the sofa and before I can recover, Aiden comes down on top of me. He shoves me back down, his forearm across my chest, pressing me into the cushions.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I hiss.

I can’t move, Aiden’s limbs cover more ground than mine and he’s just as strong as me. My eyes dart across the room to Colson and Mason, wholly unconcerned with anything else at this point.

Aiden looks down at me with searching eyes. “Who were you thinking about?”

“When?”

“I know you, Alex, I saw when your face changed. Who was it?”

How the hell does he know that? But I don’t answer.

“Tyler?” he guesses with a hint of sarcasm.

I shoot him an irritated look, wishing he’d shut the hell up and get off me. But that’s not Aiden; he’ll pick and dig and peel back the layers until he gets what he wants.

“Syd?”

Even more idiotic.

“Jordy?” he continues with a sardonic grin.

I cringe and grit my teeth. And Aiden sees it, the visceral reaction marked by the subtle twitch of my lip and squint of my eye.

“Did you give her another shot?” he asks with a tilt of his head. “I know you hate that bitch, but she was a good fuck, wasn’t she?” I know what he’s doing, but his voice still feels like glass grinding into my skin.

I set my jaw, glaring up at him.

“No?” he smirks down at me. “Then who, Alex?”

After a few moments, my face relaxes as I finally come to terms with the fact that I can’t hide anything from Aiden.

“So, you are smitten with the kitten,” he grins, “riding my ass and judging me for my favorite flavor, all the while you’re over here sneaking licks right under Col’s roof.”

“It’s not like that,” I mumble under my breath.

“The fuck it isn’t. Anyhow, I already knew you were there while Col was gone,” Aiden sneers.

I furrow my brow with confusion, which delights him beyond belief.

“Someone told me they saw you in that house, and it wasn’t Col’s window you were climbing out of.”

I mouth a silent curse in response.

Sydney.

“Calm down,” he smiles, “Syd wasn’t tattling on you. It was my fault. I might’ve drug it out of her after doing some of my own sneaking. So, what have you done to Ole Dally?” he asks, his eyes wandering toward the kitchen.

I give a quick shake of my head.

“Was it willingly?”

“ I’d never fucking hurt her, ” I rasp, another visceral reaction betraying me.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t. I’ve seen how she looks at you since you started giving her the time of day. Did you start giving her candy again like you used to when she was a kid?”

He remembers that?

Of course he remembers. That’s what Aiden does; he holds onto tiny pieces of information until they reveal themselves to be useful. I just consider myself lucky he’s my best friend instead of my mortal enemy.

“If she had an ounce of confidence, she’d let you keep her chained up in the barracks with you on Parris Island,” he continues.

She does have confidence, I almost say, but I catch myself just in time.

“She's a freshman, Alex, what could you possibly have in common with her? Besides your affinity for chicks with big asses,” he says with an eye roll. “So, tell me the other reasons you're flirting with death.”

“She's like me,” I finally admit, “half broken and missing a few pieces.”

“But not like Col,” Aiden surmises.

I shake my head. “She makes me want to come back— all the way . And I want to bring her back with me.”

“Is it because you don't think she'd do to you what others have?”

“I know she wouldn't.”

“How? Because of what you did up in that room?”

“I told you, I didn’t—”

Suddenly, Aiden seizes my groin, making me go rigid. “ Don’t fucking lie to me, Alex, ” he seethes, his ebony eyes boring into mine, “it belittles us both. What'd you do up in that room? And don’t tell me you were just playing video games.”

I shake my head, trying to focus. “I fell asleep, and when I woke up, she was asleep, too.” When I say it, I can’t help but smile at the memory. “You should've seen her, just six inches away, asleep on my arm...”

“Fucking sleaze,” he grins back.

Aiden’s face relaxes and the menacing shadow behind his eyes dissipates ever so slightly. “Tell me what she looked like— to you. ”

I open my mouth to speak, but my breath catches and, with a flick of his wrist, Aiden’s hand disappears beneath the waist of my sweatpants. Pinned beneath him, he grabs my dick, getting harder as my mind betrays me. I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to decide whether I want to tear Aiden’s arm off or let him bear witness to my secret depravity. But the image of her in my head is unexpectedly vivid, and I don’t want to open my eyes and have to admit she’s not here.

So, I don’t.

“When I looked at her for the first time—like, really looked at her—it was like I was looking at myself. And when she looked back, she really saw me, too.”

His hand starts moving up and down, sending a rush all the way down my legs. I clench my jaw, letting my head fall back as I try to hold onto her. She’s still there; her mess of shiny black hair, her blue eyes gazing back from the pillow beside me, her rosy lips parted slightly, her shirt twisted and pulling at her chest, her leg slung over mine from moving in her sleep…

I start to give in to all the thoughts simmering, lying in wait deep in the back of my mind. “She wants me to fuck her so bad, but she’ll never ask me for it.” Rolling my hips with Aiden’s hand, I cast aside any remaining reservations. “I wanted to spread her out right then. Fuck, she'd feel so good under me.”

“Would you if she asked?” he murmurs, speeding up his rhythm.

I exhale all the air in my lungs before giving a slight shake of my head.

“Why not?” he presses.

“ It’s…wrong… ” I grind out bitterly, the words like acid on my tongue.

“You mean it’s everything you’ve ever wanted,” he keeps his voice low, steadily bringing me closer to the edge. “You’re too good, Alex. You won’t do it, but some other asshole will, and they won’t give it— or her —a second thought.”

My breath hisses through my teeth. I want to beat his fucking face in. And then I want to kill every hypothetical moron he’s talking about who’ll just use Dallas for her body and not even care about her.

How could anyone not care about her?

“You’re good, but not that good,” Aiden continues, “I know how fucked up you can be. I know about the shit you’ve done, the things you like. ” I grab his shoulders, clenching his shirt in my fists. “You’re going to fuck Dallas Lutz, aren’t you? You’re going to fuck Col’s little sister. How are you going to do it, Alex?”

I don’t dare open my eyes, or she’ll disappear. “In her bed, in that Pepto Bismol pink room of hers, fucking her on top of her Squishmallows…”

“Her what? ” he hisses.

I grit my teeth, chasing the release. “Those—those weird pillow animal things…”

“She’ll be biting the hell out of them soon enough,” he rasps, pumping my dick faster. “Dally’s so wet for Alex fucking Barrera that when she finally works up the nerve, you’ll jump on it. Bet she’s the tightest you’ll ever have.”

I nod.

“And loud.” He pumps faster. “Are you going to cover it up or wait ‘til no one’s home so you can make her scream for mercy?”

My hand flies up and I grab a fistful of hair at the back of his head. “ Fuck…fuck, fuck, fuckkk! ”

My jaw drops and I dig my heel into the sofa cushion, my abs trembling while I come all over Aiden’s hand. And as soon as my breathing slows and I open my eyes, she’s gone in an instant.

I let out a groan, not bothering to move even after Aiden pushes off me and rises from the sofa. He glances toward the kitchen, where Colson and Mason are standing at the island with snacks scattered over the quartz countertop, oblivious to what’s happened in the living room.

Aiden looks down, towering over me with a severe look. “Get it out of your system now, Alex. Don't fuck this up. Dallas might seem worth it right now, but she won't be when everything comes crashing down and you're left with nothing—including her.”