Page 39 of Sophie’s Ruin (Crimson and Shadows #2)

“We can be together now,” the darkness whispered. “Without him standing in our way.”

A piercing sob escaped as I looked down at Henry.

He lay unmoving in my arms, his beautiful blue eyes open but unseeing.

So much blood. His blood was soaking my clothes and seeping into my skin.

I knew I would never be able to wash it away.

It would forever stain my body and my soul.

I trembled as I stared down at him and wept, my tears landing on his perfect face.

He hadn’t decayed like the others, and I didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse.

It was a blessing because he hadn’t turned to dust, drifting through my fingers.

I could still hold him in my arms. But it was also a curse, all for the same reason, because he was still here as if there was something I could do to bring him back.

I knew I couldn’t—his heart wasn’t beating.

It had stopped—I’d stopped it with my terrible magic.

When the darkness wrapped around my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me, I flinched away and shouted in a raw voice, “Get away from me! I don’t want to be with you! I only want to be with him!”

The darkness recoiled at my outburst but didn’t leave, lingering nearby.

“The heartbreak you’re feeling right now is temporary,” it whispered. “It will pass, but the power I offer you will last forever if only you give in.”

“Forever?” I rasped, and the darkness whispered back a confirmation. “Forever means nothing if Henry is not by my side. I don’t want forever without him.”

“Foolish girl,” the darkness seethed. “You don’t understand your potential. You’re stronger than most.”

“You’re wrong. I’m weak. I’m weak without him.”

I was weak, wasn’t I? I’d let the darkness warp my mind. I’d lost sight of who I was, and that had cost Henry his life, because he’d fought for me even when I hadn’t been worth fighting for.

Perhaps I should give in and let the darkness swallow me whole.

After all, there was nothing left for me in this world if Henry was no longer in it.

Maybe if I gave in, the darkness would take away the pain.

It would consume my soul, and without it, I wouldn’t feel like my heart had been carved out of my chest. I would feel very little, if anything at all.

“Yes, give in,” the darkness hissed, inching closer to where I was sitting on the ground, clutching Henry’s body to mine.

I curled into him, trying to hide from the darkness, looking for his protection even though he could no longer offer it. Shadows swarmed around me, heavy and dark. Squeezing my eyes shut, I buried my head in Henry’s chest, right above the gnarly wound I’d inflicted.

“Leave him. Come with me,” came the darkness’s eerie whisper in my ear.

Leave him? I would not leave him. I would remain here with him until the sun rose and turned us both to dust. We would go into the void together, where I would beg for his forgiveness. I would beg for eternity if I had to.

The shadows around me thickened, churning faster, creating a vortex.

They were trying to urge me to move, to let go of Henry’s body.

The merciless wind lashed at me, tearing at my clothes and whipping my hair.

It felt like being in the middle of a storm.

I sat unmoving, curled into Henry, my head on his hard chest. Focusing on his scent, I breathed him in and let the roaring sounds around me fade into the background.

I created a cocoon around us in my mind, an impenetrable shield that protected us from the storm raging on the outside.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed as I sat there, holding Henry and listening to my own breathing and the beating of my heart.

I didn’t care, either. The sun would rise soon and put me out of my misery.

Its warm rays would burn my skin and disintegrate my flesh and bones.

I would welcome death because that was the only end I deserved after what I’d done.

Thump.

My breath snagged in my throat. I went incredibly still as I listened, shutting out the sound of my own heart. The thump I’d just heard…I was desperate to hear it again. I would do anything to hear it again, but silence reigned.

Must have been my imagination. I let the air whoosh out of my lungs. My mind was playing tricks on me.

Thump.

My eyes flew open, and I lifted my head from Henry’s chest. Thick shadows still churned around us, but the wind had died down.

The darkness had changed its tactic. It was being gentle now, licking my skin and caressing my hair.

I ignored it, as all my attention zeroed in on Henry.

His eyes were still glassy and unseeing, and I couldn’t bear the sight of his empty gaze.

With a shaking hand, I reached up and lowered his eyelids.

Doing so brought some relief, because now I could pretend he was simply asleep and not…

dead. A whimpering sound escaped as another wave of tears swept me under.

Violent sobs racked me for a few minutes until I got ahold of myself, taking a few steadying breaths.

Trembling slightly, I lowered my head to Henry’s chest again.

His skin was cooler than usual when I placed my cheek on the spot above the wound.

Closing my eyes, I stilled and listened as I prayed.

I wasn’t sure I believed in any gods, but at that moment, I prayed to all of them.

I begged them to bring him back to me. Silence stretched, and I’d never loathed quiet so much in my life.

My own heart beat loud in my chest, and I hated the sound.

Mine was not the heartbeat I wanted to hear.

I wished I could rip my heart out of my chest and give it to Henry so he could live. He deserved to live more than I did.

Thump.

A strangled cry erupted from me.

Henry’s heart was strong and relentless like he was. Strong and relentless and…beating.

I lifted my head from his chest and opened my eyes.

“Stay away from me!” I hissed at the darkness, staring into the pitch-black shadows that surrounded us.

“Your soul is mine!” the darkness hissed back like a serpent.

“It’s not, nor will it ever be! My soul belongs to him! I belong to him, with him, and he belongs with me!”

“You need me…”

“I don’t need you! I have everything I need right here in my arms.”

I gathered Henry closer to me and squeezed my eyes shut, as I imagined where I wanted to go—the cellar at the Duval Estate.

My magic poured from my pores, enveloping Henry and me.

The darkness hissed and screeched, sensing I was about to escape.

It latched on to me as hundreds of tiny sharp hooks burrowed into my skin and pulled on my hair, preventing me from glimmering out.

A shout tore from my throat as I fought against the darkness, thrashing in its hold.

There is a light inside you. My mother’s words invaded my mind.

I can see it, came Henry’s voice from another memory.

The light…it still burned inside me. It could help free me from the darkness’s hold.

All I had to do was let it out. Gritting my teeth, I imagined feeding that light like a fire, blowing on the flames until they burned brighter and brighter.

Warmth flared in my chest, radiating outward, and the darkness shrieked, recoiling from me as if burned by the light.

Its blood-curdling screech was the last thing I heard before I glimmered to the Duval Estate.

When I appeared in the softly lit cellar, Isabelle was there, and her brown eyes widened as they locked on Henry’s limp form in my arms.

“Is he…” she gasped.

“No, but he needs blood,” I told her, lowering him to the stone floor.

My mind flashed back to the other night when I’d done the same after rescuing him from the clans. Then, he’d needed blood because of the torture he’d endured from Moreau. This time, I was the monster who’d caused his pain and suffering.

Isabelle rushed to the crates of blood and dragged one closer to Henry. She then lowered to her knees by his side and pulled a blood bag out of the crate.

“I can’t hear his heartbeat,” she said, her voice shaking.

Her eyes were filled with tears when her gaze shot to mine.

“His heart is beating, just barely,” I replied, my own voice strained.

Without another word, Isabelle ripped open the bag and brought it to Henry’s parted lips. When she tried to pour some of the blood into his mouth, it bubbled up and spilled out because he wasn’t swallowing it.

“Please,” Isabelle whispered. “Please, drink. Please,” she chanted the word like a prayer.

She looked so small and fragile, like a little girl on the verge of losing her big brother.

“What happened?” she asked, lifting her red-rimmed eyes back to mine.

“I…I…” I stuttered as tiny tremors shook my body. “He was trying to stop me from killing Yvonne, and I—”

“You did this to him?!” Isabelle snarled.

Gone was the little girl I’d glimpsed a moment ago, as red-hot fury flashed in her eyes.

She lunged at me, her clawed hands wrapping around my throat, but froze when a strangled noise left Henry.

We both looked down just in time to see his chest heave on a sharp inhale as he swallowed the blood that had pooled in his mouth.

In the blink of an eye, Isabelle let go of me and bent down to her brother.

“Here,” she said gently, as she cradled his head and gave him more blood.

“What’s going on down here?” came Wren’s voice as he walked into the cellar.

He froze right on the other side of the threshold. Pale-blue eyes darted to Henry before fastening on me.

“What happened?” he asked low.

“She did this to him!” Isabelle growled over her shoulder, and I flinched.

Henry coughed, choking on the blood and I involuntarily reached for him.

“Don’t,” Isabelle snarled at me. “Don’t touch him. Get out!”

I curled my fingers into a fist and lowered my hand.

“Get out!” Isabelle screamed, jarring me into action.

With preternatural ease, I jumped to my feet and swept from the room, passing shocked Wren on the way out.

Powerful magic blasted into me the moment I stepped into the hall. With a sharp cry, I went down on one knee, bracing my hand on the floor for support. White Witches surrounded me, with Celeste standing closest to me, her arm lifted as magic poured out of her open hand.

“Please,” I managed to get out through gritted teeth.

My breathing was coming in short, rapid pants as Celeste’s magic bore down on me, constricting my chest and pressing me lower to the ground.

“Celeste—” Amelie said meekly, stepping closer to the witch.

“Don’t,” Celeste warned her. “Her magic is dark. We need to detain her.”

“I left the darkness behind,” I bit out, straining against Celeste’s powers.

“Am I supposed to believe that?” she challenged.

“Yes,” I rasped. “I hurt Henry—” My voice broke as tears surged and spilled.

Celeste’s eyes widened as Amelie paled next to her.

“Let her go,” the young witch said. “She’s clearly distraught.”

“She’s dangerous,” Celeste insisted.

“I don’t think she is. Not anymore,” Amelie said, as she stepped closer to me and lowered to her knees.

I felt the pressure of Celeste’s magic gradually alleviate until it disappeared entirely. The crushing weight was still there, though, pushing me to the ground. It was the weight of what I’d done to Henry.

Amelie’s features were blurry through my tears as she stared at me with empathy on her freckled face.

“Are you okay?” she asked low.

I shook my head “no” and crumpled to the ground, where I curled into a ball and wept.