Page 39

Chapter

Twelve

Gray.

Gray buildings, gray roads, gray sky, it seemed the whole world was gray this morning.

Eli thought that was perfect.

He felt gray inside, so it was fitting that the world around him represent how he felt.

Florence.

Everywhere he looked he saw her, it didn't seem possible that she had only been in his life for eleven days.

Eleven days, but it felt like a lifetime.

In such a short amount of time, she’d become everything to him.

He’d been planning his life with her, he’d been picturing their wedding day and how stunning she’d look in her wedding gown, he’d thought about where he’d take her for their honeymoon.

He’d dreamed about touching her stomach as their baby moved inside of her, and holding her hand while she was in labor.

He’d actually looked forward to busy years where they balanced work, kids’ schedules, and time together.

Everything had been perfect.

Until it hadn't.

Now he’d lost her, and it felt like he was dead inside.

How had she made such a significant impact on him in such a short amount of time?

Had he really been in love with her or had he been caught up in the romance of it all? He’d saved her life, maybe that had impacted how he’d seen her, romanticized the whole thing.

He’d wanted so badly to find someone to share his life with, and Florence had been the only woman he could see himself marrying, but did that mean he was in love with her?

Something bounced off his head, and he swung his chair around from facing the window to find Elliot standing behind him.

“What are you doing?” he asked irritably, picking up a scrunched up piece of paper that was on his lap, he wasn't in the mood for people today.

Well, any person except Florence.

“Trying to get your attention,” Elliot replied, dropping into the chair on the other side of the desk. “What’s with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re in an awful mood, I can only assume this has something to do with the mysterious Florence—who you’re yet to introduce us to by the way.”

“That’s not going to happen,” he muttered, turning his attention to the stack of papers on his desk that needed his attention. He wasn't in the mood to work, but it was the only way he could keep his mind off Florence.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Then what has you in this mood?”

With a sigh, Eli shoved away from the desk and raked his hands through his hair. “We broke up.”

“You broke up?”

“Yeah.”

“You going to elaborate?”

May as well. Wasn't like he could make things worse by talking about it, who knows, maybe Elliot would say something that could help him get over Florence.

“Florence’s childhood was rough, her dad wasn't in the picture, and her mother drank and slept around a lot. One of the mom’s boyfriends was a serial killer, you’ve probably heard of him, he sedated and buried alive little girls.

Florence was one of them. Only she didn't get the full dose of drugs and was able to get away. The killer was obsessed with her and has been stalking her all these years. Yesterday morning he made his move. Florence and I had spent the night together, but she went back to her apartment to change and he was waiting for her. I walked in, and he had a gun on her. He was ranting and raving, and she put herself between me and the killer. He shot at us, and she shot him, tackled him, and cuffed him.”

“That’s quite a story.” Elliot’s eyes were wide, but then his brow crinkled in confusion. “But I don’t get why you broke up.”

“Because she could have died.”

“Okay,” Elliot said slowly.

“She’s a cop, she has some sort of death wish, and I've already lost enough people that I love. I'm not going to be with her and stand on the sidelines waiting for her to get herself killed.”

“I'm not following you.”

“She nearly died as a child, I guess it messed her up.” Maybe it had been unwise of him to get involved with someone who had been through so many traumatic experiences.

What did he know about helping someone cope with trauma?

His family had been as close to perfect as a family could be, he’d never had to worry about paying his bills or not being able to get anything he wanted, Florence had been correct when she’d said they had nothing in common.

“I don’t get that impression.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t sound like she has a death wish at all.

In fact the opposite. She had a rough start in life, could have turned to alcohol like her mother, or drugs.

She could have turned to prostitution to pay her bills.

Instead, she overcame her upbringing, went to college, and got a job where she saves lives.

Despite having every reason not to trust men—not to trust anyone—she was willing to give you a chance.

I'm guessing that was hard for her given everything that you’ve already said about her.

She was nearly killed, yet she got on a plane with you—a virtual stranger—and went to another country, which must have been a huge leap of faith. ”

He hadn't thought about it like that, but Elliot was probably right, she had every reason not to trust him and yet despite her fears, she’d given him a shot.

He’d promised her that she could trust him, that he wasn't going anywhere, that he would fight for her and for them, and yet he’d walked away.

Just like everyone else in her life.

Just like she had been afraid he would.

While Eli hated that he had broken his promise, he hadn't seen any way around it.

And still didn't.

“So that’s it? It’s just over between you two?”

“Yes. What else can I do? I asked her to quit her job, I make more than enough to support her and buy her anything she wants.”

“You asked her to quit her job?” Elliot exclaimed.

“I’ve lost everyone in my family, I can't lose anyone else.”

“You can't ask her to quit her job.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s ridiculously unreasonable. What’s she supposed to do with her time? Wasn't she already concerned about you two coming from two different worlds? Asking her to sit around and be your trophy wife doesn’t sound like the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”

“I don’t expect her to be my trophy wife.” He pouted.

“Then what do you expect? Does she love her job?”

“Yes.”

“Does it help her deal with what happened to her by saving others?”

“Yes.”

“Then if you love her, how can you ask her to give that up?”

“Did you miss the part where a serial killer was stalking her and held her hostage at gunpoint? Her job is dangerous, I can't be with someone whose job is all about putting themselves in danger.”

“But the serial killer was from her past. Nothing to do with her job. That could have happened no matter who she was or what she did,” Elliot reasoned.

Okay, so he didn't have a good argument to that. “I knew that she was in danger, Elliot, and I let her go back there alone. I practically threw her into that situation.”

“So, this is about you and your guilt.”

“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“You want to know what I think?”

“Do I?”

Elliot chuckled. “I think that you’re being stupid.

You’re throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you because you're being stubborn and unreasonable.

I know that our experiences shape us. Susannah almost walked away from what we had because of hers, she let it cloud her thinking, get in between us, she thought she was doing the right thing in that moment, but when she really looked at it, she realized that nothing was worth ruining what we had.

You're going to regret this. I understand you're afraid of losing another person you love, that must be terrifying, but cutting things off with Florence before you can fall any further in love and possibly lose her is going to be your biggest regret.”

Eli didn't even have to wonder if that was true.

It had been less than twenty-four hours since they broke up, and he already regretted it.

The problem was whether loving her and watching her die was worth the risk.

“I can't imagine my life without Susannah, Bessie, and Jakey in it. The thought of losing any of them makes me sick, but when it boils down to it, I'd rather love them and lose them than never have loved them at all.”

“That’s deep,” he said with a half-smile. He wasn't used to seeing the man who had been his playmate as a child, and had a reputation as being hard and rude be so sensitive and introspective.

“Being in love does that to you. No one can make this decision for you, Eli, but as a man who saw the whole world differently once I met Susannah, let me just tell you that it’s worth it.

Whatever you have to do, do it. Whatever you have to deal with, deal with it.

Whatever you have to come to terms with, come to terms with it.

Don’t let the best thing that is ever going to happen to you slip away.

Don’t be Florence’s savior, her hero, and then be the man who destroyed her. ”

Elliot stood and left his office, leaving Eli staring after him.

It wasn't him who had the power to destroy her it was Florence who held the power to destroy him.

Could he risk it?

Could he really ever think it was better to love her and lose her than not love her at all?

10:57 A.M.

She was sick of moping.

All Florence had done since she got home yesterday was mope.

She’d slept a little, but her dreams kept being punctuated with images of Eli. His charming smile, his cocky attitude, his lips which possessed the ability to make her body and her mind turn to jell-o.

She missed him.

Missed him with every ounce of her being.

It felt like she was missing half of her soul. She felt empty, walking around as only half a person was awful. She couldn’t think, couldn’t settle to anything, she wasn't hungry even though she hadn't eaten since the ice cream date in Eli’s penthouse.

This was ridiculous.