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“So it’s been a bad week. I haven't ever been in any situations like this before. Look, Eli, I do understand why you’d worry, but that’s not usually what my job is like. I can't give it up, Eli, it’s part of who I am.”

“Because of your past. It’s like you have a death wish.”

“A death wish?” she echoed incredulously. “I do not have a death wish, why would you even think that?”

“Maybe because of your past. Everything you’ve been through, your dad leaving, your mom being a non-functioning alcoholic, the Coffin Killer, being assaulted by your mom’s boyfriend.”

“None of that means I have a death wish. If anything, it made me want to live because I had to fight to build a life, I didn't have wealthy parents give me everything I ever wanted and hand me a multi-million dollar company to run. I didn't have anyone there for me when I was a child, there was no one to care about what happened to me, that’s what made me want to be a cop. I remember the ones who were there for me after Toby tried to kill me. They held my hand, let me cry without screaming at me for making too much noise, they cared, and that showed me that there were people out there who cared about others. That’s why I like my job, do you know how many children just like me I’ve been able to help?

I can make a difference in those kids’ lives not just by finding who hurt their mom or dad or sibling, but by caring about them. How can you ask me to give that up?”

“How can you ask me to be with you and watch you walk out the door every day knowing you might not walk back? Don’t you know that it would kill me to lose another person I love?” This was spinning out of control and he didn't know how to get things back under control.

“You knew what my job was when you asked me out the first time.”

Raking his hands through his hair he took a deep breath, tried to breathe through the suffocating terror that the idea of losing Florence induced.

“I know you love your job, and you’re amazing at it.

The best cop in the city—the country—I'm not discounting your ability or your passion, I just didn't realize the risks you took. Putting yourself in the line of fire with a crazy man holding a gun, that’s going above and beyond.”

“I put myself in the line of fire because you were the intended target.” Her eyes were watery with unshed tears.

“So you're choosing your job over me? Over us?”

“You’re the one making it a choice, I don’t see it that way.”

“I can't lose you,” he said. This was killing him, but right now he didn't see any other option. Losing his brother, then his mother, then his father, then giving up custody of his nephew had about killed him, he’d lost enough, and he couldn’t go through that again.

At least ending things now would be a clean break, he wouldn’t have to walk around every day with a knot of anxiety in his stomach wondering whether he would be receiving a phone call informing him Florence was dead.

“So this is it? You're just leaving?” Florence demanded.

He could see the hurt in her eyes and knew that he was breaking his promise to her that she was worth fighting for. He was proving to her that she was right, that no one stuck around, that everyone walked out of your life sooner or later.

This felt like a mistake, but the facts were he just couldn’t cope with losing another person he loved, and Florence risked her life every single day.

“I'm leaving,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, Florence.”

Eli reached for her, but she backed away from him. She shook her head like she couldn’t believe this was happening and then turned her back on him.

“I really am sorry,” he said. He held out his hand, holding it just above her head but not making contact, then with feet that felt like lead and a heart that ached, he turned and walked out of her hospital room, leaving her behind.

3:42 P.M.

It had been a crazy ten days.

Meeting Eli, flying to Florence for the day, adding to her tattoo, catching the Dumpster Killer, finally closing the Coffin Killer case, falling in love, and then having it all fall through her fingers.

Florence felt drained.

All she wanted to do was go home, climb into bed, hide under the covers, and try to find her equilibrium again.

“You know you’re more than welcome to come and stay with us for a while,” Jake told her, casting a glance her way.

“I know, you offered like ten times already,” she reminded him.

“I know, just want to make sure you know that you don’t have to go home alone.”

It wasn't that she didn't appreciate that her partner was trying to look out for her, he knew that she and Eli were over and that dealing with the man who had nearly ended her life before her ninth birthday had taken an emotional toll on her, but what she really needed right now was just to be by herself.

She needed to try to sort things out, process her emotions, and find a way to get past them.

This was precisely why she had decided if she was ever going to get involved with someone it would be a man who was nice and boring and could never break her heart.

She’d known better than to get involved with Eli.

It was why she had fought against her feelings.

Eli had been destined to destroy her. He was way out of her league, he came from another world, it wasn't his fault, just like it wasn't hers, but if she’d been thinking clearly and not allowed her heart to interfere with her head, she would have known that it could never work.

Not even love was enough to conquer such high obstacles.

What was love?

Did she even believe in it?

Florence wasn't sure she did.

Okay, she loved her brother, and she’d thought she loved Eli, but what did she know?

Her father hadn't loved her mother or her and Fletcher enough to hang around.

Her mother hadn't loved her and her brother enough to make sure they had even the basics of life. None of her mother’s boyfriends had loved her for anything more than someone to sleep with and pass the time away with.

And Eli hadn't loved her enough to stay and fight for her even though he’d promised that he would.

Love was a lie.

It didn't exist.

“Hey.” Jake reached over and gently touched her shoulder. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” she said on a sigh, fighting back tears because she didn't cry in front of people.

Her mom hadn't been a fan of tears, and crying only earned you a beating and being kicked out of the trailer for the night.

Maybe that was why the cops who had worked her attempted murder case had made such an impact on her.

They hadn't minded her tears, they’d just held her, let her cry, then they'd offered comforting words and given her a teddy bear so she had someone to tell her fears to.

She still had that bear tucked away safely in the top of her closet.

“We truly don’t mind you staying with us for a few days. Even just for tonight,” Jake added as he pulled the car up in front of her building. Obviously, he didn't believe her when she said she was doing okay, and to be honest, she was too tired to try to convince him.

“I just need some time alone right now,” she told him. “Thanks for getting CSU wrapped up and out of here today so I can come back here.”

“Of course. You’ll call if you need anything.” It was a statement, not a question, so Florence nodded, knowing she would never call her partner, but she didn't want to be rude because Jake was going out of his way to look out for her.

“Thanks, Jake, for everything.” She offered him a small smile as she reached for the door handle.

“Anytime. I'm here for you, breaking up sucks, no matter how long you’ve been together.”

“Yeah, it does,” she agreed. “See you next week.” Her boss had ordered her to take the remainder of the week off, and she had no idea what she was going to do with herself.

“Try to get some rest, things will look better in the morning,” Jake told her as she climbed out of the car.

Somehow Florence doubted that.

In the morning she still wouldn’t be with Eli, and that was what was making her feel like someone had taken her heart and shredded it into a million pieces.

Knowing that Jake would sit and watch until she was inside her building, she hurried in out of the freezing wind. Not in the mood to wait for the lift, Florence trudged up the stairs to her floor and then found herself hesitating at her door.

This was ridiculous.

No one was going to be waiting inside for her.

Although part of her hoped that Eli had realized he’d made a mistake and had stopped by here to hash things out and make up.

With a deep sigh, she opened her door and stepped inside pausing to scan the room, searching for any signs of a person hiding in the shadows.

There was none of course, and it annoyed her that she even had to think about it.

She didn't like that her home had been breached like that.

Toby hadn't just held a gun on her, he’d taken her safe place and made it feel no longer safe.

Maybe she should have stayed with Jake tonight.

No.

The way to face problems was head-on.

That was the way she had approached every other problem in her life.

Her phone dinged, and hope pinged through her as she fished it out of her purse.

Her hope was dashed when she saw the text was from her brother and not Eli.

When was this hoping that she was going to see him and hear from him going to pass?

She’d never been in love before, she’d been too afraid that she would end up in the very position she found herself in right now.

Since she’d hardly responded to him after meeting Eli and she felt bad about it, she locked the door behind her, then sank down into her favorite armchair and read his text.

Fletcher

Hey, little sis, I'm worried about you

you're not yourself lately what’s up?

Florence

Sorry, it’s been a crazy couple of weeks

Fletcher

I already heard from Jake so

consider that before you think

about lying to me

Florence couldn’t help but smile at that. That was one of the things she loved most about her brother, he was a straight shooter, he never beat around the bush, and he expected the same from her.

Florence

How much did he tell you?

Fletcher

Everything

You need me to come up there and beat

this Eli guy up for you?

Florence

While I appreciate the offer I'm okay

Fletcher

You want me to come up and hang out with you?

Florence

That’s sweet, Fletch, but I'm exhausted

I'm just going to crash and I'm sure

things will look better in the morning

Fletcher

I'm worried about you

Florence

You don’t have to

Fletcher

Can't help it, little sister

Jake said you're off work till next week

I can't come tomorrow but the next day

I'm driving up to see you

We’ll hang out, do anything you want

You can talk if you want to but you don’t have to

She could say no, insist that she was fine on her own, but in reality she wasn't.

She did need someone right now, it felt like life had tossed her into the middle of the ocean without a life vest.

She needed a life vest.

Spending a little time with her brother would help.

Florence

Okay, that sounds nice

Fletcher

Love you, Florence, and call if you need anything

Florence

Love you too

And I will

As she put her phone down, she couldn’t help but smile.

Most of her life she’d felt all alone in the world, but she wasn't completely alone. She had her brother who had been by her side through so much. They’d raided dumpsters together in search of food scraps, and snuggled together to stave off hypothermia when they’d had to sleep outside in the forest because their mother had kicked them out so they didn't interrupt her night with her current lover. And now she had Jake, he’d offered to open up his home to her, and cared enough to reach out to her brother to update him on everything that had happened.

Her life wasn't all bad.

She’d get over Eli, her heart would mend, and she’d come out of it stronger than she’d been before.

But right now she needed a good cry.

Needed to expel all those emotions swirling around inside her, threatening to well up and choke her.

Pushing herself out of the chair, she went through to her bedroom and stretched up onto her tiptoes to find the teddy bear the cops had given her when she was eight.

Taking it with her to the bed, she curled up under the covers, and clutching the bear in her arms, she stopped holding back the tears.

They flowed down her cheeks, puddling on her pillow, it had been so long since she’d last cried, not since she was sixteen and been violated by her mother’s boyfriend, and half a lifetime of bundled up pain came flooding out.