Page 17

Seeing how Tash had been so attentive to Sophia showed me how nurturing she was. I always wanted a nurturing woman. My foster mother, Brittany’s mother, was a nurturing woman. She showed me what a woman was by the way she took care of us and gave us everything we needed at the exact moment we needed it. I never had to worry about not being taken care of when she was around.

My foster mother was the type of mother that fixed your sandwiches and cut the edges off of them or folded your clothes before you even got in the room. She never got mad at me or got mad at herself as far as I could remember.

Brittany’s pops was another story. He was a hard man that I didn’t appreciate until I was a man myself. He stayed on my ass, but what I didn’t know back then was that it was for my own good.

I always wondered if my own mother had been nurturing, but she'd left me at the hospital the day I was born. I had never met her to this day. I didn’t even know her name, so I guess she couldn’t have been too nurturing. She didn't have the time to raise me or at the very least come around and make sure I was all right. Because of her, I searched for a mother’s love in every woman I met, including Brittany.

Now, there was Tash, and she came in and filled spaces of my life that I didn't even know were empty. How naturally loving she was made me gravitate to her. Sometimes, the real simple things she did showed me how much she cared. I never needed her to say the words.

Walking from my room, I walked to the laundry room to put my clothes in the washer. I’d planned on doing it the night before but forgot. Still, it had to be done before I left the house today, and since I was getting ready to go, I headed that way before I forgot again.

I couldn’t find the clothes when I made it to the laundry room. I knew I’d left them there in the same basket that was sitting on top of the dryer empty. Leaving the laundry room, I searched for Tash to ask her if she’d seen them. I hated people moving my shit. Tash and Sophia were sitting on the couch watching Law and Order.

“Hey, have you seen my clothes? I know I had them by the washer. I was gonna wash today.”

“Yeah. I already washed and folded them for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” I was instantly annoyed, but I didn’t want to be. It was my feelings for her that had me on edge. What I was feeling for Tasha wasn’t normal, and every little thing she did to bring us closer scared the shit out of me.

“I know, but I wanted to.”

That should have sounded sweet to my ears, but instead, it sounded dangerous. Almost like a threat. I knew I had to make a decision, but which would it be? I could either try to understand what I was feeling for her or push the feelings to the side.

Tash wasn’t with me because we had some kind of love connection. I forced her to be here. She came to me seeking help from an abusive husband. Who’s to say once Tyson was out of the picture she wouldn’t choose to leave?

Maybe she was scared to leave my house because she knew Tyson was out there somewhere. His ass still hadn’t stopped looking for her, but he knew as long as she was with me, there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to get her back. Once I eliminated him, what would keep her tethered to me?

Her leaving would serve me right. It would be a clear sign that I didn’t deserve her. I had terrorized the world both in the states and abroad. I didn’t expect to be loved or to live a happy life. I especially didn’t deserve to be loved by a woman I’d kidnapped and separated from her brother.

I needed to break the hold Tash had on me, but with her doing shit like washing my clothes for the hell of it, it wouldn’t be easy. I needed to rid myself of Tash immediately before my feelings got too out of hand.

“I don’t need you washing my clothes or cooking my fucking food. We ain’t some happy family living in a house on a hill with a white picket fence and a barking ass dog.” I snapped before heading back upstairs.

I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth, but that didn’t change the fact that they needed to be said. I had to be the one to put an end to whatever the fuck this was because it was obvious Tash wasn’t going to do it. I gave her the opportunity to leave with the deputy. I was sure it caught her off guard at first, but with us pulling right up beside him at the store, I felt like it was fate.

She was destined to go home, and I was destined to go to jail. I’d beat one case. Maybe kidnapping her would be the thing that took me down. When I told her to go in the store by herself, I was sure she would fold. The fact that she didn’t and was still here had me confused.