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I didn’t mean to say as much as I did, but it was too late to take the shit back now. I don’t know what it was about Natasha that made her so easy to talk to, but I didn’t feel the same regret I felt after talking to anybody else about Brittany.

Anytime I tried to talk about my best friend in the past, the words would get stuck in the back of my throat. Even the mandatory therapy the army had forced on me didn’t help because I never felt comfortable with any of the doctors they assigned to my case. I didn’t know why I felt comfortable enough to tell Tash something that I had been holding in for years.

Maybe it was the fact that her voice was so soft that whenever she spoke I felt safe, or maybe it was how her eyes told me she cared before her mouth said a word. Not even Tone, who also grew up with Brittany, knew how much her death had affected me. I was sure he knew it hurt, but we’d never talked about it.

I didn’t even make it to her funeral because I was still in the hospital recovering from my own wounds. I was so close to the explosion that shrapnel littered my body. I wish we would have died together on that battlefield, but I had no such luck. Knowing a funeral had been held for my best friend and I didn’t get to attend it fucked me up even more.

Taking every emotion I felt out on Tash’s pussy was the only option I had. I’d been holding in so much since the day I lost Brittany that releasing it was what I needed more than anything. I’d never known a love that felt romantic, but maybe what I had with Brittany was that. Maybe it was more than that.

I didn’t have a lot of memories of my childhood that didn’t involve Britt. She wasn’t one of the boys, but you couldn’t tell her that. She ran just as fast and held her own on the basketball court. She was harder than most of the niggas that went to our high school, which was probably why I never looked at her that way.

I would be lying if I said I only saw Brittany as a sister. It was hard to do that because she was beautiful. Her face was perfect, and even though her slim-thick frame was mostly hidden behind the baggy clothes she wore, you couldn’t hide an ass like hers. I stayed beating ass behind her, but she never cared for the attention she got naturally. Tone was the only nigga I saw her talking to outside of me, and it was never on that type of time.

I didn’t plan to reconnect with Brittany overseas, but I was happy we did. Seeing her again rocked my world. Not only had we grown up, but the feelings between us had also matured. We didn’t even get to explore the strong connection we felt before she was taken from me. After she was gone, I wished I wouldn’t have wasted so much time.

Pulling myself from my thoughts of Britt, I finished getting dressed and searched the house for Tash. I was going to take her outside today. I owed her a debt for letting me get that shit off my chest. I planned to pay it by taking her outside for a while. It had been a minute since the last time she tried to escape, and since she mentioned being inside all the time was a problem, I wanted to fix it.

When I found her, she was sitting in the window seat in her room looking out the window. Tash was naturally gorgeous, but the way the sun was shined over her whole body made her look godly.

“Fuck,” I let out against my will.

Finally noticing me standing in the doorway, she turned her head my way, and I didn’t miss the sad look on her face. She had been crying, but she tried to wipe the tears before I could see them. Seeing that gave me an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t trying to be something else Natasha had to heal from, but I’d already put myself in that category.

“Take a walk with me.”

“We’re going outside?”

She beamed as the sun peeping through the window shined on her face. I could tell by the sweet scent that filled her room and the robe she was still wrapped in that Tash was fresh out of the shower. Looking at her, I wanted to give her a reason to hop right back in there.

“Yeah. I heard somebody was tired of being locked in the house.”

“Okay. Let me finish getting dressed.” She giggled, getting up from the window seat and walking over to the dresser. “I won’t be long.”

Between the time I had Tash picked up from the courthouse and now, I’d filled every drawer with things I knew she would need. She now had a whole wardrobe at my house, and if there was anything else she needed, all she had to do was say the word. Still, I knew that didn’t make being locked up here any easier.

“Take all the time you need, but wear something you don’t mind getting dirty.”

“Why does it sound like you trying to put me to work?”

I laughed at the genuinely confused look on her face.

“Nah. I want to take you mud riding.”

“Oh, I always wanted to do that but never knew anyone with a four wheeler.”

“Well, I have two ATVs. You can ride by yourself if you want to.”

“I’ll just get on with you.”

“Scary ass.” I smiled at how innocent she looked as she stood there with her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

She stopped me before I could leave.

“Solo, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t know what she would ask but I did owe her.

“Is my brother dead? Please, tell me if he is. Not knowing is killing me.”

I realized I never told her what happened to Rebel. Originally, I was using it as something to keep her in line. Then I honestly just forgot. I had so much going on that Rebel had become the least of my problems. I knew he would be alright.

“Nah. He’s alive. I didn’t hurt your brother.”

“Oh my God. Thank you so much.”

The tears formed in her eyes again.

“Is that why you were crying?”

“Rebel is all I have. I can’t lose him because I chose the wrong man. My little brother deserves better than that.”

“Okay. Well, I made sure you won’t lose him. I’ll wait for you downstairs.”

Tash had been getting me to open up in ways I never had before. After what happened in Afghanistan, there was little motivation for me to get close to anybody else. I spent so much time getting to know Brittany and everything about her that when I lost her, I didn't know how to feel or what to do. Losing her the way I did was unbearable. It made me feel like there was something I could have done to save her.

My house was on four and a half acres, and Tash wanted to see every inch of it. She was in awe when I showed her the greenhouse, but I think her favorite section was where I were planned to build the entertainment for my family compound.

I’d never had a biological family, but whenever I did, I planned to keep them close for as long as I could. The compound I wanted to build would consist of four houses with a basketball court, movie theater, and event hall. I even wanted us to grow all of our own food.

When Tash was tired of walking, we made the rest of the tour on the ATV. It didn’t take me long to show her everything I thought was worth seeing. She was torn between seeing more and hitting the trails. I planned to take her on every one of them before we ended the ride with a trip to the store in case she wanted to grab something.

I loved being the only house for miles, but that also meant going to a store was a trip. Tash and I had been riding for a solid hour before we came to the road that would lead us into town. I regretted having her unravel her arms from my waist as we came to a stop in front. Just my luck a deputy car pulled up right beside us.

I felt Tash getting off the back and watched as she tried to clean some of the mud from her hair and clothes. My first reaction was to lock eyes with her. Finally looking up and connecting the dots, she looked from me to the officer. The ball was in her court. She could easily walk up to the cop and tell him everything. She’d be free, and I would be on my way back to jail.