Page 14 of Solid

My phone vibrated with a call from Sonny, and it caught me so off guard it took me some time to answer. When I did, I stood and headed outside.

“Yeah?”

“You not dropping the kids back off, are you? I won’t be home for a while.” He must have been clocking our movements on the camera.

“What’s a while? But nah, I’m not. I brought them back so they can get a few things to take to your mom’s house.”

He released a sigh of relief. “I’m surprised she even took them.”

“Is there something I need to be aware of? I wanted to help not put them in a worse situation.”

“It’s not that.” He paused. “I’m not close to my family, that’s why I haven’t had help. They didn’t agree with how I grieved the kids’ mom and raised them, so I cut them out of our lives. Their mom, Felicia, died when Miley was three. Both pregnancies were hard, and I didn’t want to try for another baby, but she insisted.

“She lost her life trying to give birth, and I still ain’t forgave her for that.” The bitter chuckle he released softened me toward him and his situation. “Them kids look just like her, man. Especially Miley. I don’t be around because I hate looking at them and seeing her. She willingly left me with two kids to raise, and I don’t knowwhatthe fuck to do.”

“I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult things have been for all of you. Have you tried counseling?”

“Nah. I doubt if that would work.”

“I would say you owe it to your kids to try, but more than that, you owe it to yourself. Your resentment and anger toward your wife are understandable, but I don’t think she’d want you living with it daily and unintentionally punishing your kids because of it. You lost your wife, but they lost their mama. Your feelings matter, but you need to get them under control so you can raise them and hold space for theirs too.”

He released a shaky breath that suggested he was crying. “I don’t know if I can do that, man. For real.”

“Are you willing to try?”

“Not right now. I don’t have the mental capacity. I took a vacation because I was working myself damn near to death. I can’t worry about them right now. I gotta focus on myself.”

“Well, like I said, I’m taking them back to your mama. And me and Jayla will help as much as we can.”

“I ’preciate that. I’ll uh . . . let you know when I’m on the way back home.”

“Aight, Sonny. Get some rest.”

Though I was glad he’d finally shared what was going on with him, it didn’t make me hopeful that things would change between them any time soon. I wanted to tell him he should have been grateful his wife left him with kids to remember her by, but I could also understand his anger toward her for risking her life to have another child, especially if he expressed that he didn’t want her to. I knew the value of legacy, and though I didn’t have kids of my own, I could understand why loving and desiring them so much made risking her life worth it to have another one. It was a fucked up situation all around. All I could do, was all I could do, for Mateo and Miley.

“Okay, Miss Anderson. I love you!”

Jayla pouted before it turned into a smile at the sound of Miley’s declaration. I was about to leave their grandma’s house when she called wanting to see them on FaceTime.

“I love you more, munchkin. I’m gonna come see you soon, okay?”

“Okay, bye!”

“Bye, my little nugget. Bye, Mateo. I love you too, my big nugget.”

Mateo blushed and tried to hide it by wiping his hands over his face. “Stop, Miss Anderson.”

“Are you blushing?” I teased, lowering his hands from his face.

“No!” he yelled, jogging backward toward the front door. “I love y’all too!”

I laughed as he slammed the door behind him then headed back to my car. I waited until I was inside to tell her about my conversation with Sonny.

When I was done, she said, “Damn. I couldn’t have imagined he was dealing with all that. Miley had told me her mom died and her baby brother did too, so I was aware of that, but I had no idea it was affecting him the way it was.”

“Yeah, and it makes a lot of things make sense too. Him avoiding them, not being active, not really caring for them. He’s taking his frustration and resentment out on them. I don’t thinkit’s intentional, but I’m also not sure he is capable right now of changing.”

“If that’s the case, maybe it’s for the best if he stays away from them.”