Page 9

Chapter 9

Hunter

I creep down the stairs, grazing my fingertips along the handrail as I go. The sun has barely started to rise, the soft morning light the only thing illuminating my path to the main level of the house.

I couldn’t sleep last night. Not until I knew Spence was okay.

Yesterday was a whirlwind, and each of us was weighed down with shock and stress. Despite the ire he caused, I believe in my heart of hearts that his intentions were pure.

I love him. I trust him. After yesterday’s upsetting events, I needed him to know that.

Mission accomplished. It soothed my soul as much as his to lie beside him all night. We needed that connection: that reminder of who we are, together.

Now I’m on to my next challenge: helping Greedy, Levi, and Sione deal with the fallout and come around to some semblance of peace around what happened.

Spence explained himself. He had information we didn’t have. He made a choice that we, as a group, may not have been able to make.

What’s done is done, and to his credit, the plan was a success. Magnolia’s appointments have been cleared for this week. For now, I’m safe. Thanks to Spence.

I pad through the kitchen, mulling over exactly how to pacify the others. I don’t want any of us to be at odds when a much larger threat looms over our happiness.

As I pass by the great room, the soft light streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows calls to me. I allow it to draw me in, positioning myself so close to the panes I feel the chilly morning air seep through the glass.

It’s probably best if I talk to the guys individually. Spence’s surprise deeply affected Greedy and Levi, and it pissed off Sione in a way I never thought possible.

I stifle a laugh when I think about just how angry he was. Although he remained cool and collected on the exterior, fury simmered just beneath the surface. To his credit, he knows my cycle better than even I do, so he didn’t believe for one second I was actually pregnant.

Pregnant .

The very idea shakes up a flurry of emotions inside me.

There’s fear—so much fear. Fear fueled by anxiety and grief. Fear that stems from experience. From having already suffered such a painful, unexpected loss.

A whole other kind of fear regarding what kind of parent I might be blossomed yesterday as well. How can I possibly be a good mother when my own mom is so self-centered and uncaring?

Magnolia is wretched and relentless in her selfish pursuits. She doesn’t deserve the title of mother. I detest her behavior, but I am her child. What if I’m more like her than I think? What if the evil living inside her, the traits that make her so ghastly, is a part of my DNA, too?

I shudder at the thought. With my arms wrapped around my torso, I focus on the soothing ripples of the lake and breathe evenly to clear my mind of all things Magnolia.

As I banish them, new, unwanted thoughts arise. My father loved me when I was a child, yet he abandoned me. Left me with my mother. Did he allow his disdain for Magnolia to tarnish his view of me as I got older? If so, I’m not sure I can ever forgive him.

A few angry tears escape from my eyes without my permission. He wasn’t an awful parent. He just… didn’t stick around. Maybe I’m just not worth sticking around for.

Because everything I love leaves.

No . I shake my head. That’s not true. Not anymore. There are four amazing men under this roof who have stayed. Who have stuck by my side. Who’ve fought for my healing and for our chance at making a good life together.

They won’t leave.

And I won’t run.

In my darkest moments, those are the truths I cling to.

In this moment, as I think about being pregnant, fear isn’t the only emotion brewing under the surface.

I’m curious, too. Intrigued by thoughts of how my body will change. Eager to discover what sort of joy might accompany all the stressors of parenthood.

I’m also hopeful. Hopeful that I can get pregnant again someday, and that the experience may help me heal wounds that still ache deep inside me. Hopeful that I will be a good mom. That my child will never know a day without love and laughter in their life.

Fear. Curiosity. Hope. They’re all there, under the surface.

Most prominently, though, there’s a desire that lives deep in my chest, where nothing and no one can change me. It’s the desire to experience pregnancy. The desire to create and grow new life. It’s a desire so biological, inevitable, and cosmological, it feels like destiny. Like it’s part of who I am, who I’m meant to be.

I want to carry a child. Multiple times. I have faith that the hopeful, positive, beautiful dreams inside me are strong enough to banish the fear. If they’re not, then my guys will be here to help. To remind me of how capable I am and how much love I have to give. They’ll help fill in the gaps when the world feels like it’s too much.

“You’re up early.”

With a shriek, I slap my hands to my mouth and spin.

As I come face to face with Decker Crusade, my heart hammers triple time in my chest. “ Jesus . You scared the shit out of me, Cap.”

He offers me a rueful grin. For a moment, he looks just like the boy I grew up with. “Sorry. I stomped through the kitchen, figuring you’d hear me. I thought maybe you had headphones in.”

Shaking my head, I will my pulse to settle. “No. Just lost in my own head,” I admit, returning his smile. “Why are you up so early?”

“Had a few calls to make.” He holds up a cell phone and tilts it back and forth. “I got Levi into Lake Chapel U on scholarship, if he wants the spot. Now I’m working on getting him an internship or practicum for the semester.”

My heart, which has only now slowed, trips over itself. “Really?”

Decker nods, his dark eyes somber. “Josephine doesn’t need a scholarship anymore. I paid her tuition for the semester and made an extra donation in her name. Once that processed, I emailed admissions with my second choice for the Crusade Scholarship.” He shrugs, as if it’s no big deal. “Do you think he’ll go for it? I wasn’t sure, with his injury and all, how he’d feel working alongside the football team and athletes. But they’re always looking for student athletic trainers, so I figured—”

“Decker.” I rush to him and throw my arms around his neck. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

He pats my back a little awkwardly, then gingerly extricates himself. His rueful, boyish grin is back as he says, “five second rule,” with a knowing smirk.

I huff out a laugh. “The five second rule? That applies to food on the floor, Cap. Not hugs.”

He nods solemnly. “You’re right. We should probably implement a three second rule to appease His Royal Highness.”

I swat at his arm. “Don’t call him that.” Not because Spence would be insulted by the nickname, but because it would absolutely feed his ego.

He smirks. “The man’s intense. He’s like Kylian with an added dose of privilege and an overinflated sense of self-regard.” Between one blink and the next, the humor disappears from his expression. “He loves you, you know. So damn much. Even if his methods are unconventional. Even if they don’t make a lot of sense on the surface—”

“I know.” I give him a small smile, amused but also surprised by his words. The last thing I expected this morning was for Decker to come to Spence’s defense, but here we are. “I’ve never questioned his devotion. He did what he did yesterday from a place of love. I get it.”

With a quick nod, I step back. I don’t want to get into the whole ordeal. Experiencing it once and then dealing with the fallout last night was enough for me. I’m ready to move forward and desperately hopeful that my guys will follow suit.

“Right.” The hint of gentleness in his tone has disappeared. “There’s one more thing.”

Instantly, I go on alert. I don’t know how Joey does this all the time. Decker has the uncanny ability to go from playful to concerningly serious in the blink of an eye. Cautiously, I ask, “And what would that be?”

He inspects me, his obsidian eyes unblinking. “I want you to stay here. All of you. Indefinitely.”

I open my mouth, but before I can utter a word, he continues.

“We have more than enough space. And more importantly, the security is unmatched. I can’t promise you’re completely out of harm’s way here.” He stretches out and pops his neck, as if the idea is painful. “But unless your mom commandeers a Sherp, she’s not getting on this fucking isle.”

I snort, but quickly school my expression. I honestly wouldn’t put it past Magnolia to find an all-terrain vehicle that’ll make it through swamps and even float like the one Decker and his crew possess.

“Stay.” He takes a step closer, his head bowed as he makes his plea. “Stay here for the semester. Longer if you need to. You’ll be safe—all of you. Josephine will worry less. And I’ll feel like I can actually help this time around, instead of sitting on the sidelines. Instead of being complicit.”

“Decker…” My heart aches as I study him.

This is a sentiment he’s shared before. I’ve known him and his friends since childhood. We grew up together, our lives intertwined because of football and cheerleading. But there’s no way he could have known what went on in my home when I was younger. Hell, I didn’t even really begin to process it until my dad left during my senior year of high school.

“Just think about it.” He wraps me up in another quick hug. “You’re more than welcome here. You’re wanted.”

With a loud exhale, he releases me. Then he gently taps his knuckles on my chin.

“Work on Levi for me, too.” With that, he strides away. Halfway across the room, with his phone out and his thumb hovering over the screen, he turns. “Oh, and since classes start tomorrow, we’re doing family brunch today. Make sure you and the boys are in the dining room by eleven. Kylian hates when we start late.”

I stifle a laugh, knowing damn well that Decker is the one who hates when a family meal starts late and that Kylian follows a very specific routine on Sunday mornings that has little to do with eating brunch and a whole lot to do with consuming Joey.

“Whatever you say, Cap.”