Page 33

Chapter 33

Hunter

I’m buzzing with adrenaline and leftover surges of pleasure. I can’t lie still, let alone sleep.

Spence, Greedy, and Levi are all zonked out, their legs a tangled mess on one side of the mattress.

I’m not cold, but when Sione wraps his arms around me and pulls me back into his orbit, I realize I’m shaking.

I always have trouble sleeping when I ovulate. I also struggle to fall asleep after an orgasm. It’s extremely unlikely I’ll get much rest tonight considering I just had—shit, I lost track of how many, though Spence could tell me when he wakes.

With a sigh, I reposition myself. Nothing helps.

Always so in tune with my state of mind, Sione smooths a hand down my hair. He repeats the motion, petting me and coaxing me closer until I’m snuggled tightly against his frame.

“That feels good.”

“We timed this perfectly, Mahina. You’re doing so well. Such a beautiful vessel for the life we’re going to create.”

Tears spring to my eyes, but they have nothing to do with the sweetness of his words.

“What if it doesn’t work? I don’t want to disappoint them.” It takes all I have to fight back the sob that wants to break free from my chest.

My emotions are all over the place—another clear sign I’ll ovulate within the next twenty-four hours. I hate feeling like this. I know I’m being unreasonable, but this is PMDD, plain and simple.

Some women feel fine up until ovulation, then experience intensifying side effects as menstruation nears. I’m the opposite: my anxiety and mood shoot off like a solar flare when I ovulate, calm down for a week or so afterward, and then steadily increase the closer I get to my period. Knowing there’s a medical reason for what I experience should help, but it rarely does.

This isn’t how I’m prone to think, I know that, but when my hormones rage and the phase of my cycle hits this intensely, I have no choice but to buckle up and hang on for the ride.

“If it doesn’t work this time ,” Si emphasizes the last two words, “then we pivot and try again. We follow the tides, see this cycle through, and wait for what next month brings. Nothing you do could disappoint us. We’re in this together.”

He says it so casually. As if all our hopes and dreams aren’t hanging on my ability to get pregnant.

Get it together, Hunter . This shouldn’t be that big of a deal. No one’s hopes and dreams are on the line. This isn’t our only shot.

Sione buries his face in my hair. “Your aura just thinned significantly. What are you thinking?”

That I’m useless.

That this is the stupidest idea I’ve ever had.

That I can’t even handle my own mood swings. How the hell am I ever going to be a good mother?

“Mahina.”

His voice snaps me out of my head. “Let me in. Let us all in. Let us be here for you now. You’ve endured the flames on your own for far too long. It’s time to try softer, not harder. Let us love and support you through what happens next, whatever that may be.”

Tears seep out of me as my body deflates. With a cleansing breath, I do what Si suggested and try to be gentler with myself.

You’re doing your best.

Whatever happens will be okay.

You are your own person, and you have so much love to give. You’re going to be a great mom someday.

“Thank you,” I whisper into the dark as my anxiety ebbs.

“It may take months to get pregnant, Mahina. That’s common. Or maybe it won’t happen for years. Regardless, the love in this room—the way we all so willing and lovingly filled you up tonight—can’t be diminished. The lowest lows won’t affect it. The toughest times can’t weaken it. You are safe. You are loved. You never have to face the dark nights alone. Not ever again.”