Page 33

He looked awfully big now that he was up close.

She took a step back and then another, until she found herself pressed against the door through which she had just entered.

There was no escape because he had put his hands on either side of her body, leaning his palms against the door so that she had no chance of opening it.

Heat radiated off him, no doubt because those flames of anger and frustration burned through his veins.

Yet his scent was divine. Hot and male and dangerous. He must have been caught by Viola just after a shave and bathing, because Ailis also caught the scent of lather and sandalwood on his skin.

He growled softly. “Do you think our kissing bargain has made you somehow special to me?”

“No, I would not presume to be anything more than a casual amusement for you.”

His laugh was bitter. “You do amuse me, for you are like no one else. Almost thirty and still untouched. Almost thirty and never been kissed until this week. Almost thirty and still have a body that can bring a man to his knees with longing. Big eyes. Soft lips. Even softer…”

He stopped himself before he spoke of her bosom, but she knew that was what he was going to say because he had glanced down at her breasts, which were heaving, and he had noticed.

He eased off her the slightest bit. “But you do not amuse me just now.”

“I see. Then I will not ask for kiss number seven yet. But since I am here, you ought to write out the bank note for kiss number six before you toss me out on my ear.”

She had caught him off guard with her impertinent request.

She had done it on purpose, of course.

He wanted to stay angry and intimidate her into leaving. But if he truly wanted her gone, he would not be keeping her trapped between his arms, would he?

“Gad, Ailis,” he said finally, letting out a groaning breath. “You are a nuisance. Of all the things to say to me. You shall have your bloody bank draft number six.”

She nodded. “I know. You are too honorable ever to renege.”

“Then why mention it now? Did you think that catching me off guard would calm me down? But you are ever practical, aren’t you? Tame the dragon and collect the charity donation.”

She looked up at him as he continued to loom over her. “Actually, you remind me more of a lion with your dark mane and deep, angry roar. But you would make a very handsome dragon, too.”

“Handsome? Have you not heard? I am disgusting to look at.”

“Is that what Lady Viola said? Or is it just you hating yourself? And why would you ever care about any stupid thing that girl says? Or what any of those silly geese say?”

“I don’t.”

“Then why are you so overset? So what if people know you are scarred? How does it change anything of the life you have made for yourself? In truth, you ought to thank Viola for shaking you out of this prison you have built around yourself.”

“Thank her? You do not know what you are talking about, Ailis.”

“Then explain it to me.”

“No. Go away. Our kisses do not give you any special privileges over me.”

“Your mother and brother are worried about you.”

“Let them be worried. They’ve brought this on themselves. What did they think I would do? Strip naked for these ladies and show off my body?”

“This isn’t about your body. It is about your heart. The girl who deserves to win your heart is the one who will love all of you, and will accept everything about you.”

“I did not realize my Miss Temple of Virtue was also an expert on matters of love. Look at you,” he said softly. “You are a little bird with a broken wing. How could they send you to me? What if I had been blinded by rage and hurt you?”

“You never would.”

“Do not be so sure, Ailis. I am not a nice man.”

“I disagree. I think you are honorable, caring, and protective to the very core. Anyone who really knows you would not give a fig about your scars. They would cherish you for the sum of who you are.”

She was going to cry if she said anything more, for she could not bear to see the anguish in his eyes, dark eyes that hid years of pain and torment.

“Would you love me like that, Ailis?”

She closed her eyes. “I already do. Is it not obvious? I never meant for it to happen. I tried so hard not to fall in love with you. But my heart had other ideas. I am so deeply and desperately in love with you. That is my torment.”

Her admission must have taken him aback.

“Ailis,” he said in a raspy whisper, and caressed her cheek.

“There it is,” she said, keeping her eyes closed because she did not have the courage to open them and see the pity in his.

“My fate is to love you and know you will never reciprocate. I never intended to tell you. I would have been happy keeping silent and maintaining our friendship. It would have been enough for me, I think. Ten kisses and a lasting bond of friendship.”

“We are only up to kiss number seven.”

Her eyes flew open. “And now that I have confessed my feelings for you, are you going to end this game?”

“It was never really a game, was it?”

“I don’t know.” She took a deep breath. “Will you show me what the others saw…when Viola caught you in your bedchamber?”

“No, Ailis. It isn’t a pretty sight.”

“But that is precisely the point. Now that everyone you don’t trust has seen you, why hide the truth from me?”

“Is it just morbid curiosity on your part?”

“You know it isn’t. I want to prove to you that real friends would not care.”

“All right, but do not say you weren’t warned.”

She watched as he slowly removed his jacket, cravat, and vest, then paused a moment to give her a final chance to stop him before he took off his shirt. His expression oozed pain, so much of it that she almost told him not to take that final step.

But to stop now would be a setback for him.

Despite the turmoil roiling in her heart, she said nothing.

With a soft groan, he removed his shirt in one fluid motion to reveal the damage he had hidden for so long.

Ailis’s heart broke.

He stood before her, unflinching and steady as a stone monolith. “There you have it, Miss Temple of Virtue. This is what all the fuss was about.”

He had scars all over his arms and partly along his back.

He had told her that his legs were just as badly marked, but she was not going to suggest he drop his trousers, since that was obviously a step too far.

Merely removing his shirt and giving her a view of his naked upper torso was scandalous enough.

But she was not thinking of scandal, only of the agony he must have endured that left him so scarred.

She threw herself into his arms and hugged him fiercely. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“So am I,” he said, emitting another soft groan as he wrapped his arms around her.

“This doesn’t change any of my feelings for you,” she said, resting her head against his chest and not ready to back away.

His skin was warm and his body had remained surprisingly firm and muscled.

He was quite fine and strong for a man in his forties.

In truth, more finely built than most younger men.

“Ailis, open your eyes now.”

“They are open. I have been looking at you all the while. Must I care about those scars when there is everything else that is so much more important about you?”

He sighed. “Why do you dismiss them as unimportant?”

“Because this is what they have become with the passage of time.” She hugged him again.

“The pain they gave you was important, for that injury put your life at risk back then. But now? Why are you letting these scars define you? And why are you allowing the useless opinions of people you would never allow close to you to affect you?”

He cast her a wry smile. “Are you berating me, Temple?”

“I don’t mean to. It is just that I am looking at you through clear eyes, and I know what I am seeing. If given the choice of you or another to share my life, there is no one but you I would ever want. And I do not mean in any ton way of doing things. No separate lives or separate homes for me.”

“Or separate beds?”

She shook her head. “I would hope to share that marital bed every night.”

He moved away from her to don his shirt and other attire in order to make himself presentable once again. “Dukes and duchesses commonly have separate quarters, even in love marriages,” he said as he slipped the shirt back on.

“That sounds lonely.”

“The quarters are usually linked by an adjoining door so husband and wife can go back and forth at their pleasure without having to pass through the hallway.”

“That sounds much better. I’m glad you showed me your body,” she said as he turned away a moment to tuck his shirt into his trousers. “Thank you.”

He grunted and turned back to don his cravat and vest with practiced ease because he always attended to his own grooming.

She sighed as he shrugged into his jacket.

“What is it, Ailis?”

“Will you give me kiss number seven now?”

“Are you serious?”

She nodded.

He stared at her a long moment and then smiled. “Yes, you shall have your kiss number seven.”

This surprised her, and she smiled in relief because she was afraid she had overstepped with him and he would no longer want anything to do with her.

“But I have one requirement before I give you that seventh kiss,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle. “I want you to promise me that you will not hold back. If you truly love me, then this kiss needs to be a kiss of love. Will you do this for me?”

She nodded. “I promise.”

It was easy to comply, since these were her feelings and she was never good at hiding them, nor would she ever wish to hide them from him now that she had admitted her love for him.

In truth, it felt freeing.

Perhaps he would reciprocate these feelings someday, for he had to trust her already and she knew he enjoyed her company…most of the time.

He would not have taken off his shirt if a strong bond had not been established between them, a bond strong enough to survive his raw, brutal ache.

As his mouth was about to sink onto hers, she whispered, “I love you, Jonas.”

“Stop talking, Ailis.”

“All right, but I love you.”

He responded by delivering a kiss filled with heat and exquisite tenderness, a kiss that devoured her soul.

This kiss went farther than the others before it, as he meant it to do by the intimate press of his muscled body against her soft, yielding curves. She felt his ardor and that purposeful press of his weight against her.

It was a delicious heaviness, just enough to make her feel him.

Not enough to ever hurt her.

Their kiss was deep and bonded by her love. It was also bonded by his desire, for he always made her feel adored whenever he kissed her.

Now, it was her turn to make him feel the abiding love she held for him.

She did it the only way she knew how, by accepting the divine crush of his mouth on hers, the tangle of their tongues and molding of their bodies, the melting of their bodies into one.

This kiss was about accepting him in every way, about getting to know the feel of him and how her senses wrapped around him.

The kiss was intimate and infinite. It was a declaration of recognition on the deepest levels.

She was memorizing the granite strength of him, and she hoped he was remembering the shape of her curves and the softness of her skin.

He tasted of coffee, strong and forceful, while she tasted of gentle mint tea.

His scent was spice, woods and earth, while hers was of autumn flavors, of nutmeg, cinnamon, and apples.

This kiss was meant to bind them through time.

And this was how she would love him, eternally and throughout time.

He had not made this same commitment to her, but she did not think he was capable of committing to anyone just yet. It was too much to ask of him.

Still, this kiss was beautiful, and it felt as though he was committing to her, body and soul.

If only it were possible.

She had to remind herself it was an important expression of trust but not a commitment of love.

He had the skill and prowess to make her believe it could be love, to make her feel that he might abandon all rules just for her.

Finally, he let out a ragged breath and drew back slightly to end their kiss. His body was no longer pressed atop hers, and she missed the warmth of his weight on her. “Ailis…”

Reluctantly, she opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Did it feel like a kiss of love to you?”

He smiled. “Yes, it did.”

“Does this mean the lion is ready to come out of his lair? Or shall I leave you in peace now? I must get back to the rectory anyway. We are adding all the festive touches today and plan to start decorating shortly after supper. Will you join us?”

“Maybe.”

Even after their kiss? She was still a maybe ?

She hid her disappointment, but what did she expect? It had been her kiss of love, not his. Her feelings were not his. She was the one in love, not him.

But some good had come from their being closed off in his study. She had entered the lion’s den and removed the thorn from his paw. He was no longer hurting over Viola’s discovering his secret.

As for herself, she had received another scorching kiss from him.

Sadly, she doubted her admission of love would lead to anything more, but that was all right.

He now knew someone in the world loved him truly and forever, scars and all.