Page 27
“Jonas,” she repeated softly, hoping he would not take offense by the familiarity, since he had asked her several times to refer to him by his given name. Was it not right that she should do so now? “Do these scars still hurt you?”
“No, Ailis,” he replied as she reached out to gently touch his arm. “The physical pain has mostly passed.”
But the cost to his heart, to his happiness, must have been insurmountable. This explained why he held himself off from everyone. This was why he settled for quick entanglements to satisfy his urges, for he only needed to lower the falls of his trousers and…
She turned away a moment when she felt her cheeks suffuse with heat.
He believed there could never be any real intimacy between him and a young lady because of these wounds. But who would care when he had so many fine qualities? His scars would be insignificant when compared to his valor, his honor, and his intelligence. Not to mention his exceptionally good looks.
He also had a wonderfully wry sense of humor, which he displayed whenever dealing with her. He often made her laugh, even when he was being cantankerous and curmudgeonly.
But the grim, dour duke he presented to the world was not his true self. This was him being defensive and pushing others away to ensure they would never get too close and break his heart by rejecting him.
He released a heavy breath. “Ailis, I forbid you to weep over me. Why in blazes are you crying?”
The tears trickled down her cheeks, and not only because she felt an intense sympathy for his pain. She was crying because he was trusting her with this deep secret, with his weakness that he had hidden from everyone for all these years. That he would lay his heart bare before her meant everything.
“I cannot help it. Will you kiss me now, please?”
He shook his head and laughed softly. “Ailis, I cannot make sense of you. Why would you want to kiss me after I have shown you this?”
“Because I now understand you better, as you expected I would. This was entirely the point of your showing me this glimpse into your past and the suffering you endured, was it not? I thought you were a wonderful man before this moment, but now I think you are incredibly and amazingly wonderful. My heart is bursting with pride for you and in knowing you. My heart is also experiencing myriad other feelings that I cannot describe because I do not understand them all myself.”
“Not pity, I hope.”
She pursed her lips. “No, pity isn’t among the feelings that have my heart in a roil. Admiration. Respect. Ache because of all you have been through and suffered. Sorrow because you chose to handle this enormous pain on your own.”
“How else would I manage it? In truth, it was not hard for me to do.”
“Because you desperately wanted to protect yourself from those who might revile and hurt you.”
He cast her an indulgent look. “Do you truly believe I care what other people think? You ought to know me better by now.”
She shook her head. “It isn’t people in general that you are protecting yourself from.
What you are doing is guarding your heart from the one special person you could love forever.
That rejection would be the worst for you, so you have dealt with this problem by choosing to push every young lady away before you can ever develop feelings for her.
But I cannot imagine their ever not loving you. ”
“Ailis, I do not need false flattery from you. I do not lack in confidence. Arrogant duke here,” he said with a wry smile, “lest you forget.”
“I am not trying to flatter you. In fact, I am angry with myself for assuming you were aloof and cantankerous when you are not this way at all. I also assumed you were full of yourself due to your exalted rank.”
“Full of myself?” His look of surprise quickly turned to one of amusement. “Are you calling me a blowhard?”
She cast him a soft smile and sniffled as more tears fell.
“You were never a blowhard. I am explaining myself all wrong. You have a strong sense of duty to those in your demesne, but we have never been a mere duty to you. You have never dismissed us…or dismissed me , even though I am often quite irritating.”
“No, Ailis. You are persistent, but never truly annoying. I never minded your visits.”
“I hope you know that I always liked and admired you. I think your humanity shone through despite the mask you always wore.”
“And now, my mask has come down and you know the truth about me,” he said in all seriousness. “You are among the very few who know.”
“Among the few?”
“Well, my doctors know. Grimes does, out of necessity. Edward, too.”
“This is why your brother admires you so much.”
That he thought enough of her to reveal these deep wounds… Could she mean more to him than he had ever let on? She thought their ten kisses were merely for amusement, but had she been mistaken and they represented more?
“I thank you for this, for the trust you have shown in me,” she said with all sincerity. “I will never let you down, I promise.”
He took her hand in his. “You never have. I do not doubt your integrity. This is why I decided to show you who I really am and what compels me to act the way I do.”
“But why choose to do this now?” She eyed him curiously, not certain what else he wanted of her. Was he merely seeking a friend because his house was presently overrun? Would he have confided the truth about his wounds had his mother not brought these ton diamonds to Langford Hall?
Well, she would see where this next step led. She would like to be friends with him, the reliable confidante he could turn to when he needed to talk about the torments hidden in his heart and know his confidences would never be betrayed.
Yes, a good friend.
Would he ever accept her as someone more?
And yet…was she completely misunderstanding his intentions? Was he revealing his scars because he meant to push her away, just like he pushed away everyone else?
“Your Grace, did—”
“ Jonas. That is my name and I want you to use it. You and I are not going back to that formal nonsense.”
“All right. Jonas , why did you show me the burns on your arm? Did you think I would no longer want your kisses because of this disfigurement?”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure. But this was the only way I could find out for certain. Odd, isn’t it?”
“That you trusted me?”
He nodded. “However, rest assured that I will never hold you to our bargain if my scars do offend you.”
“Offend me?”
“Yes, it is the expected response. Isn’t it? Utter revulsion.”
She gasped. “If that isn’t the most foolish thing I have ever heard come out of your mouth in years.
If you were not a duke, I would already be kicking your shin.
Your scars do not repulse me. They will never repulse me.
If anything, understanding you better now, I wish I had bargained for twenty kisses. Forty kisses. A hundred more!”
He shook his head, once again grinning. “Ailis, you do not have to say this because you think I wish to hear it.”
“And you ought to know I would never simply say something I did not believe just to pander to you. Is this not my weakness whenever I am around you? That I cannot keep my mouth shut and must voice my honest opinion whether asked for or not. So, will you please kiss me now before others walk in and the moment is lost?”
“Gad,” he muttered, “you truly are something else.”
“Something good, I hope.”
He drew her out of her seat so that she now stood before him. “Number five,” he said with a husky rumble that turned her legs to water. “Close your eyes, Ailis.”
She had been staring up at him, wondering how she was ever going to escape falling in love with him after this.
Perhaps she was meant to love him, even if it was unrequited.
But was his friendship not a valuable thing in its own right?
“My eyes are closed and I am breathlessly awaiting magical number five.”
His lips sank onto hers with just the perfect mix of scorching heat and soul-searing tenderness, a kiss that somehow retained all its power and yet was achingly gentle.
It was a kiss that demanded her surrender but did not force it.
He understood—perhaps on instinct, since experienced men such as he seemed to understand a woman’s body and the cravings of a woman’s heart—that whatever she gave of herself had to be done willingly, for that was the true magic of a kiss.
Of course, such men as this duke knew how to be quite persuasive. His kiss embodied all the confidence and arrogance that had made him the man he was, but with it, he was also giving her a secret piece of his heart.
Or was she misunderstanding this treasured fifth kiss?
Perhaps nothing of his heart was meant to come with the tantalizing thrill of his lips as they plundered and probed hers. But what beautiful lips he had, commanding and yet tender as they moved in that hot, slow grind over hers.
Nor could she resist the perfection of his muscled arms as he held her in his protective embrace.
How could there ever be a better man or a better kiss than this one?
Her head began to spin. She felt claimed and possessed, as though kiss number five had branded her as his forever and she belonged to him now.
But could he ever belong to her?
She did not think so.
She would dream of him and dare no more, for powerful dukes did not fall in love and marry the spinster nieces of a village vicar.
“Ailis,” he whispered, ending the kiss with a groan, “join me tonight at Langford Hall. I would like you and your uncle to come for supper. I’ll send my carriage around for you.”
She took a moment to restore order to her reeling senses. “Oh dear. I cannot. Please do not ask me. I really cannot.”
He frowned. “Why ever not? I thought you were amenable to this.”
“I was, but then your mother insisted…and so I promised her I would not accept your invitation if you offered it to me.” She searched his face and noted his irritation.
“Just as I would never betray a promise to you, nor would I betray a promise to your mother. Do not look at me that way. And please do not let go of me just yet. I am still in a swoon over this last kiss.”
“It cannot be much of a swoon if you are still clearheaded enough to reject my invitation,” he grumbled.
“I am not rejecting it, merely explaining why I cannot accept it. Would you think me so honorable if I broke my promise to your mother? And I do not need an answer to that question. I know you would be disappointed if I blithely broke oaths.”
He moved away now that she seemed to be on steadier footing, and raked a hand through his hair. “Why did you make her that promise?”
“Because she asked me not to interfere with your chance at happiness. This is what we both want for you.”
“But I have made it clear to you that none of those young ladies will do.”
“Then speak to your mother about allowing me out of my oath. Even then, I do not think it is a good idea for me to attend.”
“Why not?”
“Because it is an insult to those young women. Need I point out it is also an insult to me? They will think I am your… I cannot even say what they will think I am to you. Nothing respectable, I assure you.”
“Ailis, I will not take no for an answer.”
“ Jonas , that is too bad, because it is the only answer I can give you.” Overset that their beautiful kiss would be forgotten as they bickered, she resorted to helping him as he rolled up his sleeve, fastened the cuff, and donned his jacket.
Although she was not really of any help to him at all while her arm was in a sling, so doing things one-handed was proving very difficult. “By the way, I loved kiss number five.”
He sighed. “You are now trying to assuage my hurt feelings.”
She smiled up at him. “I am doing no such thing. Remain irritated and bad tempered, if you wish. But unless you see a way around my promise to your mother, I shall not be accepting any invitations you send me.”
“Gad, you can be stubborn.”
“I am merely trying to be honorable. If you cannot accept this, then I thank you for your visit and for sharing your heart with me. I hope you will do so whenever you need a shoulder to lean on.”
He tucked a finger under her chin. “Your shoulder is still healing. Never worry that I shall require its gentle support anytime soon. And never think you have won this round.”
“What do you mean?”
“You shall be coming to supper at Langford Hall tonight, and it shall be done without your breaking a promise to my mother.” He kissed her on the nose. “ That kiss does not count.”
She ignored the remark because she had no intention of counting that sweet peck as worthy of kiss number six. They had set the ground rules days ago. Only a kiss on the lips would count.
But she was more curious about his prior statement.
How was she to dine at Langford Hall without breaking her promise to his mother?
Table of Contents
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- Page 27 (Reading here)
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