Page 47 of Slew Foot (Scoring Chances #3)

“You think so?” Rafe asked. That made him feel a little better about it, actually.

“I do. I’ll never be anything but wholeheartedly supportive of guys being free to come out and date within an organization—so long as there’s not a serious power imbalance there, anyway—but that doesn’t mean there won’t be a few bumps along the way.”

“True.”

“That being said, these issues may sometimes seem to be resolved but have some lingering impacts. How is Mickey doing?”

Rafe hesitated. “Isn’t Dr. Pope keeping you updated? And wait, didn’t you just meet with Mickey today?”

“Bradley is,” Gavin said. “And I did. If you don’t want to talk about this with me, that’s perfectly fine. I respect that. I get the feeling he’s struggling though, and I want to figure out how to help him navigate this.”

“Honestly,” Rafe said, frowning at his grilled zucchini and summer squash. “I’m worried about him too.”

Gavin frowned too. “Well, I’m here if you ever want to talk.”

“Thanks,” Rafe said. “That’s nice of you.”

“That’s my job,” Gavin reminded him, but he shot Rafe a small, warm smile.

“Plus, I care about you guys. I mean it. I know a lot of GMs prefer to keep more of a distance from their players but that’s not me.

That’s not how I run my teams. Only time will tell if it actually works”—he let out a soft laugh—“if we can be a Cup-winning team with this style. But it’s the only way I know how to do this.

You’re more than an asset to me, Rafe, every one of you is.

I have to keep the bottom line in the back of my mind at all times, but that doesn’t mean I can’t treat you like human beings, who have real lives outside of hockey.

Who have private struggles. And I can be a listening ear if you ever need it. ”

Rafe nodded, his mouth too full of food to answer aloud. He needed a minute to think anyway. He’d wanted someone to talk to, but dude , this was his GM. He sure as fuck would never have had this conversation with Asa Jackson.

Asa had also made it pretty obvious that although he’d tolerated Rafe and Logan dating, he hadn’t been happy about it. It had pretty much been an “I told you so” when Rafe had been unhappy staying in Minnesota after their breakup.

He’d definitely been a “my players are an asset, not a human” kinda guy.

But this wasn’t Minnesota and Gavin wasn’t Asa. Gavin was a gay man and dating someone in the organization. He got what Rafe was going through in a way Asa never would.

“Um,” Rafe said. “Honestly, I’ve been wanting someone to talk to about this, but uh, it might … it’s a little weird, you know? Because some of it is pretty personal. Like, in the bedroom stuff, you know?”

“Well,” Gavin said with a thoughtful frown. “Tell me whatever you feel comfortable sharing. Anything you have to say will stay in this room.”

So between bites of lunch, Rafe told him Mickey seemed a little depressed and like he wasn’t himself. And how it was making it difficult for them to have sex.

Gavin nodded. “It’s tough. As a former player, I know concussions are difficult, and as a gay man who had a recent health scare, I know it can take a toll on the relationship. The whole situation sucks for both of you.”

“It does suck,” Rafe said. “And, like, I think a big part of it is because—because of the way we are in the bedroom, you know? He uh, well, let’s just say in there he acts a lot like he does when we’re on the ice if you get what I mean.”

Rafe’s cheeks felt warm by the time he was done but Gavin didn’t exactly look shocked.

“Yes, I can see why that makes it difficult and why that might make it hard on both of you.”

“It—it’s so frustrating,” Rafe said with a sigh, toying with his fork. “Because Mickey’s feeling useless and I don’t know how to help . I’m worried he’s going to keep pushing me away, you know?”

“Well,” Gavin said after he’d finished a bite of food. “I understand why you’re worried.”

Rafe gulped. Well, that didn’t sound good. He whispered, “Do you think he’s going to break up with me?”

“No, no. I’m not suggesting that,” Gavin said quickly.

“Good.” Rafe let out a relieved sigh.

“Earlier, I did recommend he speak to the sports psychologist we have on staff and consider reaching out to someone at the initiative Felix Hale started—I’m blanking on the name of it at the moment—but you know the one I mean, right?”

Rafe nodded. Felix Hale was a player for Toronto who’d dealt with substance abuse issues. After rehab, he’d started a whole thing on mental health encouraging guys to speak up when they were struggling.

He was also dating his D-partner, Jonah Brewer, so that was kinda neat.

Gavin continued, “I think it’s important for Mickey to talk to a mental health expert right now.”

Rafe nodded. “Me too. I’ll try to make sure he does at least one of those things.”

“But I also think you two need to find a way to work together ,” Gavin said.

“To some extent, I’ve been in Mickey’s shoes.

Or, I know what it’s like to feel like your life is beginning to spiral into something you don’t recognize, anyway.

And I think situations like this are especially hard for those of us who like to have control.

I don’t think it means your relationship is over .

I do think this could be a turning point for the two of you, however. ”

“How?”

“How could it be a turning point?”

“No, how do we do that? How do we make it a good turning point instead of …” Rafe swallowed, throat a little thick. “Instead of something that breaks us apart.”

Because, he’d already had one relationship get fucked up by not communicating. He didn’t want that to happen again. Especially with Mickey.

“Well,” Gavin said slowly. “I think, first of all, you two need to talk . The roughest point in my relationship with Dakota was when I got in a fight with my brother. I—I’m estranged from my parents and Thad said something deeply hurtful.

It wasn’t his fault, really. He didn’t know how much it would impact me but he—he told me something that cut very deep and made me feel very alone and very vulnerable, which I hate .

I know, shocking for a hockey player, right? ”

Rafe snorted.

Gavin gave Rafe a small rueful grin, then continued.

“I took that feeling out on Dakota. Looking back, I think I was trying to isolate myself, push him away without having to say those words. But then my heart scare happened and it changed the situation. It forced us to be very honest with each other about our feelings. Without it, I’m not sure we would have made it through that time.

While it’s not the same as the situation you’re in with Mickey, I’m telling you because I hope you can learn from my mistakes. ”

Rafe nodded.

“It seems to me that you’ve hit the nail on the head. Mickey is feeling vulnerable and is struggling with how to handle it. He’s probably scared and trying to push you away.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Rafe agreed.

“But if you love him, and it’s clear you do, you’ll need to become a team.

Not fighting each other but learning to band together to fight whatever obstacles you face.

You need to figure out how to work together and come up with solutions about how to—to meet each other’s needs without Mickey having to do all of the heavy lifting. Just until he’s recovered.”

“What if he doesn’t recover?” Rafe whispered. He didn’t want to imagine that happening, but it seemed stupid to ignore it was possible.

“Then you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it,” Gavin said firmly.

“And you’ll adapt. For now, let’s focus on what we can do to support Mickey in the meantime.

I must say, I haven’t known Mickey a whole lot longer than I’ve known you, but I think it’s accurate to say he’s someone who often gets overlooked.

He’s so quietly self-contained, steady, and supportive of other people, I think he probably doesn’t get the support he needs or even know how to ask for it. ”

“ Exactly ,” Rafe said.

Mickey’s mom had offered to fly to Boston to be with him and he’d turned her down! Rafe couldn’t imagine that.

“He’s very stubborn,” Rafe grumbled. “He wants to do everything by himself and he swears he doesn’t need any help, even when it’s totally obvious he does.”

“I’m familiar with the type.” Gavin gave him a wry smile. “That doesn’t shock me about Mickey either. I am very glad he has you in his corner though, Rafe. I am not sure anyone else would be able to get through to him the way you can.”

“But what do I actually do ? I mean, what is my role here?”

“Your role is as his defensive partner and boyfriend. You accomplish that by finding ways to support Mickey while showing him that accepting your help doesn’t diminish his authority , so to speak.”

Rafe nodded.

“You don’t blindly do whatever he wants on the ice, do you?”

“No,” Rafe said with a snort. “He’s usually right when he tells me something, especially about my on-ice positioning. But if I don’t agree, I tell him. And we talk about it after.”

“This is no different. You feel comfortable telling him you don’t want something in the bedroom, right?”

“Yeah of course.”

“Then find a time when he’s feeling okay—or at least not actively struggling—share your concerns, tell him you want to work with him to find ways to support him and you will be there for him through it all.

Help Mickey see he isn’t going to get through this by trying to go it alone.

Stanley Cups aren’t won because of what a single player does.

They’re won when an entire team buys into the belief they have the ability to achieve their dreams together.

You and Mickey have to be in this together too. ”

“But what about the actual team? I mean … the Harriers, not the Mickey-and-Rafe team?” he asked.

Then thought , Hmm. I wonder what we’d be called? Mickefe? Krauoon?

No, trying to combine their names sounded weird . So just Mickey and Rafe then. Or Mouse and Turtle.

The thought made Rafe smile. Yeah, they were Mouse and Turtle. He liked that.

“You worry about Mickey and leave the Harriers to me,” Gavin said firmly.

“We’re in a tough spot, there’s no doubt about that, but that doesn’t mean it’s over yet.

I like some of the changes I see. There’s a closeness there that didn’t exist at the beginning of the season.

I like the locker room dynamics I see. I like the hustle from all of you at every practice.

With a bit of luck, Mickey will recover soon, and we’ll be able to make a final push.

I don’t know how far that’ll get us, but hopefully we’ll have a shot at getting into the playoffs. ”

“You think so?” Rafe asked hopefully.

“All we can do is try,” Gavin said, his tone firm. “And together, I think we have the tools to personally and professionally support the guy you love. Are you in?”

“I’m in,” Rafe promised him.