Page 51 of Size Queen

18

Noelle

I’m now a little over six weeks pregnant, but I think I look more like sixteen weeks. I’ve been bloated as well over the last week, with no signs of stopping. I’m working every shoot the agency offers in anticipation of the months ahead when work will likely be harder to find.

I looked for a good doctor for about a week before choosing one right by the beach. I knew that I had to do it—I wasn’t just looking after myself anymore, and I was aware of how frequently I was going to have to see a variety of doctors before and after I gave birth. It didn’t make the experience any less taxing.

Damon and I texted occasionally, just so that we wouldn’t forget about each other. I told him I’d made a doctor’s appointment, and of course, he asked if he could accompany me. I told him I was fine and didn’t need him to do anything. In hindsight, I wish I had told him to come along.

As I sit in the cold room while my examiners inspect me up, down, and everywhere, I can’t help but think about my modeling career. I’m still terrified of losing it all. Despite having looked over my contract at least a dozen times to verify my query—and despite the contract sayingnothingabout termination over a pregnancy—I still can’t help but feel like I’m doomed. Sabrina is under the impression that, at worst, I’m likely only going to be out of work through the duration of my pregnancy. She thinks it’d be better if I let the agency know right away what’s going on with me, but I disagree.

After my appointment is over with, I go straight home. I’m only been inside my apartment for about two minutes before Sabrina comes knocking on my door.

“How was your appointment?” she asks.

“Fine. It was an appointment. Everything’s normal.”

“Well, that’s good,” she says. “Did you go by yourself?”

“Yep. I texted Damon over the weekend and let him know I was doing it, though.”

“He didn’t want to go with you?”

“He did,” I reply. “I… I wanted to go alone.”

Her face is disapproving, as it often is whenever the conversation revolves around Damon himself.

“You know you’re really crushing him like this, don’t you?” she asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Damon’s really upset,” says Sabrina. “I mean… I’ve not seen it in person, but I believe it. Kace was telling me all about it. Pretty revealing stuff.”

“What?” I stand up straighter. “What are you talking about? What did he say?”

“He—”

“Hold on a second. What’s going on with you and Kace anyway? You haven’t brought him up in weeks. I thought you two were done hooking up.”

“I thought so, too, but hey, he’s been fun to play with.” She grins. “I just left Kace’s, actually. He was telling me about Damon being bummed out, upset that you aren’t letting him in.”

“Sabrina, Ican’tlet him in,” I say for what feels like the thousandth time. “You’re sleeping with his fucking lieutenant—youknowwhere I’m coming from.”

“Hey, you chose to sleep with your gang leader, just like I did,” she retorts. “And don’t think just because I’m sleeping with Kace right now that it means I’m going to fall in love with him or try to have babies with him.”

“I did not ‘try’ to have a baby with him,” I say defensively. “At least I’m trying to stay away from the Rolling Heads. You’re still involved.”

“We’re not ‘involved.’ I’m not really sure what you would call it. We’re just messing around—we’re not labeling anything or making a big deal about it. It’s been a lot of fun. And we always wear condoms.”

I roll my eyes, wanting to fight her but resisting, knowing that it would be a losing battle.

“Anyway,” Sabrina continues, “Damon really wants to see you. He misses you.”

“I miss him, too,” I admit wholeheartedly. “The issue isn’t attraction or… caring. I like him a lot.”

“And he really likes you, too,” she says with authority. “Kace says that Damon doesn’t ever focus on one single woman—for any reason—and his focus isn’t due to obligation. He’s doing what he thinks is best.”

I finally give in and break the silence between me and the father of my child. I skip a text and go straight to a phone call. I only have to wait a few seconds before he answers the phone.