Page 33 of Size Game
“Alex, I’ve really enjoyed our time together these past few weeks.”
I nod, though it’s not what I want to hear. No conversation that ends well starts with something like that.
“I know it took a lot for you to tell me that you’re falling for me. And I admire that courage.”
I glance up at her, wanting so badly for this conversation to just end with an “I love you too” so we can go on with our day.
“That courage actually spurred me to come here today to talk with you.”
I sit a little straighter. Her demeanor has changed. There is the semblance of a nervous smile twitching at the edges of her lips. That is not a sign of a bad conversation—quite the opposite.
“On Sunday after I left, I went home and did a lot of thinking. I know that I left rather quickly, and I’m sure that upset you. I’m sorry for that, but there was a lot on my mind at the time.”
I watch her nervously looking around, trying not to make eye contact with me out of fear that she won’t be able to complete her sentences.
“I uh… I had a suspicion… So, I…”
She pauses, and I can hear my heart thumping right up against my ear drums. I’m kind of worried but in a different way now.
“I took a test.” She smiles nervously but still doesn’t dare make eye contact.
Test? What kind of test? Like something to do with parties? Do party planners have a certification test like electricians and such? What was she suspicious about that needed a—
Oh…
“I’m pregnant.”
My heart stops, my eyes go blank, and I can’t express anything. There’s nothing there. Her words echo in my head over and over again. It tries to sink in, but I must have heard her wrong. That can’t be.
“I haven’t slept with anyone other than you while we’ve been, um… doing our thing. So, it’s yours.”
The words echo and echo. They ring through my ears, and I don’t know what to do.
She keeps talking, but I don’t know what she’s saying. I can hear the sounds of her voice, but I can’t comprehend any syllables or words. To me it sounds like white noise. Like when you’re sitting in the woods and just listening to the wind in the leaves, and the brook trickling over the rocks, and the birds chirping away.
After a few minutes, I start to hear her again. I can make out the words now. I still don’t know what to do or say, but I can hear her.
“I never thought about getting pregnant, but it’s happened and it happened to be with you. I don’t know what to do. I know you said you don’t want to expand your family, so I’m left with…”
I immediately lunge across the couch and pull her into a big hug. I know what I said, but that doesn’t matter. I want her to be here, to wake up next to me, to play with Sadie. I don’t want to see her leave again.
I kiss her deeply, and she seems surprised by the kiss. I kiss her again, and I can feel her cheeks getting warm and a tear sliding down her cheek. I can feel her body tremble against my chest, and I just want to hold her close.
Our lips meet again and again until I manage to bring the words I have to the surface.
“I love you, Claire. I don’t care what I said then. This is something that involves both of us, and I want to be here for you. We will get through it all together.”
I kiss her again and hold her hand in mine. She grips my hand tight and nuzzles her forehead into my neck, letting the tears fall down her cheeks. I rock slowly and stroke her hair. Then I kiss her head and gently pat her on the back.
“You won’t be alone. If you’ll have me, I want you to stay, and together we can care for our child.”
I kiss her head again, and she wraps her other arm around me, holding tight.
“It hurts that you didn’t tell me earlier, but that’s okay. You said you needed time. That’s more than fair.”
We sit together for quite a while. On the one hand, I don’t expect her to respond to me yet. On the other I want her to tell me what I want to hear. We hug and kiss again. She pulls back and wipes her cheeks.
“I love you too, Alex.”