Page 14 of Single Mom for the Mountain Men (Mountain Men Why Choose #3)

“ S oph, man, that’s not cool!” Tanner complains while putting down his Ken doll on the dinner table.

“And why not?” she asks innocently. “You said that Ken is stupid, so now, he won’t date Barbie. She deserves someone smarter.”

“But this dude will be so alone, then,” Tanner laments, looking like he is seriously upset over how Barbie is pushing Ken away.

I plate the food I’ve made, my smile irrepressible.

I think about the changes to my life as I putter around the kitchen, half-listening to my daughter bicker good-naturedly with Tanner. Aiden and Tanner have always been open and welcoming to us, but Brody’s change of attitude toward us is really heartening.

I shouldn’t be so attached to all of them, shouldn’t have let them in, but I just couldn’t help it.

I blush as I think of what happened between Brody and I the night before.

I probably also should have said no to that, but I wasn’t sorry that I didn’t.

They each brought something special to our little mountain family, and being intimate with Brody had felt as natural as breathing.

I should probably feel bad about being with all of them, but I just don’t.

I haven’t gotten to enjoy much of anything in my life when it comes to men or dating, for that matter, and I’m having fun sharing my life with all of them now.

I suppose at some point, it will all come out into the open and we will have to sort things out, but for now, I’m giving in to the urge to be selfish.

I bite my lip as I think about what it would mean if they didn’t want to share me, though. I might actually have to bring things up with them, but how?

“Why don’t you two have your breakfast first, then argue about who Barbie should date?” I propose, tossing two slices of toast on their plates, trying to clear my mind of the difficult thoughts weighing it down.

“It’s not an argument, Mom.” Sophie looks close to rolling her eyes. “Tanner said that Ken is dumb and shouldn’t be with Barbie. So, now, he won’t be.”

“Makes sense.” I nod seriously, biting back my smile when I see Tanner eye me, betrayal clear in his gaze.

“I didn’t say that !” he insists.

I take a seat in front of the two and start nibbling away at my toast.

The interaction between the two is full of banter, but there is a degree of trust Sophie places in Tanner, along with the other two men, that she has never shown for any adult man before.

She lets them tuck her into bed, lets them read her stories, and loves to hang out with them, even without me being there.

She lets herself be vulnerable with them as she shares her fantastical tales, pulling on their fingers when she wants them to pay her more attention.

It’s the exact same behavior she showed with her father before everything became so terrible.

This thought has popped up in my head a lot in the recent few days, and I dismiss it each time, not ready or willing to deal with the implications it brings.

I can’t have her getting that attached to these men.

The most important man in her life has already disappointed her immensely, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take again when it comes to my daughter.

Sophie has unlimited access to the boys, and the fact that they love spending time with her makes it hard to argue with her getting attached to them.

It breaks my heart a little that her own father isn’t as good a person as the three mountain men who share the property with us.

I don’t know how to explain to her that some adults are just not good people.

As I watch Tanner laugh with Sophie, his fingers digging under her armpits to make her squeal even more, I wonder if I’m too late to fight the growing bond between all of us.

Do I even really want to fight it?

If Sophie has started seeing a dependable figure in any or all of the men, where does that leave me? What should I feel for them?

There’s Tanner, with his boisterous laugh and silly jokes, Aiden with his reassuring smiles and sturdy hands, and Brody with his rough demeanor but attentive nature. All three of them care for me, each in their own undeniable way.

Yet, still, this bone-deep feeling of insecurity and fear follows me.

I have become dependent on them to an extent I never thought possible.

Tanner brings us each week’s worth of food every Sunday, Aiden has repaired nearly every faulty thing in the cabin, and Brody has set up extra precautionary security measures all around the vicinity of my cabin.

Their care is welcome, each act and word of concern only fueling the feelings I have for them. Yet, at the same time, I know I am not ready for something serious. I need to heal from my past traumas first before I can commit to being with anyone.

But the way my heart pumps in my chest when they’re around, and the easy way I trust them with my life, it makes me think to myself, Is it true that you aren’t ready for a relationship, or are you just lying to yourself, Lena ? I don’t know how long I can put off these thoughts.

“Sophie, here, catch!”

Sometime after breakfast and before lunch, Brody and Sophie had decided to play with a ball. Now, they’re out in the yard, where they’re tossing it back and forth. She often misses catching it, to his amusement.

Exertion has colored her cheeks pink, little huffs of breath leaving her, her chest heaving as she sweats under the sun.

“You’re doing it too fast!” she complains as she misses again, throwing a classic Sophie tantrum, as I like to call it. “You’re a cheater!”

“I am not a cheater!” Brody squawks, all the rough masculinity he holds softening around the edges as he speaks to her.

His calloused hands, the rough rumble in his voice, the towering height—all these qualities become way less intimidating when he deals with Sophie.

“And I am barely putting any power into my tosses, Soph.”

“So, you think I’m weak?” she challenges him, holding the ball between her hands as she raises a brow. The action is so like me, it’s almost as if I’m looking into a mirror.

“You can catch the ball,” he assures her. “Stop being silly, and just focus on it as I throw it.”

“Fine,” she says around a giant sigh, resigned to the fact that she has to put more effort in. “But I want more lollipops this week.”

“She’s been having lollipops?” I scoff in disbelief, eyeing the burly man and the little girl standing a few feet away from me.

Brody stands up straight, looking stricken and guilty.

Those big shoulders of his curve in slightly, like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t be.

The sight is more endearing than it should be, but I settle for a little smile at them both.

“My fault, Lena.” Tanner comes out at that exact moment, tossing Brody a bottle of water. “I’ve been spoiling her just as much as Aiden or Brody. They aren’t solely to blame for her sugar addiction.”

I place my hands on my hips and cock a brow at him. “Oh? And how exactly has Aiden been spoiling her?”

Tanner freezes momentarily, and Brody shakes his head, muttering something like, “She gets you quick, just like that,” under his breath.

Tanner tosses me a charming, apologetic smile as I huff at him, tapping my foot as I wait for an explanation. In reality, I’m not mad in the slightest. God knows Sophie deserves more love than I can offer her.

I can’t let everything slide because of that, though.

Aiden emerges and occupies the others, and they all start playing catch again. I will have to lay down some ground rules with the three of them about Sophie. That’s the thought that keeps spinning in my head when the four of us are about to sit down for a late lunch a little while later.

“Lena, do you mind telling Brody that lunch is ready?” Tanner calls out to me over the sizzling sound of the food in the pan. “He must be in his room.”

“Sure, no problem,” I respond, putting down the plates on the dinner table before I head to Brody’s room.

Knocking twice on the door, I call out his name.

“Brody?”

No response.

I call out his name twice more, letting him know that lunch is ready for a good measure. Even then, no response.

Is he even inside ?

Then, I hear a loud thud, coupled with curses. Fuck, is he okay in there? Has he hurt himself ?

My hand turns the knob, not expecting the door to swing open. I don’t want to infringe on his privacy, but I’m worried about him, so I peek inside quickly just to see if he’s all right.

What greets me is a pale-knuckled Brody, gripping his bedside table for support. His chest heaves, his head hanging down like it weighs a thousand pounds between his shoulders. The veins in his neck are visible, his forearms bulging, as he tries to hold himself up.

The sight freezes me in my spot for a moment, but then, I kick back into action when I realize what’s happening to him.

A panic attack .

The shortness of breath, the inability to inhale, and your entire body trembling—I know very well what he’s going through.

“Brody,” I call out to him, holding onto his pale knuckles that are still wrapped on the table. “Brody, listen to my voice.”

He grunts, his eyes glazed over as his face rises. He stares at me blankly while panting to catch his breath.

“Brody, you are safe here. You are in your house, in Whitefish, Montana. No one can hurt you. Breathe with me, come on.”

I guide him patiently and slowly, his grip unforgiving as he holds on for his life. It’s the same way he helped me when everything was falling apart. The light returns to his eyes soon enough, and his body ceases trembling.

He starts to slide to the floor, and I slide along with him as the strength leaves his body.

“Brody?” I ask softly as I wrap an arm around his shoulder.

“Lena,” he acknowledges me, rubbing his palms over his face, “I’m sorry you had to see me this way.”

“Don’t apologize,” I command as firmly as possible, “Not for this.”

“I’m supposed to be protecting you, and here I am—”

“And you are protecting me, Brody. Stop being so harsh on yourself, please. For me?”

He opens his mouth to argue, but then, his eyes search my face, and he closes his mouth.

“I just—these come out of nowhere. It’s been so long since I last had a stupid attack like this, I thought I was done with them.”

My heart skips a beat as Brody starts grumbling. Brody is a man who keeps everything to himself. He doesn’t complain, and he sure as hell doesn’t talk about what haunts him, no matter how severe it gets for him. He keeps it all inside, and that’s how he deals with it.

“Brody has been like that since he got out of the service. Some of the things that happened to him there have stayed with him all these years,” Aiden had told me one time when I had questioned him about Brody’s troubles.

“What happened to you, Brody?” I ask him hesitantly, not wanting to cross a boundary and make him clam up again.

He stills and says softly, “I have watched many people die, Lena. When you kill so many people, you start to lose any humanity you have left. It slithers away from you. My last mission, I had to watch children be used as human shields by terrorists. There were only so many we could save but…that image, Lena…” his voice shrivels into a painful croak as his shoulders tremble.

“That image will stay with me for my entire life. The sound of gunshots, and the blood…it never leaves my hands. It will never leave me.”

His harrowed voice tears my heart into pieces. I jump into his lap, tightly embracing him. He shakes as his arms wrap around my waist tightly, as if he is holding onto a lifeline.

“I’m sorry, Brody, I’m sorry you had to go through that,” is all I can say like a broken record, wishing I could take his pain away forever. I press a kiss to the top of his head, holding him until the tremors leave his body.