Page 55 of Single Malt
And it also confirmed that I’d been as discreet about my activities as I’d hoped.
“I know it’s possible,” I said. “But it seems like a lot of work with very little reward, and I haven’t met a man who was worth even a fraction of the trouble.”
Brody’s face flashed into my mind, but I pushed the image aside. Not even the mind-blowing sex we’d had was worth how caught up I’d let myself become. If anything, what had happened between him and I was confirmation that my no-dating, sex-only way of life was best. Scratch an itch and move on. At least with the art exhibit over, and no other events Dr. Ipres would be hosting in the near future, my interactions with Brody McCrae were over.
Concerned text aside.
“You don’t even want to do something like go out to the movies and relax?” Aline pressed the issue. “Have dinner with someone who isn’t me or for something other than your classes?”
I wondered what had prompted this sudden interest, but I had a feeling that if I asked her, it’d only encourage her to dig deeper. I definitely didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t actually want to spend time with a guy for any longer than it took for him to get me off.
Honestly, I didn’t want to have that conversation with anyone because I knew I’d get the kind of disapproval that came from people who claimed they wanted men and women treated equally but who never saw casual sex with different partners as being the same for women as for men. That was a headache I didn’t need.
Even if Aline didn’t respond that way, I didn’t know if she’d keep the information to herself. Not that she’d “tattle” to our parents, but rather that she’d say something when the subject of dating was brought up. I could’ve asked her to not mention it to anyone, and I fully believed that she’d intend to keep that promise, but she could be absent-minded, and there’d always be a risk of her accidentally slipping up.
I’d learned that lesson years ago after I’d taken her Christmas shopping with me when she was twelve and I was sixteen. She’d been so excited about everything we’d bought for our parents that she hadn’t paid attention to the details of what she was saying and her “we found all sorts of great things” became “we bought a new mixer for family cooking and matching fuzzy slippers” and so on. Granted, she wasn’t twelve anymore, but I still rarely shared with her what I bought our parents for Christmas or birthdays.
“I’m happy with my life the way it is,” I said. “Maybe someday in the future, that’ll change, and I’ll want to start thinking about marriage and a family, but right now, my career needs my entire focus.”
The look she gave me said that she didn’t quite believe me, but since she dropped the subject and went back to her books, I had no problem leaving it there. The answer I’d given was true – more or less – but if I had to pick at it, all the things I’d been trying to convince myself of for the last six weeks would crumble. And it wasn’t just my having met Brody, no matter how much I wanted to consider that the catalyst for this change in thinking.
Maybechangewasn’t even the right word, because I wasn’t sure that I’d actually been thinking one way and had recently decided that I no longer thought or felt the same way. Yes, I’d made a clear decision years ago regarding my relationships while I was in college, and I still considered all my reasoning behind that choice to be sound. The part that had me thinking far harder than I liked was that I’d told Aline I was happy with my life the way it was.
Was that a deliberate lie or one that I hadn’t understood to be false until I’d actually said it out loud? When had it changed, or had I ever even really been content with my sole focus being my career?
Except, now that my doubts had forced me to take a closer look at my internal thoughts, could I really even say that my focus was only on my career? The answer to that was easier than the answer to whether or not I was happy.
No. I’d never made my education my top priority, no matter how it looked on the outside. It’d always been Aline first. My choice of university, though it had been mine, had been made with her in mind. My living arrangements. How I spent my time. Even how finding sexual release despite not dating had always been done in ways that worked around what she needed from me. So if I ever did decide that I wanted something more – and I wasn’t ready to give that particular idea a hard look – Aline’s well-being would, of course, be a major factor. It’d always been that way.
And now I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Before I could get too far into my own head, Aline closed her book. “I have a headache.”
“I have some ibuprofen in my purse,” I said as I reached for the bag hanging on the back of my chair.
“No, I think I just want to go back home and lay down.” She stacked her books into a neat pile for the librarians. “Do you mind?”
Concern twisted in my gut. “Of course not.” My books joined hers as I stood. “Let’s go.”
At least I’d gotten most of my important work done and what I hadn’t yet accomplished wasn’t due for two weeks. Once Aline was feeling better, I’d ask how much she finished, and we’d discuss when would be the best time for us to return. Maybe I’d even take the rest of tonight to stay in and relax instead of finding more work to do.
That would be a hell of a lot more appealing than any alternatives I could think of.
Thirty-Six
Brody
I hated Valentine’s Day,but not for the reason a lot of people would think. In my opinion, if a person didn’t want to buy their significant other a present on February 14th, then they shouldn’t have a significant other. Or, at least, not one who expected gifts on Valentine’s Day.
That was one reason I never asked a woman out on or around gift-giving holidays. Hell, I didn’t even hook up with women around Christmas or Valentine’s Day just to make sure there were no misunderstandings. In fact, I avoided pretty much any place there’d be single women when it came to the day of love.
So why, then, was I walking into a party, today of all days, with a half dozen bottles of my best whiskey? Because Dr. Josephs had called in an order for a Valentine’s Day party that the political science, communication, and English departments were throwing, and it’d be good for my business to give faculty members another taste of my product. Besides, he was paying full price like any other customer. The only difference between this order and others was that I was the one delivering it.
The party was being held in the same place where the New Year’s Eve party had been held, which meant, as I walked into the room, I had the unpleasant experience of a flashback to the first time I’d seen Freedom. That blonde hair and amazing body. The eyes that I’d caught looking my way every so often. And then that kiss.
I’d intended that moment to be a nice way to kick off the new year, and instead, it’d been like Benjamin Franklin flying his kite in a thunderstorm. Lightning in a bottle. I’d never had another kiss like it.
Except from her.