Page 49 of Single Malt
And it was this that consumed my mind as I drove the familiar route home. Why did I feel like there should have been more to his text? What, exactly, did I feel that ‘more’ should have been?
Had I been harboring expectations of him, even unconsciously? I’d rebuffed him at the art exhibit, deliberately and with the intent of pushing him away. He’d crossed the line when he’d attempted to put himself into my personal life by introducing himself to Aline.
So then why couldn’t I stop being aggravated by what he’d said…and what hehadn’tsaid?
I reached over to the radio and turned it up. Aline was deep into whatever book she was currently reading and didn’t even acknowledge the increase in volume. That wasn’t surprising. She had always been able to lose herself in a book. I enjoyed reading from time to time, but Aline was the avid reader in the family. Whenever we took trips, she had either a physical book or her e-reader with her to pass the time.
Normally, I didn’t mind if she read or if she wanted to talk while we traveled, but today, I wished that she would have preferred conversation. Even driving couldn’t completely contain all of my attention, and I hated it. This was yet another reason why I’d never liked the idea of actually dating anyone.
Distraction.
Guys just fucked everything up. If you let them, they got in your head, kept you from focusing on the things that really mattered. Like how I was dissecting a text message from a guy I’d blown off. A guy I’d told myself that I didn’t actually want to see again because I’d already spent too much time with him. Let him too close.
The wordcloseimmediately brought images flashing through my mind, bringing with them the memories of the sensations I’d experienced with each one.
His hand on the small of my back, burning through me.
The first time he filled me, making it hard for me to breathe.
The weight of his body on me.
His fingers playing me like a fine instrument.
My stomach clenched in near-painful arousal. Dammit. I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want to still be turned on by him. Didn’t want to picture him in my head with those dimples and sparkling blue-green eyes.
I had a bad feeling that even a weekend at home with my parents wouldn’t be enough to get that hot Scot out of my head.
* * *
I loved my parents,but I couldn’t deny that I was looking forward to going home tomorrow. They’d fawned over and spoiled both Aline and me from the moment we’d stepped in the door, but being here felt almost like being in some sort of bubble. We didn’t watch the news or spend much time on social media, so it was easy to ignore what had happened once we’d gotten past the initial discussion when we’d first arrived.
None of us had brought up anything serious just yet, but I knew my parents well enough to know that it was coming. Since we were leaving tomorrow morning, I wasn’t surprised when they had their serious faces on when we sat down to Saturday brunch.
At least they waited until I’d eaten most of my crepe.
“Have you two met with your advisors regarding your post-graduation plans?” Mom asked.
“We’ll probably do that after mid-terms,” I answered for both of us since Aline had a mouthful of food. “Both of our advisors thought it better to wait until then so that we’d have a better idea of whether or not we’ll be able to graduate.”
Both sets of eyebrows went up, and I quickly explained.
“No, they don’t think either of us will fail our last few classes, but the world is full of unexpected things.” I didn’t bother pointing out that the very reason Aline and I were here instead of at Stanford was because of one of those unexpected things.
“Our advisors talked to us about their preferred way of scheduling meetings when we started our master’s programs.” Aline took a sip of her juice. “Freedom and I both agreed.”
“That would also leave you open to deciding whether or not you want to pursue a doctorate right away,” Dad said. “Is that something either of you are considering?”
And there it was. The subject they’d danced around during the holidays. This extended weekend visit must’ve seemed like a gift. The perfect time to bring it up. Nothing had actually happened, so they didn’t fear encouraging us to stay in school, and it gave them the perfect opportunity to address it without spoiling a holiday.
“While I haven’t set anything in motion, I’ve been thinking that I want to have real-world experience before moving on to a doctorate,” Aline said. “I think it’s a mistake to rely on the academic approach too much. We need hands-on experience to really understand what our students need.”
I loved hearing her talk about teaching. She was so passionate about it, so determined to change the world. So sure that she could do it too. While I did worry about some of the practicalities about wanting to teach upper elementary students, I didn’t believe that she was wasting her time or aiming low.
Teachers played a vital role in the shaping of a young person’s mind, and a great teacher could change the world. Aline would be a great teacher, and I had no doubt that the students who were under her care would go to places like Yale and Stanford and Harvard, Columbia, and Brown. They would be the lawyers and doctors and public servants of generations to come.
Our parents didn’t exactly share that high-minded sentiment. They felt that she needed to aim higher. At the very least, she should complete a doctorate and become a professor somewhere like Stanford, taking a tenured track that could eventually lead to her becoming a Dean or something along those lines. While Aline hadn’t come out and stated that she wasn’t at all interested in being a professor, I wondered if she’d dismissed it in her mind and hadn’t wanted to tell our parents.
I couldn’t say that I blamed her, but I did think that she sometimes saw the world through rose-colored glasses. Most of the time, actually. I knew that was in part due to how much our parents and I had always protected her, but danger came with being a genius, with graduating early from high school and being in college when she was still much younger than her classmates.