Page 17

K ate walked into the office the next morning, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

Lilliana frowned at her and asked, “Bad night?”

“Yeah, you’re not kidding,” she muttered.

Rodney walked in just behind her, took one look, and muttered, “Ouch.”

She shrugged. “I’ll need to bring you guys up-to-date. I’m not sure that it’s helpful at all, but, considering the word that was used in that puzzle box message, it could be.”

They immediately walked closer, and she explained about her stepfather wanting to meet her.

“Right, you told us about that meeting. How did it go?”

“Yes, and Simon did join us. He was pretty-well ignored, but that’s very typical of my stepfather. Ken doesn’t like anybody who’s capable. He doesn’t like anybody who’s not likely to succumb to his charm and to his twisted belief system. Anyway, Ken asked me to recant my statement, which is what put him away. He wants his record cleared, so he can prove he was unjustly convicted. Then he figures he can get big money out of the State, and that will set him up nicely.”

“Good God,” Lilliana replied. “That takes a lot of nerve and a pretty big,… I don’t know, ego or something, to think he could pull that off.”

Kate looked over at her with a wry smile. “Yes, and one thing he said as he walked away was to remind me of something that he always told me to do back then. Of course I’ve blocked memories of him so much that I hadn’t even thought about it until he brought it up last night. He waited for me to figure it out for myself. Then he laughed and walked off because the one thing, no matter what I asked for, be it help with homework, what was for dinner, or basically anything, it would be the same thing. He would give me a smirk and say this one thing. Think .”

“So, I assume a point is in here,” Rodney asked.

The two of them just stared at her, and Kate nodded. “Now remember the wording in the note that came in the puzzle box.”

Lilliana recited the pertinent line. “ You just have to think.” She immediately whistled. “So, when did he get out of prison?”

“You mentioned it was just a couple days ago, didn’t you?” she asked, turning to Rodney.

“I thought it was a couple days,” he conceded, “but I’ll make a call to the prison to see for sure.”

“He could have gotten a message out earlier,” Lilliana suggested. “Just because he might not have walked out the prison doors doesn’t mean he didn’t get somebody to send you that puzzle box and the note earlier.”

“Somebody paid to have it delivered,” Kate pointed out, “and that person didn’t fit Ken’s description.”

“That’s right,” Lilliana murmured, “but then again it was a pretty generic description.”

“But, if Ken was in prison, he didn’t deliver it or pay to get it delivered.”

“Those guys have their ways,” Lilliana added, “but now we have a motive.”

“Yes, we have a motive, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything, except that I think Ken’s involved in some way.”

They pondered that. “He’s got to have something if he considers that you’ll bend over backward to do this for him.”

She nodded. “Maybe so in his twisted mind. I don’t know what that is. I didn’t sleep a wink last night just thinking about it.”

When Colby filed in a few minutes later, Lilliana called him over to discuss this latest development.

Colby asked, “And we’re sure it has nothing to do with these other kids, right?”

“Sure? No,” Kate replied. “I found out that my mother had the same drugs in her system that the murdered kids had. However, she’s so scared that she’ll just tell us that she took them voluntarily.”

“Of course she will,” Colby muttered. “What about your stepfather?”

Kate turned to frown at Rodney.

Rodney nodded. “I’m not sure that he knows a whole lot about the drug trade, but I doubt that anybody coming out of prison is really ignorant of any and all things drugs,” Rodney offered. “If we find out that he was out earlier than the stated date, that opens up more possibilities.”

“And who else does he have in his life?” Colby asked.

“I have no idea,” Kate said, with a shrug. “I avoided him as much as I could, and obviously, once life became even more difficult, I really stayed out of his way. It’s the one thing my mother never blamed me for.”

“Meaning?”

Kate hesitated. “I’m not sure what I mean. I guess it’s just, when he was put away, she didn’t come home and blame me for having taken away her man.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Colby asked.

“Sure,” she conceded, “but, when you consider that she blames me for my brother, it doesn’t make any sense.”

Rodney blurted out that the whole lot of them needed to be shot.

She snorted. “If it would bring my brother back, I would be happy to do it.”

He nodded sadly at her. “I’m sorry,” he hesitated. “Did Simon do anything with that information on Peter?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“So,” Colby began, “I hate to say it, but, considering all these cases may intersect on the drug angle alone, I think you need to go see our resident shrink and see if you can do anything to bring up whatever connotations these subjects mean for you.” When she stared at him in dismay, he nodded. “I know, but you also know yourself that, if this were a completely different case, you would be looking for any possible way to get that information out of your subject.”

She winced and sagged against her chair. “ Great ,” she muttered. “It’s bad enough that this is my life being torn apart in front of all of you, but now you want to get into my head and dredge up my childhood memories? Wasn’t living through it bad enough?”

“Yeah, I think it’s way worse than bad enough,” Colby noted, “and that’s why this has been brought up and around again. So either somebody thinks he can get you to do what he wants you to do by invoking all of what went wrong with your brother, stirring up any residual feelings of guilt, reminding you that you’re the one who put him away, or else something else is going on. Regardless it’s well overdue for you to talk to Dr. Dudley.”

She stared at him, trying to come up with any excuse that would get her out of it.

Even Rodney winced, then looked at her and admitted, “He’s right, you know? If it was me, you would be telling me to go do exactly that.”

Lilliana nodded. “None of us wants to talk to the shrink when it comes to this very personal kind of stuff, but you seem to be linked in all this mess—the current cases, the little boy Peter, and definitely with your brother Timmy and your mother’s supposed drug OD. What we don’t know is how in the hell all this is connected to the others—or if it connects to yet again something else.”

“Ken’s probably just yanking my chain.”

Colby shook his head. “Which is another reason we need you to talk to Dr. Dudley, to ensure something in there can break free with the doc, not out on a case or driving or whatever, and have you go off the wall on us.”

She snorted at that. “If I didn’t go off the wall when my brother went missing, when I was blamed for it, I won’t go off the wall now.”

“You know what I mean,” Colby stated.

She didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t what she expected, and she felt a bit blindsided by her own team. Yet she should have seen it coming. It was almost a standard department policy. She didn’t like it happening, and she sure as hell didn’t like it happening with everybody here watching.

Colby looked over at her, glanced down at his phone, and said, “Best you do it now.” He looked around the room, watching everyone. “I’ll let the doc know you’re on the way.” And, with that, Colby headed into his office.

Kate didn’t know what to do, and she stared from one to the other, her shoulders sinking as she realized she would have to dredge up all that crap. All of it. That would be something she didn’t want to do in any way, shape, or form.

Rodney sat down beside her, closer than he normally would. “Look. I know this isn’t what you want. I know that you would do a lot to avoid facing this, but we must consider the fact that something could be rolling around in your brain that you don’t remember. A child’s brain, a child’s memories, but now you’re an adult. So maybe something is in there that we can use for your brother.”

She stared at him. “I’ve spent a lifetime going over everything,” she murmured.

“Yes, but you were alone in doing that,” Lilliana pointed out, coming up beside her. “However, you aren’t alone anymore. It took us a while to get here, but we’re here now,” she declared. “We understand that you’ve got concerns over these kids, and believe me that we do too. Now there’s a problem with a designer drug that’s affecting people, and potentially that designer drug also had something to do with what happened to your mother.”

“And now my stepfather shows up,” Kate noted, shaking her head. “How the hell did I end up in the middle of all this crap?”

“Not because you’re trying to,” Lilliana pointed out.

Rodney nodded. “And we get that. Honest we do. We don’t want to be in your face and in your life any more than we have to. Honest to God, it’s sad enough as it is. Go talk to the doc and get it done.”

“Just take the afternoon off,” Lilliana added. “And don’t even try to tell us that it won’t affect you.” Now she glared at Kate.

Kate glared back at both of them, and Rodney nodded. “I know how awful it’ll be for you. It’ll be like tearing off your skin, one strip at a time,” he described, “but you still need to go through it, so go.”

He spoke in such a way that she automatically stood, hating it, but knowing she had to. With a heavy heart and panic blowing up inside, she headed to the shrink’s office. The most she could hope for was that he would be out of town, busy, or something, but unfortunately, as she approached, the door opened in front of her.

Dr. Dudley stood there with a smile and greeted her. “Hi, I heard I should expect you.” When he noticed her frowning, he sighed and added, “One of these days you’ll learn to trust me.”

Kate’s eyebrows shot up at that.

“It’s okay if that’s not today, but maybe just try and understand that I’m here to help, and, today of all days, it sounds as if you need it. Now come on in.” With that, he ushered her inside and closed the door behind her. He motioned to a chair and said, “I just got off the phone with your boss.”

“Colby wanted me to come down,” she stated, keeping her tone calm enough that maybe she was in control, though that was a lie she wouldn’t tell him.

“He filled me in on a little that’s been going on.”

“That’s because a little is all we know,” she replied.

“Agreed, and it seems as if maybe you have more in your head than you possibly even realize.”

“I don’t know about that.” She stared at him.

“Have you ever done hypnosis to try to trigger some memories?”

“Why would anybody want to do that?” she asked.

He studied her and nodded. “I gather those memories are pretty rough.”

“Yeah, they’re definitely pretty rough,” she stated. “Not everybody had two nice parents, with the picket fence home,” she said, trying to keep the caustic tone out of her voice and failing.

He nodded. “I know it always seems as if everybody had that, but it’s amazing just how many dysfunctional families are out there. Turns out, it’s the norm, more than the other way around.” She shrugged in response. “So, do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“You already talked to Colby,” she replied, “so there’s nothing for me to say.”

His lips twitched at that. “Maybe you could just tell me in your own words.” She just stared at him, not speaking. He took a long breath and exhaled. “Okay, so let’s go over the facts. We know your brother is missing, and we know that your stepfather, the man you helped put away, is now out of prison. Can you tell me how you felt when you saw him?”

“Numb,… as if he really didn’t belong in my world anymore.”

“Oh, that’s good. That means you’ve moved past it.”

“Of course I’ve moved past it,” she snapped bitterly. “I’m not that child anymore.”

He nodded. “Right, but it’s amazing how many of our inner children”—he shook his head—“don’t really get to move out of our immediate world. We keep them close.”

“We keep them close so we can keep them safe,” she pointed out, “and, when they’re safe, we can let them go.”

“And where do they go?” he asked.

“Presumably deep into your psyche, where you don’t need them anymore.”

“I like that too because, of course, they’re always a part of us.”

“All of our history is a part of us,” she pointed out. “It’s not as if we can walk away from what happened, but that doesn’t mean it’s part of my present.”

“So, what do you do with all that nightmare that happened?”

She stared at him. “In my brother’s case, I’m still working on it. I want justice for Timmy. In my case, I pounded it deep into a dark hole that never has to see the light of day again.” He winced at that. “It worked,” she snapped.

“It works until something triggers it and rips it wide open.”

“Then you slap it back down again,” she declared, with a shrug. “It’s not as if I can let it go. It’s not as if you can ever forget. I just don’t want to constantly be reminded of it.”

“That’s quite true, but dealing with it and finding a way to make peace with it—”

“Making peace with it?” she repeated, looking at him in astonishment. “I’ve made peace with it in terms of being an adult, and that’s the world I live in right now. It’s not something I ever want to come back up again. How do you make peace with something like that?”

“And yet look at the work you do.”

“Of course,” she agreed. “How else would I find out about my brother’s case?”

He sat back, looked at her for a moment, then down at the papers in front of him. “I guess that makes a lot of sense as to why you joined the force, doesn’t it?”

“It’s why I was determined to join the force,” she shared, “but it’s definitely not why I’ve stayed.”

“That’s a very fine distinction too,” he noted.

“Of course, doing the work I do helps others,” she explained, “and I get to put away assholes, like the one who hurt my brother.”

“You’re assuming he’s dead?”

She pondered that. “A part of me says it’s foolish to keep hoping, but, until there’s a body, there’s always hope.” He wrote something down on the pad of paper in front of him, and she frowned. “You’ll just sit here and write everything down?”

“For the record, that’s the first thing I’ve written down,” he noted calmly.

“Sure, but there’s bound to be more.”

He flashed a smile at her. “Maybe. That’s how I process information. You seem remarkably well adjusted.”

“So now you’re looking to see whether that’s a facade?”

He laughed. “What would you like me to do?”

“Pour me a cup of coffee, sit here for ten minutes, and talk to me about nothing important. Then tell Colby that I’m fine.”

He blinked at that, looked over to where the coffeepot sat, and nodded. “You’re more than welcome to have a cup of coffee.” He got up, poured her a cup, and took it to her. “Don’t you have coffee in the bullpen?”

“Sure, but I figured yours might be better.”

At that, he grinned at her. “You’re right. I’m a little bit fussy about my coffee.”

She nodded. “I’ve known people like that.”

“I understand that you have an interesting partner as well.”

She stiffened and glared at him.

He nodded. “Ah, you want that to be an off-topic conversation as well?”

“It’s not relevant.”

“You don’t think whether you have a balanced home life is relevant to your mental health?”

“Doesn’t matter whether it’s balanced or not. When the job calls, I’m there,” she stated, “and then everything is off balance.”

He pondered that for a few moments and then nodded. “That’s very true, but it also helps if you know that you have someplace to go when things get—how shall I say it?… Difficult .”

“It’s the job,” she stated.

“It is the job, but it sounds to me that because you have that relationship, it’s helping you do your job better.” She glared at him, and his eyebrows shot up. “And that upsets you.”

“I can do the job without him.”

A small smile played at the corner of his lips. “I’m not saying you need him to do your job. I’m saying that having him in your life is making it easier for you to do your job.”

“I don’t know about that,” she argued, frowning at him, not sure she liked where he was going with this. “The jury is still out on that.”

“Good enough,” he conceded, with a laugh. “Meaning, you haven’t been in the relationship long enough.”

“Something like that,” she muttered. “I’m still trying to figure it all out.”

“But you are figuring it out,” he noted, “and that’s a good thing.”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that either. It just seemed that mine fields of information were opening up in front of her, and she may or may not have the right answer. It was like school all over again.

“What don’t you like about being here?”

“I don’t like baring my soul. I don’t like having you picking apart my answers. And I don’t like the feeling of being tested and giving the wrong answers and, therefore, failing.”

He stopped, his jaw dropping ever-so-slightly, before he snapped it closed again. “That was very succinct.”

“Sure it is, Doc. Everything I say to you, you’re analyzing. Whether I’m fit for duty, whether I need assistance in some way, shape, or form,” she explained, with a wave of her hand. “Nobody wants to be put through all that.”

“I can agree with that,” he admitted, “but I’m not here for anybody else’s purpose or benefit but yours.”

“Yes, you are. You got me in here because Colby asked you to. You’ll report to Colby, whether I like it or not,” she argued. “So this isn’t for me. This is for you and for him.”

He winced. “Let me rephrase that. I’m here to help you, if you have any issues that require assistance.”

“I don’t,” she declared.

He groaned. “Whether you think you do or not, there is also a departmental requirement to go through these sessions on an annual basis,” he shared, with a smile. “We could just look at this as being your annual visit.”

“We could,” she muttered, “but you also know that Colby will be on the phone almost immediately, asking you for an evaluation.”

“And I will give it to him,” he shared, with a smirk. “You’re prickly, a bit sharp. You’re guarded because of previous hurts. You don’t want to let anybody in because, as far as you’re concerned, that’s a waste of your time.”

She shrugged.

“Am I right?” When she didn’t respond, he continued. “It’s not so much that you deny you have things to deal with but you don’t want to take the time to deal with them. You want to get back out on the streets and deal with those people instead.”

“Sure, because I understand those people.”

And, with that, a beautiful smile broke across his face. “Exactly, and I’m here to help you understand the ones that you’re keeping buried, so they’re not buried anymore, and so you can function without all those burdens. So you can finally be free.”

“But you can’t remove the burdens,” she stated, shrugging again. “So you can’t free me of anything. What’s the point of dragging them all out and looking at them, when you can’t do anything about it?”

“And how do you know I can’t?”

She stared at him. “Because I don’t think anybody can. These burdens , as you call them, are a part of my history, and you can’t take them away or make me feel better about them just because they are over.”

“Maybe not, but we can work on removing the aspect of guilt from them.” At that, she narrowed her eyes and glared at him. “And that triggers you in an awful way.”

“I spent a lifetime feeling guilty,” she stated, “and these days I work damn hard not to.”

“And I agree with that,” Dr. Dudley replied, raising his hands in his defense, “because you’re not guilty. Not in any way. You were a child, and, if your mother chose to blame you, that’s on her. It was a situation you had no control over,” he pointed out. “So, the question now is, have you dealt with that and moved on, or does something keep coming around to bite you in the ass?”

She snorted at that. “Of course it’ll keep biting me in the ass,” she muttered. “Shit like that always does. However, it’s how long I let it affect me that becomes the question.”

“Could you explain that?”

“It just means that, when life happens, either you let it keep you down or you pick yourself back up and you move on,” she explained. “I won’t sit here and wallow about a childhood, or a mother who loved her bottle and her drugs more than she loved her kids. I don’t know what it’s like to experience what she went through, and I have absolutely no intention of experiencing the life she did. Thus, I can’t judge her for it. I already judge her enough for what she did to me, so I don’t want to judge her for anything she may have done to someone else.”

“Did she have other relationships?”

She shrugged. “Some, but not many after my brother disappeared. Or, if she did, I wasn’t part of it.”

“You went to foster care, did you not?”

“She gave me to social services,” she clarified.

He stared at her. “That must have hurt.”

“Yes, but I think it was probably easier on both of us. You really can’t blame her for that. I think it was probably a saving grace for me,” she admitted. “I don’t know much about the foster people I went to. I just developed a hard shell and moved through life.”

“And your stepfather?”

“I had to go through the courts with him too,” she said, with a nod.

“And what about your mother? How did she handle that?”

“I was in social services at that point in time, so I wasn’t around her that much. As far as I know, she never really blamed me for sending him to prison, but what do I know?” she muttered, with a shrug. “There weren’t always men around her,” Kate noted, looking back to that era. “Sometimes, but not always. As an adult looking back, I always wondered about that. She didn’t seem to be the kind to need a man, and yet there seemed to always be enough drama and chaos to destroy my world. And, of course, who knows about my brother. It should be one of the questions the detectives need to talk to her about.” With that, she pulled out her phone and texted Rodney and Lilliana.

When she was done, the psychiatrist looked at her and asked, “Could you put away your phone, please?” She nodded and put it away, then he immediately went on. “Is everything work for you?”

She frowned at him. “Shouldn’t it be?”

His eyebrows shot up. “No, other things should be going on in your life, thoughts of the future, hobbies, things that you do outside of work.”

She stared at him. “Simon bought a boat, and we’ve gone out on that a few times.”

“And when you say, he bought a boat …”

“He bought a damn boat,” she repeated, with a shrug. “It has its own name, Running Mate . I don’t know anything about it. It’s just… a boat, so I don’t know what else to say.”

His lips twitched. “And do you like going out there?”

“I love it,” she said immediately. “I love being on the water. I love the sense of peace and serenity out there. Getting more and more time out there will definitely be something we work on.”

“What do you do for hobbies?” She frowned at him again. “I gather you don’t really have any.”

“I have some,” she replied, choosing her words carefully. She knew perfectly well that the department liked you to have hobbies, and they liked you to do things outside of work.

“So, today when you go home, what will you do?”

“I’ll stop off and do a bout or two of jujitsu,” she said. “Fitness is important to me, and it’s a good way to blow off steam.”

“And do you do that often?”

“A couple times a week, depending.” She shrugged. “Sometimes I just go home and collapse.”

“Because of work?”

“Because of work, life, stress, whatever,” she said. “It’s not as if we have enough staff to handle all the cases we have, and it’s not as if we get enough information to close even half of what we have on our dockets. That’s frustrating, and, when you get frustrated, it’s best to find a way to deal with it.”

“Agreed,” he murmured. They talked a little bit more, and then he came back around again. “How do you feel about your mother?”

“She’s a bitch.” She said it without rancor, and he just stared at her. She shrugged. “What do you want me to say? She lost her son, her only son, and blamed her seven-year-old daughter for it.”

“Why did she do that?”

“Because it allowed her to avoid blaming herself,” Kate declared, staring at him. “I’m sure you can figure that part out.”

His lips twitched. “Yes, I just wondered if you did.”

“Of course I did,” she stated, with a wave of her hand. “Yet it doesn’t change anything. She still made life miserable for me in order to make it less miserable for herself.”

He smiled at that. “Have you had any contact with her?”

“Minimal, and she was remanded to some mental health or drug and alcohol rehab for quite a while. I’m not exactly sure on that, since, up until now, we’ve been out of contact. Apparently she got herself together enough to be released to a halfway house program and then to independent living. Then I had to see her as part of work here, a few days ago. Then again at the hospital after she had an overdose, or something completely different as part of our open case,” she explained, never breaking eye contact with him. “The first time, she punched me in the face, and the second she told me to not darken her doors again. If it was connected to the law, to send my colleagues instead.”

When he looked at her in surprise, she shrugged. “I mean, if you’re expecting a nice warm reunion, that opportunity passed a long time ago.”

“What if she no longer blames you? Would that have changed how you feel about her?”

“No,” she snapped. “That time has come and gone.”

“And you don’t see that ever changing?”

She glared at him. “No, that will never change.”

*

Sitting at the coffee shop, going over scads and scads of papers, Simon decided to sit outside. While the weather wasn’t likely to be good for long, being outside was great for a few minutes’ break from the rain and the blustery December weather. He also realized how quickly Christmas was encroaching his time table and how that would impact his supply deliveries for each of his rehab projects. He frowned as he turned his attention to that. He needed to schedule time off for everybody and then assess how long he wanted to close down the sites. He knew everybody would want Christmas to New Year’s off, but that wasn’t something he was particularly fond of.

He hadn’t celebrated Christmas in a very long time and imagined that Kate hadn’t either. Yet maybe it was time to do that. Maybe it was time to go out and support that time of year. Somehow it felt wrong to do it. However, it felt wrong not to. Frowning, he realized it was way too cold to be sitting outside, so he quickly packed up his paperwork, put it back in his briefcase, stood up, and walked away, his coffee in hand.

He headed to the women’s shelter, knowing that Christmas would be even tougher for them. There would be kids in there, still hopeful of some kind of a Christmas. As he got there, Lisa stood outside, speaking with somebody.

She spied him and gave him a little nod. When the person she was speaking to left, Lisa walked over to him. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself. Problems?”

“There are always problems,” she noted, with a smile. “I’m trying to get the furnace back up and running. I’ve got some grant funding for it, but the price has really gone up since I applied for the grant, you know?”

He nodded. “What are they looking at?”

“I don’t really know. He gave me a quote but it wasn’t a great scenario, as it needs to be replaced.”

“You need a new one? Most of the time they just need servicing,” he noted. “Generally they tend to go forever.”

“And you’re right. Generally they do. But, in this case, forever has called.”

“Aah, so it’s at least twenty-five-years old.”

“Twenty-three, I think.”

“Yeah, so you might limp along for another year or two, but you’ll need to replace it. A new one will be a whole lot more efficient and cheaper to run though.”

“Cheaper to run would be nice,” she muttered. “I’m still fighting to get back to the same funding that I had before, and that wasn’t even enough.”

“Right, I understand that. Let me know how it goes with the furnace. I might be able to help.”

She looked over at him and nodded gratefully. “Your help and continued support are very much appreciated.”

“It’s about the women in there.”

“And the kids,” she added, tearing up.

“Did you get any extra funding for Christmas?”

She shook her head. “No, and nobody in the grant world thinks there should be a Christmas for displaced kids,” she muttered in a half-mocking tone. “Not the kids and mothers who are here anyway.”

“What about the food bank?”

“I’ve registered with a couple to help,” she shared, “and some charities. I’m hopeful something will come through.”

“You should have heard by now if they would.”

She frowned and wrapped her arms around her chest. “I know,… but, once the news got out, we lost a lot of support.”

“Even though it wasn’t your fault?”

“Yes, but you know how it is when there is even a hint of scandal. It wasn’t my fault, and these women who come for us to help certainly don’t deserve to be blamed,” Lisa explained. “It’s been tough on them too.”

“Damn,” he muttered. He pulled out his wallet and handed over what he had in it. “I know it’s never enough. I’ll see what I can do about helping for Christmas. Do you have anybody who could do some shopping?”

She looked over at him. “No, not really. There’s just me now.”

“Right,” he said, feeling frustrated. “Let me think about it.” And, with that, he turned and headed off. It was one thing to not celebrate Christmas, but it was another thing to have these kids not celebrate Christmas. That would upset him even more.

As he walked through the alley, it finally hit him that Christmas was right around the corner, even though the annual build-up had been going on for weeks. That meant a whole pile of BS issues that he didn’t want to deal with. As a rehab business they didn’t deal with Christmas very well. Everything around them shut down. Supplies wouldn’t come in on time, and schedules were just a mess.

It hadn’t been very Christmassy in his world so far, and, for that, he was quite grateful, but it would hit others pretty hard. He also needed to think about what he wanted to do with Kate, if anything. He was pretty sure she would probably just look at him and say something like, I’m working .

He wasn’t sure she even knew what Christmas was, and that just made him feel even worse. Neither one of them really had a life or a childhood where Christmas really mattered or where they could even expect to see anything special at Christmastime.

He thought about that, wondering just how much of a Christmas she’d ever even experienced. Maybe when her brother was still alive, but then, as he thought about her stepfather, he wasn’t sure that Christmas was even a safe topic to bring up with her.

As he walked through the back alleys, heading to the street on the other side, his phone rang. He pulled it out and saw it was Rodney. “Problems?” he asked, his tone sharp.

Rodney took a breath. “Look. Kate will kill me if she knows I’ve called you,” he began, “but I just wanted to give you a heads-up that she was forced to talk to the psychologist today.”

“Ah, crap,” he muttered.

“She didn’t go willingly. Colby demanded she go, what with her stepfather in town and maybe behind this puzzle-box note. Plus, she could have repressed or otherwise hidden memories inside her own psyche that are relevant to Timmy’s case.”

“Of course Colby did, and, if Kate was thinking logically, that’s precisely what she would want anyone in a similar situation to do,” Simon added.

“Exactly, and that was probably the argument that made her sit up, take notice, and follow through,” Rodney shared. “The issue now is that she hasn’t come back, and I don’t know how long the appointment would last,” Rodney shared. “There’s a good chance that she is heading home, heading to you, or going to ground.”

“Right, and is she expected back at the end of the day?”

“No, at least I don’t think so.”

“And you guys are taking over these cases that are driving her nuts?”

“Yes, we’re working on it, although it’s all kind of intertwined. You don’t know anybody who is doing designer drugs or anything, do you?”

“No, not in my personal world, no,” Simon said, “but I’ve been fairly diligent at keeping completely separated from people who go that route. It’s just not my scene. Unfortunately, I have come across the impacts of drug and alcohol use at various times, just because of employees showing up for work, thinking that it’s totally safe to do that. Or not showing up at all, for that matter.”

“Right,” Rodney muttered. “Of course, you get to be the one who reminds them that a paycheck comes with job safety, or then they don’t get a paycheck.”

Simon laughed. “Something like that, yes.”

“If you do hear of anything out there,” he added, “we’re looking at Kate’s mother as using or given the overdose of the exact same designer drug that we have two kids dead from.”

Simon contemplated that in silence. “Wow. Okay, that’s not cool.”

“No, it’s not, but we’re not exactly sure how any of these cases are related, or if they even are.”

“The fact that you’ve got the same drug, the same variation of a relatively new drug in all three means that they do relate, at least in some way.”

“That’s Kate’s theory.”

Simon stared down at his phone. “If that’s Kate’s theory, that’s the one I’m going with.”

He rang off from his conversation with Rodney and stood here for a long moment, wondering what would be the best avenue for supporting Kate. Then he realized that just taking her away and giving her a few hours to assimilate and to digest everything that had gone on might be the best course of action. He quickly phoned her, but when there was no answer, he frowned and called again. Still nothing.

He walked back home and called for a hot meal to be delivered. If nothing else, he could potentially get her out on the boat, where they could just spend a few hours floating. Hopefully she could just forget about everything and relax. It’s not something she did very often, but, if he could make it happen, it would be huge for her. As soon as he got home, he smiled at his doorman, who looked at him with a questioning gaze. “I’m fine, honest. If you see Kate, send her right up, will you?”

Harry nodded. “Is there a problem?”

“I suspect that she’s had a very rough day,” he replied.

“Got it,” Harry murmured. “Let’s hope she gets here soon then.”

As soon as Simon got upstairs, he packed up warm blankets and a bunch of stuff they had planned on taking the next time they went out on the boat. He’d had it serviced and had the heater fixed too. That thought reminded him about the furnace over at the women’s shelter.

Frowning, he knew something about furnaces, and he’d certainly dealt with them on his rehab projects, but that didn’t mean he had all the details on them. He did have somebody he could ask to check out the heater at the women’s shelter. He quickly made that call, and while he was learning about furnaces for houses, he packed up more stuff that he thought they might need. Even just getting out there for a while would help him, and he hoped it would help Kate as well.

As he moved the bag to the front door, the elevator opened, and Kate stood there.

She looked at him, bewildered. “I didn’t mean to come here,” she said, staring at him.

He walked over, enveloped her in his arms, and just held her. He knew she would never cry, at least not unless he could get her to break down and to let some of this go, but maybe just being held would help.