Page 47 of Silver Sanctuary (The Silver Springs #3)

Twenty-Nine

N ash paced up and down the table in the conference room.

“There’s something we’re fucking missing. Tracker, you find anything weird in those files?”

Gage had been sifting through every public arrest record and warrant he could get his hands on from Silver Springs and the surrounding towns, as far back as the digitized records would allow him.

“Nothing yet. But something will turn up.”

“It’s not enough!” Nash growled, his fist slamming down on the table. “We’re not seeing something. She’s fucking gone and it’s just like before.”

A hand came down on Nash’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s take a walk. You need a break.”

There wasn’t a single fucking cell in Nash’s body that wanted to listen to Stone in that moment. “Doc, what I fucking need is to find my daughter.”

“I know. But you’re not going to be any good to the team, or to her, like this. Let’s go. A walk. Now. ”

Nash nodded. “Sorry, Gage. I know you’re doing everything you can.”

“You bet your ass I am. And I know we’ll find her in time.”

Stone held the door open for him, his eyes darting down the hallway to the courtyard door. Lacy was out there—he should go to her. Make sure she was okay. Clearly Stone knew exactly what he was thinking, because instead of letting him walk down the hallway, he shoved Nash toward the gym.

But they didn’t even make it that far, because Nash stumbled into the kitchen, his eyes stinging with tears he knew he couldn’t let fall.

“Let it out.”

Nash shook his head, but his back pressed against the wall and he slid down, the weight of failing someone else he loved crashing over him.

“This is my fault.” His lip quivered as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “How the fuck is this happening again, Stone? How the fuck am I this bad at keeping them safe?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I failed Gage. I failed Sloane! I should have seen the signs that something was escalating with Lacy before she got the shit beat out of her. And now… I couldn’t keep Embrie safe. Someone fucking took her! You know what that sick fuck Adam did to Lacy! What if someone worse took our daughter?”

“We don’t know that’s the case. Focus on the facts, Wings. There just isn’t enough information to crash out over all the possibilities.”

Fuck. Nash’s stomach rolled at the thought of an unknown monster taking Embrie from them. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“It’s supposed to give you hope. Because as bad as things could be, there could also be something else going on here. Something we don’t understand. Something that means Embrie is safe.”

“That’s not how this fucked up world works, and you know it.” Nash’s hand smoothed across his forehead before pushing his fingers through his hair.

“And this isn’t how we work. We don’t rush into situations without knowing the details.

We don’t fuck around with emotional what-ifs.

Get it out—right here, right now. Because the minute something comes across one of those deputies’ radios out there, you’re gonna want to be a part of the play.

And they won’t let you be if they think you’re close to losing it. ”

“You’re right. I just… I lost it for a second.” He cleared his throat, standing up. “I’m good.”

“Nash?” He turned from Stone back to the doorway, where Sloane was standing.

“Hey.” It wasn’t hard to miss the tear tracking down her face. “You okay?”

“I didn’t know. I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overhear that. But I didn’t know that you felt like you let us down.”

He shrugged. “How could I not? I was supposed to have your backs. I was the reason you guys were taken. Everything you suffered through that night was because of me.”

Sloane shook her head, walking right up to Nash before pulling him into a hug. “Don’t you ever blame yourself for that night again. I don’t hold one single second of it against you, and neither does Gage. Understood?”

His hands wrapped around her back. “Yeah.”

“Good.” She released her hold on him. “I’m going to go check on Lacy now. She’s been on her own for long enough.”

“Sloane, she…”

“Yeah, I know. She thinks I blame her too, doesn’t she?”

He nodded .

“I’ll make sure she understands the only person I blame can’t hurt any of us anymore.”

How long could someone stay underwater without taking a breath? Surely, the average person would only last a few minutes, but Lacy had been drowning all day. Since the moment she answered her phone.

Her fingernails dug deep into her thighs.

How long would this torture last? How long would Embrie be out there—scared, alone, waiting for them to find her?

How many times had Nash said he’d always keep them safe?

Lacy hoped that Embrie was clinging on to that now.

As the sun set and the cool evening air spread through town, Lacy prayed her daughter was holding onto the promise Nash had made her as night began.

A night where she wouldn’t be with Embrie.

The first night Lacy wouldn’t be with her baby since she first held a newborn Embrie in her arms.

“Lacy?” Sloane’s voice pierced through the silent air.

“Did Nash… did he hear something? Did someone come forward?” Lacy jumped up from her chair, fighting through a wave of nausea.

“No. I’m sorry, there hasn’t been another update. He was starting to unravel a bit, so Stone was with him, and I just wanted to come out and check on you.”

The pressure behind her eyes overwhelmed her.

It was too much. To hear Nash was falling apart because of her…

She’d failed him. She’d failed Embrie. The most precious gifts she’d ever been given in life, the ones she was supposed to protect with everything she had… she’d failed at being a mom and a wife.

“I’m sorry, Sloane. Mae and Lily told me I didn’t have to apologize, but I do.

And I need you to know that I am so sorry.

I’m sorry for what my mother did to this town.

I’m sorry that she was sick, and had an addiction, and I didn’t know how to get her help.

I’m sorry that a little boy died because she drove under the influence of those drugs she loved more than me, and it changed everything in his family’s life.

And how horrifically that impacted you. I’m responsible for so much pain and destruction and I can’t help but think that this is my payback.

That Embrie was taken to balance the scales. ”

“Lacy—”

“No!” she shouted. Taking a deep breath, Lacy tried to hold her voice steady. “No. I just had to say that. You don’t have to feel pressured to say something nice. I’m just so sorry, Sloane.”

The two women stood across from each other, silent for several passing heartbeats.

“You can tell me no,” Sloane said softly. “But I was wondering if I could give you a hug.”

Lacy froze. “Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable for you? My mother… everything that happened to you… I know you have to blame me.”

“I don’t blame you for a single bit of it. I don’t think any rational person would. I don’t have much to offer because I’m still working through my own trauma, but I have learned that leaning on my friends, on my family , helps tremendously. And you are my family.”

“I would love a hug.” Lacy’s breath hitched as she forced her tears away. Sloane closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Lacy.

“You can let it out. It’s okay to not be okay right now. I’m not here to judge you, or tell you to be strong, or how to react in this situation. You’re safe with me. You just do whatever you need to, and I’ll keep everyone else at bay until you’re ready to go back inside. ”

She held onto Sloane like her life depended on it. No tears fell, no words came out, but she still clung to her. Like this woman, who had suffered so much in her own life yet had made it through, could give her some magic solution to make everything better.

“Is he… is he okay?” Her voice shook as she forced her breath to even out. “I should be making sure he’s okay. I’m the worst wife.”

“You’re a mom who is worried about her child.

Nash will be okay in the here and now because this is what they are trained for.

These men will push their emotions down to make it calmly through the crisis at hand.

They’ll come up with a plan, and do everything in their power to bring her back.

” Sloane sighed, her arms still remaining tightly around Lacy.

“It will be in those quiet moments after she’s back safe in your arms that you’ll need to be the strong one.

You’ll need to be his safe place then. Because his mind is finally going to let him think about all the ways things could have gone wrong—all the ways he could have failed at protecting the both of you, on top of the guilt of what actually happened.

He’s going to be the strong one now, keeping everything together for your marriage and your family.

And you’ll be the strong one once the dust settles. ”

“I love him so much, Sloane. I will be there for him. But he’s seeing me unravel and no one ever stays after that.”

“Do you really think that? After everything the two of you have faced in such a short time that this man isn’t in it to walk through life with you?

I was there, Lacy. I heard the vows he made to you.

Those weren’t copied from some website, or stolen from some movie.

Those were words written from his soul. He will stay. ”

Lacy loosened her hold on Sloane, who took a step back and gave her arms a squeeze.

“I think I need to go back to his office.”

“She’ s been a little out of it since we came in here,” Sloane whispered as Lacy continued to stare at the artwork on Nash’s wall.

The photograph was so beautiful. A wide open field, mountains off in the distance.

She wondered if someone had taken it on his grandparents’ property in Montana.

They were all supposed to go there together one day—to meet his family. Their first vacation together…

“I tried to get her to eat, or drink something, but she just wanted to sit and be here for when you came back.”

“Thanks, Sloane. Go get some rest.”

“I don’t want to go too far. I’ll just be with Gage if either of you needs anything.”

The door shut quietly, Lacy’s eyes finally catching Nash’s movements toward her.

“You should try to eat something.” He set another plate down on the coffee table next to the one filled with food that Sloane had tried to get her to eat, and Lacy’s stomach lurched.

“I can’t.” Her throat burned, more tears desperate to find their way out of her body.

She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t peel her eyes away from the fucking picture above his desk.

All she could do was think over and over and over if Embrie would ever be able to go there one day.

She’d been so excited to meet Nanny and Pops. What if she never…

“I’m sorry, Nash.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”

“I’m not holding it together. You should go. Embrie needs you to be out with the team, trying to find her.”

“The guys are working with the sheriff’s department right now. This is where I need to be.”

“I want to be stronger. You deserve so much more than a wife who curls up on a sofa and loses her mind when the worst happens. ”

“Hey.” Nash’s hands framed her face. “Stop that, right now. You think I’m not losing my mind?

You think that I wouldn’t be curled up right here with you on this sofa if I didn’t have training that conditioned me to react calmly in the face of chaos?

Even that went out the window a little bit ago because this isn’t someone else we’re trying to find.

It’s our daughter. I want to scream, Lace.

I want to rip through every house in this town, in this county, in this state, to find her.

You’re handling this exactly how any mother would, and the fact that you’re being so hard on yourself is proof that you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. ”

“I just want her back. I just… I need her back.”

“We’re going to get her back.”

“The chances now… Someone could have?—”

“No.” Nash dropped his hands and wrapped them around Lacy, pulling her into his chest. That’s when she snapped, again.

She’d lost count of how many times she’d fallen apart since that phone call from Embrie’s teacher.

Five? Ten? A million? What mom would ever be able to keep their composure in the nightmare she was living through?

“I want to wake up, Nash,” she cried. “Please, tell me I can wake up from this nightmare now! I know how this is going to end—I feel it, and I won’t survive it. I won’t survive her being taken from us!”

He shifted his hold on her, so that one hand moved up to stroke her hair. The act should have been calming, but Lacy was teetering on a razor’s edge. “You have to hold on to hope. You have to.”

Her fists curled tighter around the fabric she’d grabbed up from his shirt.

Lacy wanted to scream so loudly that her throat would rip to shreds.

So loudly that her eardrums would burst. But all she could manage was to pound her fists into her husband’s chest while she fought to drag any air into her lungs.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” he cooed, over and over like he was placating a small child. And that’s truly how helpless she felt. The trembling was back, starting in her feet and hands, making its way through her body like wildfire.

“M-my body feels weird. I’m g-going to be sick,” she moaned, the edges of her vision going white while the room spun around her. But when her body fell slack against Nash’s, she knew something was wrong.

“Doc!” Nash roared, but it sounded distant, muffled. Static and choppy. Maybe she was finally waking up. Maybe the nightmare was almost over.

Lacy’s teeth chattered, the shaking now completely consuming her body as Nash’s warm hand pressed against her neck.

“Head between your legs, baby. Just breathe. Focus on your breathing, Lace. Slow, deep breaths.” Nash’s commands came with a warm hand pressing against her back, guiding her head down between her knees.

Someone else was there, by her other side, but the haziness in her vision hadn’t passed.

She felt them reaching for her wrist. Stone.

Monitoring her pulse. Like having a heartbeat meant she wasn’t dying a slow death on the inside.

That a heartbeat meant her soul wasn’t being torn apart.

That her heartbeat meant everything would be okay in the end.