Page 9 of Silent Truths (Razor Monkees #1)

Salem

“ T or?” I gently shook him while holding him against my torso, my heart slamming against my chest like it was threatening to break free. My throat was almost too tight to speak, panic—something I’d never felt before in my life—choking me. “Tor?”

Nothing. He was out cold.

I cursed and reached up, shutting off the water before lifting him into my arms and carefully stepping out of the shower.

After sitting my wet ass on the toilet seat, I snatched a towel out of the cabinet above the toilet and began to frantically dry Tor off.

Getting him dressed wasn’t much easier. Dressing someone who was essentially dead weight was hard as hell, but I managed to get boxers and a t-shirt on him before deeming that was enough. It would have to be.

“Jesse!” I barked as I yanked on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. He shoved the door open, frowning at me.

“What? What is it?” he demanded, running his eyes over me as if he was looking for an injury.

I tossed him my car keys. “Start my car and open the passenger door.”

“What—”

“Just do it!” I snapped as I lifted Tor from the bed. Jesse’s eyes widened, his face a little stricken, before he rushed out of our room and to the front door. Dalton jumped up from the couch when I stormed through with Tor in my arms, but I didn’t give him a chance to ask a single question.

I had to get Tor to the fucking emergency room.

I eased Tor into the passenger seat before buckling his seatbelt. After I shut the door, I jogged around to the driver’s side, calling to Jesse and Dalton over my shoulder, “I’ll text you in a bit.”

Once I was on the highway, doing way over the speed limit to get to the hospital, I grabbed Tor’s hand in mine, linking our fingers together.

That kiss could have changed everything between us. It was a mere accident, but I couldn’t deny that the entire time we’d been in that shower, I’d been hoping he would turn his head and let his lips slide against mine. But fuck, now that it’d happened, I wished I could take it back.

And not because I regretted it.

I wished I could take it back and redo it all over because maybe Tor wouldn’t have freaked the fuck out. I’d seen the panic in his eyes. Seen the blood wash from his face all before he fell and damn near cracked his skull open on the side of the tub.

He’d been blind in his need to get away from me, terrified shit between us was about to explode once again.

“I’m sorry,” I rasped, my heart in my throat. I brushed my thumb over his knuckles before tightening my grip around his hand. “I’m so goddamn sorry I’ve destroyed everything.”

Delia: ANSWER MY FUCKING CALL, SALEM.

I sighed and rubbed at my forehead with the tips of my fingers, agitation swirling in my gut.

She’d called me over two dozen times, and I knew why.

When I’d rushed into the waiting room with Tor slumped in my arms, the bruises on both of us had been unmistakable from our fistfight the day before. We both looked like shit.

And someone had discreetly snapped pictures of us and posted them on social media, which started a shit ton of rumors about what had happened to both of us.

The biggest one being that we were abusive to each other and toxic and that everything we’d fed the public about us being a happy, loving couple was a lie.

I mean… it was. But I was working to try to change that. I was just a bit shit at it. And I’d probably waited way too long to try to fix things between us.

I swiped Delia’s message away, choosing to ignore her like the mature adult I was. I didn’t have the headspace to listen to her yelling at me. She would do clean-up, just like she always did. We were too important to Nightwork Records for her to do anything but that.

I’d deal with her some other time… like when my entire reason for still existing wasn’t lying in a hospital bed beneath starched, white sheets in a pale blue hospital gown.

Tor was suffering from a concussion—a pretty bad one. And they wouldn’t be able to give Tor anything for pain due to all the Oxy still in his fucking system. The doctor had been surprised Tor hadn’t overdosed, and that… well, it made me sick to stomach. Vomit had flooded my mouth.

Tor could’ve died last night.

All of this shit was my fault. And it was ripping my insides to shreds.

I set my phone in my lap before leaning forward and thrusting my fingers through my hair, blowing out a harsh breath.

I’d already been here for fucking hours , and Tor hadn’t woken up.

Dalton, Jesse, Spike, and Kalin had already come by one at a time to see Tor and check on him and also make sure I didn’t need anything.

They’d offered to get me food, coffee, something to drink… I didn’t want any of it.

I wanted Tor to wake up and look at me with those gray eyes.

Even if he looked at me with nothing but hatred, I would at least know he was truly okay.

Because those doctors could say whatever they wanted to me, assure me however many times they wanted that Tor was going to be just fine aside from a major headache—and probably crashing from the pills—but I didn’t believe them.

A low groan sounded from the bed. Immediately, I jerked to my feet, and my forgotten phone clattered to the floor.

The screen no doubt broke when it fell, but I didn’t even bother checking.

I just stepped over it and hovered over the bed, my hand grabbing Tor’s left one.

He slowly opened his eyes, a pained moan leaving his lips as he shut his eyes again.

“Light,” he mumbled.

Immediately, I let go of his hand and quickly walked over to the light switch by the door, flicking off the light. Only the low light of the bathroom shone, and it was only enough for me to be able to see where the fuck I was going. When I made it back to his bedside, I grabbed his hand again.

“Tor, baby, the light is off,” I assured him.

He slowly cracked his eyes open again. He blinked at me for a moment as if he couldn’t believe that I was standing there, hovering over him. “Am I in a hospital?”

I nodded. “Yeah,” I rasped. “We, uh, accidentally kissed, and you slipped and smacked your head on the side of the tub before I could catch you.”

Tor grunted and shut his eyes again, no doubt in a lot of pain. “I want to go home.”

I brushed my thumb over his knuckles. “I’ll see if one of the nurses can find your doctor so we can get you home, okay?”

He grunted again in answer. I gently squeezed his hand before laying it flat over his stomach and striding out of the room. The nurse working the desk right outside his room looked up at me. “Can I help you?” she asked, not unkindly. Just very matter-of-fact and business-like.

“Tor woke up,” I gruffly told her.

She smiled then—a warm one that reached her eyes. “I’ll get his doctor for you.”

I nodded once and turned on my heel, striding back to Tor’s room. He opened his eyes, locking his eyes on mine as I quietly shut the door back behind me.

“What the fuck is going on, Salem?” he asked, his voice low and raspy. “I’m confused as fuck.”

I swallowed thickly and shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweats. “I’m trying to make things right.”

He snorted before wincing and shutting his eyes for a brief moment. “You’re a year and a half too fucking late for that, asshole.”

I barely resisted wincing. No one else bothered me. Anyone else could spew whatever bullshit they wanted at me, and I would never bat an eye. I’d probably even laugh.

But Tor? His words cut me deeply. They splayed me open, leaving me bleeding all over the floor.

Was this how he’d been feeling every time I lashed out at him? Fuck, I was a dick. And no amount of groveling would undo all the damage I’d done to him.

I’m so fucking sorry, baby .

“I know I fucked up,” I told him, my throat so tight, I almost couldn’t breathe.

But despite feeling like my airways were constricted, I stepped closer, the words spilling from my lips.

“I panicked. You and I were always supposed to be just friends. That was it. And then… fuck . The way you moaned my name. The way you felt coming apart by my hands… it changed everything . I couldn’t cope with it.

Couldn’t fucking deal with it. I was a coward; I know that.

But I thought as long as I could keep you close, even if you hated me, that would be enough. ”

I swallowed thickly and licked my dry lips. He was staring deep into my soul in that way he had always been capable of doing. Seeing right through any bullshit I might’ve tried. And maybe that was why he’d hated me so much more.

Because though I tried, I could never ever truly hate him in the way I wanted. He’d flipped my entire fucking world upside down. Uprooted everything I used to ground myself until I was just floating, lost and desolate.

“But then, you started spiraling,” I told him, my voice raspy.

“You fucking started drinking so much more. As soon as we came home from tour, you stayed out partying. Decided to stay in a fucking hotel instead of coming home. And then last night, the Oxys…” My voice trailed off.

My fingers curled into fists, my nails biting into my palm.

“I thought I was going to lose you. And that… that is what made me realize that I’d rather face my shit than potentially never see you again. ”

Tor snorted. “I had to almost overdose for you to stop being a dick?” he muttered. “Jesus Christ, Salem.”

I sighed. “Yeah.” One shoulder lifted in a shrug. “I’ve always been the dumbass out of the two of us.”

“Wrong,” Tor muttered as the door opened and the doctor stepped in. “You’ve always been a miserable son of a bitch too afraid to face reality.”

The doctor paused, looking between the two of us before roughly clearing his throat. Tor shut his eyes again, and I silently took a seat in the chair I’d been sitting in for hours, grabbing my shattered phone off the floor.

Tor wasn’t wrong. But I was determined to not be that guy anymore.

Tor needed me. And fucking hell, I needed him, too. Maybe even more than he needed me.

I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel of my car as I slowly made my way out of the emergency room parking garage.

Tor was silent beside me. Hell, he’d been silent since the doctor deemed him okay to go home, only saying just enough to answer the doctor’s questions and to assure the nurse he was aware of his discharge instructions.

“You need to eat,” I quietly told him. The silence we’d fallen into felt like it’d shattered as if I’d smashed glass. Tor even flinched in the passenger seat. I cleared my throat, tightening my hands around the steering wheel. “You want fast food or something healthier?”

Tor rubbed at his right eye with the tips of his fingers. “Just, um, a fucking burger and fries. A milkshake, too. Chocolate. With extra whipped cream,” he added.

I nodded and headed for the nearest fast-food restaurant.

After getting his food, he quietly dug in.

He didn’t say thank you, and I didn’t expect him to.

There was a lot of animosity still lingering in the air between us.

It was so heavy, I could probably bench press it and not even be able to complete two reps.

He was finished with his food and the milkshake by the time I pulled into the driveway. Silently, we walked into the house. Tor immediately headed to our room, and I followed him, nodding once at Kalin, who was standing in the kitchen eating a sandwich, watching us with furrowed brows.

I shut the door behind us with a near-silent click, watching as Tor crawled straight into bed and turned onto his side, facing the wall, his back to me.

I toed off my sneakers and peeled off my socks before yanking my shirt over my head.

I wasn’t wearing briefs, so I left my sweats on.

I was pretty sure Tor might rip my dick off if I tried getting into bed naked with him.

And then, I slid beneath the covers behind him, wrapping my arms around his midsection to tug him close. He tensed, his body going rigid. I flattened my palm over his chest, relieved to find his heart beating extremely fast.

Did that mean he was still as affected by my nearness as he used to be?

God, I hoped he was.

“What are you doing?” he croaked, his voice sounding strangled.

“Cuddling you,” I muttered, tucking my face into his hair, inhaling the pure scent of him—spicy with a hint of vanilla and honey from his shampoo.

“Why?”

I tightened my hold on him and tangled our legs together so he couldn’t escape me, even if he tried. I was stronger than him, and I wasn’t afraid to use that to my advantage.

“Because I missed you, and I want to hold you like I used to,” I told him honestly. His breath hitched in his throat. “Go to sleep, baby.” A small noise ripped from his throat. I pressed a kiss to the back of his head. “I promise I’ll still be holding you when you wake up.”

“Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep,” he muttered, but his body betrayed the animosity in his words as he relaxed back against me.

I just smiled into his hair. Snark or not, I was glad to have him back like this. Felt like our pieces were slowly molding back together, even if they were fractured and jagged. But that was okay because I would break pieces of us off until we fit just like we used to.

Tor was never losing me again.